My partner only cares about our daughter and his mum and Dad

[Emily920]

Hi All,

Looking for some advice as to wether I am over reacting!

I have been with my partner for 9 years, we have a 2 year old daughter and I have never really got on with his family. He has always had a very weird relationship with his Mum, sometimes a bit too good, and sometimes very toxic! They are always arguing and making up, saying nasty things to each other and then telling each other how much they love each other. I have always known my partner was a mummy’s boy but since being in lockdown I have just about had enough! They speak on FaceTime/phone about 10 times a day, his excuse is that she wants to see the baby but they have always spoken a lot, I’ve just never seen it this much! I don’t speak to her at all, I haven’t for 2 years so it’s always awkward for me when they talk. I feel awkward walking into the room when she is on FaceTime or if they are on the phone I whisper. I never speak to him about his family because he gets really defensive even though she has put us through a lot of over the 9years and made my life a living hell, but I am biting my tongue at the minute. What could they possibly talk about all the time? Why doesn’t he consider my feelings? Why do I have to say something for him to actually use his brain cells?

Thank you

I would approach it from a practical perspective. Don't pass comment on whether he's calling his mum too much (and I agree 10 times a day is a lot) but concentrate on how he can call her without disrupting you. If he wants to call her he can take the call outside of the main living space as it isn't fair for him to comandeer that room so often during the day. Also there needs to be time set aside for family time where no one is taking phone calls on facetime!

He does usually take it into another room or he will tell me he is going to FaceTime his parents so that I leave the room. It’s just the fact that he does it so much. To be honest, the FaceTime doesn’t bother me too much because they are seeing the baby but then in between that, there are multiple phone calls and because they both can speak a different language, I never know what they are talking about. It’s frustrating me because I know what his mum is like, she loves talking about me to him and the worse part is, I don’t know what he is saying to her! I actually think this might come between us and I need to put a stop to it or get him to understand without him thinking that I want him to completely cut ties with his family, because I don’t!