Do you think about your body much?

[Couscousy]

I have to check my stomach all the time. It's saggy after weight loss, but also with fat padding it out. It moves when I exercise, I can feel it constantly.

I have to check how big it is/how big it looks, how fat and saggy it's looking at different times of the day, trying on different trousers to see if it looks smaller/bigger/rounder. It looking particularly bad results in a very low mood.

If I had to guess I'd say I check it maybe 100+ times a day. Not an hour goes by I don't think about it, or want to check. I look up before/after photos for hours, looking up tummy tuck and fat-to-fit pictures.

I measure it all the time. I instinctively compare my stomach with everyone else I see/meet (less so now of course with social distancing).

In lockdown, being home so much, it's become a massive 'thing' and I'm not eating much, have dropped a few lbs but convinced my stomach is still huge/ugly/awful/worst in the world.

I would have a tummy tuck but DH says I'm absolutely fine and it's in my head. It's really not, I can see it.

Does anyone else worry about part of their body's like this?

There are parts of my body i dont like..for example my chest urgh wish it was bigger..but i dont constantly look at it how you describe it. it almost seems as if you may have body dismorphic disorder. Looking at it over 100 times a day isnt normal. I know youre saying its not in your head and you can see it, but it seems youre obsessing over it. Maybe speak to a therapist

That does seem excessive. Can you give yourself a "day off" ie. tomorrow you're not allowed to look at or think about your stomach until the next day. I think it would be interesting for you to discover if this is achievable or not.

Exactly the same with my stomach.

I’ve went up a dress size to a 12 and I can feel my stomach sagging I can pinch more than an inch and I hate it

Like you I check it in everything I wear numerous times a day and compare it to others

I gave cut back on food and am trying to up my exercise - I use to to do a lot of HIIT specifically to keep it toned but has some heart related issues towards the end of the year so trying to ease my way back in with out causing issues bug it’s majorly stressing me out

Can you give yourself a "day off"

That's a great suggestion, I'll try it tomorrow.

@huglessduglas I can guarantee your tummy looks wonderful and you'd instantly feel so much better if you saw mine.

I feel like DH is just lying when he says it's fine, I'd much rather him say 'yeah it's awful but I still love you' - it's almost like I find it patronising he pretends.

I used to OP. With me it was my breasts. After breastfeeding they were so saggy and empty, and my areolas got much bigger and darker during pregnancy and stayed that way. I thought they looked absolutely horrendous. I would constantly obsess over images online of before and after surgery, areola reduction, uplift, implants. I could easily spend 6+ hours a day searching. I was also incredibly jealous of any friends /family who had 'normal' breasts. I would cry about them at least once a day. I wished I could afford a boob job so bad. And then, I came into some money. But I thought about it long and hard, and something inside me told me not to change myself. What sort of example would I be setting to my daughters? How could I tell them to love themselves as they are if I couldn't do it myself? Also I didn't want the potential risk of something going wrong. So I didn't do it. My breasts look the same, but I'm at peace with them now. They did a great job at feeding four babies and I wouldn't change them for anything. Society may tell us what looks good, what is 'attractive', but the more people who embrace their natural selves, the sooner people will realise we are all normal, and none of us need to change! The cosmetic surgery industry makes a killing off our insecurities. We are all perfect as we are. We all have flaws, might as well embrace them!

I very very rarely think about my body. I’m overweight (technically obese on BMI I think) but it’s just not something I really ever think about. Certainly never ‘check’ my body, I can’t even really get my head around how you ‘check’ your stomach, personally.... are you expecting it to have changed from when you checked it 99 times earlier today? That’s not meant to be an insult just to get you thinking. I’m just in my body, it’s where ‘me’ lives and what I use to interact with the world.

The excessive checking is a classic behaviour in Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which is a form of OCD - I sadly have experience of a different type of OCD. The anxieties associated with OCD type disorders are completely ‘real’, not ‘in your head’, but that doesn’t follow that surgery (or other practical solutions) is necessarily the answer to your concerns. You may still be checking and obsessing even after surgery. The issue isn’t with the perceived physical/practical problem, it’s with how you’re thinking about it and the emotions and behaviours those thinking patterns evoke.

Perhaps take a look at
bddfoundation.org/helping-you/questionnaires/ see if maybe this could be what you’re experiencing? Apologies if I’m way off mark. I was just in OCD support group with BDD sufferers and some of your phrasing rings bells.

I have this issue with my skin. I've had years of acne and then last year had both acne and really awful perioral dermatitis and now I'm getting wrinkly and saggy. It makes me sad. I look in the mirror right up close at every pore and lump and thread vein and worry about it constantly. My dream is to have smooth, clear, lovely skin and not wear foundation every day or have to avoid sitting under strong lights or too close to people so they can see all the flaws.

@MrsMonicaBing that's so inspiring, thank you so much for your post. I know you're right RE unrealistic beauty goals, and I don't judge anyone else in the same way - I find beauty in everyone else, it's just this one part of me I can't accept.

