Does anyone have someone in their life who is always looking to blame people?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

It's starting to get a bit exhausting. Every problem must be blamed. Blamed on a person, blamed on a person's actions.

Examples.

• Non sleeping babies are directly the fault of the "pandering parent"
• useless husbands are directly the fault of the wife who "chose wrong"
• people who have depression don't "help themselves" as they don't go out for fresh air enough or surround themselves with happy people
• people who catch coronavirus are not washing their hands enough

Don't get me wrong, there are some, uncommon instances where actions are to blame for outcomes. But this is everything and every time

They use it as justification as to why they are superior. "I'll be fine, I'm always washing my hands", "You lot slept through the nights early because I always stayed firm at bedtime" etc.

If a situation arises where someone they hold as doing things right (e.g. the 89 year old who walks every day and eats healthy suddenly gets dementia) they act all shocked and astounded that it could possibly have happened to that person.

I'm dreading a situation where dh or I get coronavirus and the clear blame that will be laid at our door before my actual sympathy comes out way.

At this time most people i know are trying to see the best in people.

I think it's a mechanism people use to calm their anxiety; along the lines of, if I do this then the bad thing won't happen.

I know some like this. Everyone else has to be doing something wrong because they're inferior, so by default the person picking fault is superior.

Yeah maybe. It definitely feels more like a judgement though at times.

But I will attempt to find more good in them

BIL2 is like this. Everything is somebody else's fault.

My 7yo is like this. Sometimes he actually laughs whilst explaining why it's someone else's fault as even he can see it's clearly not their fault. I'm hoping he'll grow out of it

I feel your pain Bernadette, I have a close relative like this too. It's exhausting and spirit crushing. Do you ever challenge their statements?

I see you’ve met my mum 😂

Do you ever challenge their statements?

I have suggested to them that they tend to look for blame and sometimes "shit just happens"

We had a big trip away last year, 25 of us, and if there was every anything go wrong (toast burnt, towel lost, book dropped into a puddle sort of stuff) her go to was to explain why it happened and how it was someone's fault and how when she is on toast duty/poolside/reading this wouldn't possible have occurred.

Youve met my aunt then i see
Her glass is half empty, cracked and its all someone elses fault.
When i asked her whether she'd consider speaking to the doctor about getting something to improve her low mood she bit my head off and said it was all my fault she was frustrated and disappointex with life.
You can't make someone happy if they ^enjoy^ misery

My FIL, in his mind he is perfect, in reality he is a joy-sucking judgemental twat. Not missing him one bit at the moment