Adoption-when can I start process (have 2 birth children)

[LMST]

Hi All
Hoping for some guidance from all you adopters out there who already had your own children and then adopted (or SW folk who know about these things!).
We have a 3 and a half year old and a 17 month old. I understand that there needs to be a 2 year age gap and adopted child should be the youngest so we were thinking we could start the (6 months plus) assessment process and then by the time our youngest is 2 we would be potentially ready to start matching.
I also completely understand that most children are around 2 when they are adopted so we could end up waiting anyway (to give space for that 2 year age gap).
Any advice from adopters who started the process this early?
Are we being unrealistic and just too impatient?
Or silly!!?
Would be good to help ourselves get realistic expectations...to be fair even if we have to wait longer than hoped we will still do it anyway!

Thanks so much

X

@Teacher12345 thank you for sharing your experience. Really helpful

My adopted children are "my own" as much as my birth kiddos.. Sheesh..

Anyway, that aside. You're right about the minimum 2 year age gap SS ask for. However in reality we found that most ask for your youngest to be at least school age before starting the process. Different Las and VAs will have different criteria so when the time is right it's might be worth ringing different ones even if you don't quite fit into their locality by a few miles. Some will want to place children out of area.

Interesting what a PP said up thread about there being more adopters than children at the min because I know that's not the case in our area, again, this can be area dependant.

Op you sound very enthusiastic which is good but I wonder how much research you have done into modern adoption? You need to look into trauma and attachment theories, there are lot of great books and online resources. Be aware that often in most adoptions it is still reccomended to keep thin lines of communication with birth family via letterbox contact.

We had young birth DC when we first started the adoption process and it has been hard. Our lives are unrecognisable to how they were before. However that said, if you go in with an open mind about the needs of the children... For us at least it was the best thing we've ever done and my children mean the absolute world to me, I would do it again and again if I had the room, sanity and finances 😂. Good luck

Also I echo above to get this moved to the adoption board. There is also a great group on FB for prospective adopters that might be worry joining. I realise my post above sounds quite negative but I think it's important to be aware of the realities. That said its the best thing we've ever done and it's not that I would say don't do it... More do it with eyes wide open if you decide it is for you. Also you say you have DC already, do you have a spare room? Each child will need their own bedroom.

I echo what others have said re researching attachment theories and ACEs.

We adopted both of ours when they were babies (our LA only had under twos and were happy for us to adopt despite being in our upper 40s). Both were classed as ‘easy to place’ children with no difficulties. Both had been in care since birth.

Fast forward two years and we have two toddlers with complex needs. I don’t recognise my old life. I have no friends outside adoption circles and have had to give up my career. I don’t mind this one bit. Our children are awesome and adored. But boy is it tough. The four year old is now strong enough to cause real pain when he’s violent. He is permanently in a state of fight or flight.

I think the hardest thing is lack of support and having to fight every bloody step to get them the interventions they need. This takes up so much of my ‘free’ time despite the fact that I have some knowledge of the system due to my profession.

I thought we were well informed, but looking back we were quite naive.

Thank you all for your helpful comments. My question was about the age gap and your combined insights have been most helpful.
Thank you all and wishing you all well.
L