If you have a bad relationship with your siblings

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How do you deal with it? Do you find it upsetting?

I have no relationship with my two younger siblings. They’ve been overly looked after by my parents and can’t do much for themselves whereas I have just got on with things and had very little support. We’ve never been that close and because of our different parental experiences that’s put a wedge between us too. I’m used to it but now I have children I hope they will be much closer and I try to encourage that bond and treat them all fairly. I just focus on my relationships that are good and supportive.

I haven’t spoken to my brother in 21 years. He’s a half brother and my dad is dead. It’s no big deal to me and actually I often forget he even existed. It’s obviously easier that I don’t talk to anyone on that side of my family.

I see my brother at Christmas and that is about it.

He has never got over the annoyance of me being born and I remember him telling me once as a child that when our parents were dead he would never see me again which is fine by me because he is a lazy, sociopathic waste of air quite frankly.

I worry about my kids relationship with each other constantly.

I was forced to cut my younger sister out of my life due to her behaviour. Other siblings had cut her out years before. It makes me incredibly sad but she is very destructive.

I haven't spoken to my sister for over a week. I am upset because of the current situation you would think she would apologise and keep the peace but she is rude and obnoxious, and doesn't think she has been nasty.

I don’t really speak to any of my siblings, haven’t spoken to my brother in 3 years, my sister stopped talking to me about a month ago because she doesn’t like my opinion on here abusive boyfriend despite constantly asking what I think I’m not upset about either

I haven't spoken to my sister properly in over 10 years, I have tried on and off but she is just an awful person and I cant have that negativity around me.

I dont find it upsetting anymore to be honest. My dsis is a toxic horrible human being but interestingly the older I get the more compassion I have for her. It must be brutal to live your life with such vile perspective and drama. Frankly she must be exhausted.

I mean, I feel compassion for her, not enough to make any form of contact with her or ever be in the same room with her, or ever let her alone with my DC. But you know a vague compassion.

One singling I'm very close to and see frequently (pre lockdown). The other is a prick and I have little time for.

It honestly doesn't bother me too much. You can't win em all. Looking back at our childhood, a relationship ship between all of us certainly wasn't fostered. Whereas my kids are the best of friends with each other. I never remember anything like that - I think me and my siblings probably went weeks at a time without saying 2 words to each other

Those of you NC with your siblings - did you find they were awful people in childhood too? As much as a child can be awful that is!

The sibling I don't get in with I'm pretty sure was a little prick when we were kids. Used to steal my money, once stole my Walkman and sold it to a friend, was a compulsive liar and still is etc

I have 2 siblings

I get on very well with one

The other is a nasty piece of work and always has been. It is really upsetting and difficult. I think simple sibling issues could have been overcome by now but the truth is I think there is something deeply wrong with them, made worse by what a convincing liar and manipulator they appear to be when it comes to other people, half of their hatred for me comes from the fact I see right through them I think. They were a nasty, spiteful child too. I am very low contact.

My other sibling has lately started to see the truth which is a relief.

I have a pretty good relationship with my brother, not dead close but we are fond of each other. A very close friend is estranged from their sibling and I am always intrigued about what the parents make of it. Maybe I am partisan but to me my friend seems in the right and friend’s sibling is awful but the parents won’t take sides, which I understand, but then it must break their hearts to see their kids arguing or hating each other (massively projecting here, just what my lovely mum would have felt)

glummy my friend’s sibling sounds a shit in childhood

I have two sisters.
Growing up, we were all manipulated by our ‘mother’, who instilled a measure of mistrust amongst us, always setting up one against the other. I was always on the receiving end of both.

One, we were close but not now. She is in a secure unit for people with schizophrenia, and has caused so much anguish she is banned from the family after saying some dangerous things. She tries contacting me once in a while asking me how the family are. I’m not sure she knows the gravity of what she has done. I refuse to give out any phone numbers.

The other, we have only just reconnected after her and ‘mother’ fell out for years. We were never close and never will be.
We only talk really due to me being in contact with her daughter, my niece, and the recent birth of my nieces son.

....and yes, I do find it upsetting that one person can cause so much division in a family, our ‘mother’.

What difference would our relationships have been if it hadn’t been for the way our ‘mother’ treated us? We could have been close.

I see my sister maybe 1-2 times a year, if it's a family event. There's no animosity, but we're just very, very different and seem to disagree on most things.

I don't speak to either of my siblings both older (one 5yrs older, one 12yrs). Both are horrible selfish people and were nasty when younger too.

They’re not bad people, but our childhood was so difficult, poor and overcrowded that we’ve gone our separate ways as adults — we all live in different countries and seldom have any contact.

I haven't spoken to my sister for 20 years. When I left my exH to move into a refuge with DD (he was physically and emotionally abusive and had been for the entire 8 years of our marriage) she stayed friendly with him and disowned me. She said I was a drama queen who made it all up for attention, despite the fact that she'd taken me to a&e on several occasions and had been in the room and called the police when exH had kicked off many times. We haven't spoken since. I see her around from time to time and she either ignores me or makes retching noises at me. She's exH's best friend now and she was his 'best woman' when he remarried.

My ex was the most manipulative person I have ever encountered and he used to tell me that if I left he'd take everything from me, including my friends and family. So he's clearly done a number on DSis. We were very close before and exH knew it would wreck me to ruin our relationship, which is why he did it. I have no other family which makes it even harder.

It's a long time ago but it still hurts. I've dealt with it by mainly boxing it away, but sometimes it bubbles to the surface - Christmas, birthdays, that sort of thing is the hardest. It's like grief but different in that you know that someone you loved hurt you intentionally and thoroughly hates you.

to all of you going through similar.

Same situation as @ilovepuggies. Mainly caused by my toxic mother, I’m the scapegoat. However they’ve been so pampered that they are no use to her at all. One sibling is her golden child, the other is still under her control but there are issues.

I’m low contact with the lot of them.

I haven't had any contact with my older brother since late 70's.

@GirIAfraid I am so sorry, that is awful 💐

Wow @GirIAfraid that sounds so sad.

I haven't seen my sister since a close family funeral 4 years ago. She is all I have left from my family so it does make me sad but even as children we didn't get on. I don't feel any 'blood is thicker than water' at all and presumably neither does she. We email about twice a year but the news is superficial. I know that I will never see her again. My adult children see each other but I know they're not bezzy mates - at least they look out for each other though. We have a lot of history, resentment, jealousy and mistrust, and I know, by her hateful behaviour 4 years ago, there is no way we could ever be in the same room together even though she's only 20 miles away. It's sad but I've accepted it.

I have no relationship with my brother, I posted on here about the behaviour of his girlfriend towards my young niece. The abuse escalated to the point that my brother hasn’t contacted my niece in years but he lied to me and the rest of our family about it. Worse than that though, he has interred my mothers ashes somewhere and won’t tell me where despite him admitting that he hated her.