Can I ask how long it took for you to feel more confident/self-accepting, did anything help in particular?

@OpthalmosVerde thanks very much for your post and that link - I did the questionnaire and scored 46, though my head is telling me 'Nope it's not BDD, it's just that you are sad about your ugly tummy and you should eat less/exercise more to fix it'.

The issue isn’t with the perceived physical/practical problem, it’s with how you’re thinking about it and the emotions and behaviours those thinking patterns evoke.

I can see the sense in that, absolutely - I've had previous anxiety disorders so the fact it's a cognitive issue would fit with me.

are you expecting it to have changed from when you checked it 99 times earlier today?

The only way I can explain it, is that I'm trying to see the 'truth' of how bad it is. I'm desperate to check to see if it looks better, less fat, so I can feel better (which happens never) - or if it does look bad (always) then it's a reminder to lose more weight and to exercise more and what a failure I am.

I'm just getting so mentally exhausted from the headspace it's taking up.

It was like a switch was flipped over night to be honest. As soon as I had the money available to actually do something about it, I didn't want to. I thought how can I spend thousands on surgery when it could be spent on my children? And I learned to trust that my OH did actually like me, and wasn't just saying it to appease me. I think we are told all men want a woman who looks like a model, but the truth is that most men aren't that shallow,and they don't care about our post baby bodies or our imperfections. I know how awful that desperate feeling is, just wishing you could wake up in the morning and look different, or be in some one else's body. I think it starts with being much less critical of yourself, and telling yourself you are amazing. Multiple times a day. Each time you are starting to think something negative about yourself, stop. Look at yourself naked, and tell yourself how great you look. I know it sounds silly but I swear it makes a difference! Maybe before you lost weight you had an idea of what you wanted to look like, and because your reality is different to that image you had, you are struggling to come to terms with it?

I don’t think about my body much, really. There are bits I don’t like and bits I do. I’ve learned to live with the bits I don’t like - they don’t define me. I like that my body is strong and healthy and that I’ve worked hard for it to be that way. I like my defined abs and toned shoulders. I choose not to dwell on my wobbly thighs and stretch marks.

Maybe before you lost weight you had an idea of what you wanted to look like, and because your reality is different to that image you had, you are struggling to come to terms with

This is definitely a factor, it's as though I'm less confident about my body now after losing the weight. I'll try your advice today! I've had 3 urges to 'check' this morning but I'm resisting :) will do the positive affirmations when I have a negative thought.

Thanks so much for the replies :)

In my experience I found excersising/healthy eating etc much easier when the reasons I were doing it were coming from a place of self love too. When you hate yourself it's like everything you do is to punish your body, and it's really detrimental, if that makes sense! Good luck OP x

P. S, try listening to Paul Mckenna's Self confidence audio on YouTube any time you get a chance, i used to listen before bed with my head phones in and i really think it was one of the reasons I was able to overcome my negative feelings 😊

Good luck for your ‘day off’ today OP! We’re rooting for you!

My therapist pointed me towards this Australian site of self-help resources and they really helped me, I found the self-esteem and perfectionism workbooks especially useful but I think I’ve done about six of them in total, they have one specifically on BDD which has a module about reducing checking etc. Maybe it might be useful for you even if it’s not actually full-blown BDD?

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Body-Dysmorphia

Self-help can be super difficult, but it is something you can do yourself and immediately. Ultimately even when working with a therapist, the therapist doesn’t ‘fix’ anything - we have to do the work ourselves anyway.

I used to be constantly checking my hips, as that's where I store fat.

However, since being pregnant, I haven't been so bothered. If thoughts creep into my head, I just think about the baby needing nourishment and reach for the chocolate again.

My dh was a bit like this. He always claimed that I was image obsessed too, it was only after I watched a doc on bbc3 about body dyamorphia that I saw the fundamental difference.

I'm aware of my body and my figure and tailor fitness, dress and diet accordingly. But I don't obsess about it, let it make me feel sad for more than a few minutes and I don't let it stop me living my life. I'm body conscious, not obsessed which has allowed me to stay thin all my life. I also only concern myself with the parts I can improve. (although I did have one cosmetic procedure). I don't get down about my mum tum because I can't do anthing about it and it's just part of life. So I can never wear a crop top or bikini again - not the end of the world.

My dh obsessed about everything, things that don't really matter and things he couldn't change. He thought people were looking at him or judging him, and it would effect his overall mood and stop him doing things. It got worse during times of stress.

He has since had cbt and is loads better.

It's good to want to be the best version of you, but if things you can't change are getting you down, I suggest you seek some help. Maybe call talking therepy. It shouldn't be playing on your mind that much.

I used to be very self conscious about the way I look but at some point I just got tired of having to constantly think about it. I realised I wanted to exist in the world without thinking about looking a certain way.

I think a lot of people push "Loving your body". Which is great if you can, but most people cant or dont. I kind of gave up loving or hating my body to just live in my body. Accepting it is the step most people miss.

Try and think about what your body does for you.

How’re you doing OP?