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Original poster

How do you manage personal grooming/ hygiene and pre teens? e.g. eyebrows

29 replies

Aaaahhhndrea · 22/04/2020 20:44

DD is like me- Mediterranean descent, very dark haired. She's 10.

I don't want to encourage her to think about eyebrows etc but I don't want to discourage her either. I have a tricky relationship with my own mum and I found the teen years really hard. I wouldn't have been allowed to get my eyebrows done.

Other things as well like good skincare. How do you bring it up gently?

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 23/04/2020 06:31

I wouid recommend not bringing it up,at all.

You will of course need to make sure she uses sunscreen, so you could also give her an after sun moisturiser at the same time. Otherwise it can all wait until she is showing an interest in make up.

stellabelle · 23/04/2020 07:08

I'd wait until she mentions it. But I also wouldn't have any age limit on hair removal, eyebrow shaping etc. My DD needed to shave her legs from the age of 10 and I was happy to show her how to do it. If it makes them feel confident, I'd go along with it.

compassunreliable · 23/04/2020 07:14

Unless you want to give her a complex about it don't bring it up! She doesn't need you putting ideas in her head about her eyebrows being unacceptable want her are - would you want to give her that idea about the rest of her body?

You wouldn't be doing it for your ten year old child's benefit, but to try and fix your own hurt about your teen years and relationship with your mum.

compassunreliable · 23/04/2020 07:15

*unacceptable as they are

HelloDulling · 23/04/2020 07:22

With hair removal, wait until she asks. When my DD was in Year 7, she asked if she could have her brows done, so we did that.

Skincare, it depends what she needs. She should be cleaning her face in some way every day. If it looks like she also needs a moisturiser, get a light one and suggest she uses it. My DD is 14 next week, she uses a creamy cleanser with a face cloth every day, and then a moisturiser. She’s not really into make up, but is doing elaborate eye liner while at home, so has an eye makeup remover for that.

Runkatierun · 23/04/2020 07:29

I totally get why people say let her bring it up but I was too shy and embarrassed to to my mum. I'd buy her a nice kit to have ready, one with nail files and clippers as well as tweezers and say you'll help teach her how to use any of it if she wants

midgebabe · 23/04/2020 07:34

I find it interesting that you link grooming with hygiene. They are not the same. One is optional and society driven. The other isn't and is health driven

Nothing you actually mentioned was to do with hygiene
face care ...hygiene is wash with soap and water which even a very small child should do. Anything else is grooming.
Eyebrows, strictly it's more hygienic to let them be as they stop crud going into the eyes

EricaNernie · 23/04/2020 07:48

If she is too shy with you she will have friends/peers who she will copy

RuffleCrow · 23/04/2020 07:51

Her eyebrows are exactly as nature intended - why would you want her to change them?!

Etinox · 23/04/2020 07:55

I would bet the farm on @RuffleCrow not having thick eyebrows.
Really, can you not imagine why a 10 year old girl might not want a unibrow or moustache?!

RuffleCrow · 23/04/2020 08:01

Ha! Wrong! My eyebrows are naturally very thick and I've been plucking/waxing/threading since my mid teens. My dcs now have my natural eyebrows and i look at them and wish to goddess I'd just left my brows in their natural state. Theirs look utterly gorgeous. There's no indication that the ops daughter has any desire to change her brows anyway - it's clearly the op projecting her own issues.

Thatbitchcarolebaskin · 23/04/2020 08:01

@etinox shudders at the memories of starting secondary school with a full blown monobrow and moustache as I wasn’t allowed to have them sorted

corythatwas · 23/04/2020 08:05

I think you need to distinguish very clearly between

a) hygiene= needs to be done for everybody's sake

b) personal grooming= personal choice.

It is perfectly possible to have a long and satisfying life/career/love life without ever grooming your eyebrows. On the other hand, it is possible to groom every part of your body meticulously and be equally happy and fulfilled. One is not better than the other. The problem is, once you start suggesting to your daughter that she must be wanting to do this, you are basically telling her that this is an essential part of her life. It may or it may not be.

My mother was very much leave everything to nature. As it so happens, that suits me very well. But it hasn't stopped my daughter from deciding what she wants to do with her body and learning from her friends and online tutorials.

If you have a generally easy relationship with your dd, she will probably be fine about asking you for help. But even if she doesn't, she will be able to find out for herself.

Equimum · 23/04/2020 08:09

I wouldn’t bring it up, but I would let her do as she wants (within reason) once she brings it up. I say that as someone who was not allowed to shave my legs at secondary school, and got teased relentlessly.

MrsPear · 23/04/2020 08:14

Oh a mother who loves her child so much she wishes to destroy said child’s self esteem. Fabulous and shallow.

Mrsfrumble · 23/04/2020 08:23

OP Are you open about your own hair removal routines? If you do it at home, let her see, or if you go to a salon, talk about it. That might help her overcome any shyness about asking when she’s ready. Other than that, I agree with other posters in that you should definitely distinguish between hygiene (necessary) and grooming (personal choice) and wait for her to decide.

It’s something I’ll need to be aware of in the future; I’m quite fair so my leg and facial hair has always been light and fine, but DD has her dad’s much darker colouring and already has very hairy legs at 7. She obviously doesn’t care less right now, and is brilliantly dismissive of anyone who comments, but I’m bracing myself for the tween years and the possibility that she’ll be more concerned about that aspect of grooming than I am.

Verily1 · 23/04/2020 08:23

IMO there’s a distinction between using some cream to remove a moustache and eyebrow waxing to make a ‘fashionable’ shape.

She should be protected from bullying but not made to feel that her body is wrong and she needs to adapt it to ‘cosmetic’ trends.

ScrapThatThen · 23/04/2020 08:33

Make sure she knows some people choose to remove hair and others choose to leave it - and that either option is ok with you when she is older. Then if she requests, help her do it appropriately.

Etinox · 23/04/2020 10:25

@RuffleCrow
"There's no indication that the ops daughter has any desire to change her brows anyway - it's clearly the op projecting her own issues."
It seems to me that the OP wants to avoid projecting, hence the question.

Chista · 23/04/2020 10:32

I had a mono brow and moustache in school and I have black hair and light skin, so it really showed. My father absolutely refused to allow me to get rid any body or facial hair as I was growing up. I was initially bullied in school for it, but my father, the great role model that he is, taught me accepting my hair was better than spending a lifetime removing it to please others and their desire to socially conform to an ideology of how girls and women should look. I thoroughly enjoyed throwing that one in the face of my bullies who got so bored of hearing it they eventually left me alone, not to mention they ended up looking like the idiots.

Now I am not saying that is what your daughter should do, but I am glad my father taught me that and I am so much more comfortable and confident in my skin than a lot of my friends.

NothingIsWrong · 23/04/2020 10:33

Wait for her to bring it up. I was looking at my eyebrows the other day and 12yo DD offered to thread them for me. I was all "wait what" as she'd never before mentioned it - apparently she taught herself from youtube when she decided she wanted to learn.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 23/04/2020 10:37

My dad told me that hairy legs were sign of strength and that I should be proud of them! Worked until I was 15. He also told be never to be ashamed of hands that showed a bit of hard work

AnotherMurkyDay · 23/04/2020 10:52

I would leave the hair removal until asked about it, but I am open about what I do too. Hygiene is a separate issue, I would encourage them to develop a routine starting with the basics you do from when they're young (nails clipped, teeth brushed, face washed, hair brushed and trimmed, sun cream) and go from there. I do a lot of stuff in front of my kids, like bleaching my tache and pore strips and teeth whitening kits, hair removal cream or leg shaving, hint of tan, etc. They are used to seeing me with all kinds of lotions and potions and weird looking items for foot care, hair removal, hair styling etc.

mencken · 23/04/2020 10:56

home teeth whitening kits either don't work (if legally sold in the UK) or damage teeth (if bought from America) so not a brilliant idea.

washing is not grooming, it is basic hygiene. all the rest is choice. Make it clear that she should do nothing that hurts - men don't do any grooming that hurts, or not the smart ones anyway.

AnotherMurkyDay · 23/04/2020 10:57

@mencken

Never said they worked! Just that my kids have seen me do them before.