Do I have to stop speaking to the OW?

[suspended]

Brother was caught messaging another woman.

Apparently nothing went on but they have history prior to him being married.

The complication is that I know the OW, and was friends with her. Not massively close, but quite close.

I still have her on my social media and she sometimes comments on my posts but I feel a sort of loyalty to SIL who hasn't done anything wrong.

Do I delete her? Delete her and explain why? Leave her but don't respond? Continue as normal? I feel very conflicted.

I am so pissed off with my brother and her. Feel very awkward.

Would you want to associate with someone like that ?

Maybe I’m wrong but I’d delete.

Don’t explain she isn’t your best friend or a close friend.

Such a minor move for you but would mean everything to your SIL.

How would you feel if it was the other way round? What would you want your SIL to do

My loyalty would have to lie with my SIL.

If I was your SIL I’d be incredibly hurt if you were still friends with the OW.

Depends. Was your brother “messaging another woman” and getting a response from her?

Or what he harassing her?

If the latter I wouldn’t delete. She might appreciate support. If the former I would drop her a message explaining and delete

If she’s not a close friend I would just delete without explaining. Anyone else I would just say to them that my loyalty was with my family so I couldn’t speak to her anymore and then delete.

Why are you even asking? It’s a no brainier.

By remaining neutral you’re actually condoning ow behaviour.

Make a choice just don’t pretend you’re not.

I’d delete. I don’t think I could remain friends with someone like this.

Her and your brother are as bad as each other.

I wouldn’t be speaking to her any longer

Just go quiet for a bit - definitely no posts on each other’s social media etc.

If she is an old friend then maybe in time keep in touch. Obviously never discuss your brother or his wife.

I'd silently delete her off my friend lists and not make a thing of it. Especially if she's not close.

Having been "the wife who's husband got caught texting multiple other women" I have made a personal choice to not be friends with anyone who is happy to engage in this kind of behaviour. It damages lives, especially any children who become affected. Hence a purge on my social media and phone contacts during the past couple of years.

It wouldn't matter to me if it was with my brother or some random man I don't know. The question to ask yourself is are you happy to have friends like this who send and receive messages from married men.

Personally it would be a no for me, and an instant removal from all ways of contacting me.

My SIL actually went the other way totally and speaks to OW but has removed me from her Facebook so I can’t see anymore!

I’d be hurt if I was cheated on by husband only to have ow carry on without consequence. I’d view my trust and friendship with you as damaged

Your brother has shown how low and disloyal he is, and if you back the ow in any way, rightly or wrongly I’d judge you as I would him.

I wouldn’t stop speaking to a friend on that basis alone.

Ok yeah you guys have pretty much confirmed what I thought. I'll delete without saying anything. I'm sure she will understand.

I have known her for odds on 20 years, and her and my brother were involved at school.

At the poster who suggested it was harassment it was very much both parties involved sadly.

Not massively close to my SIL but I feel very very sorry for her in this situation. My brother is an absolute shit for this.

@rebel that is awful! Eek.

Agree delete her. Your loyalty isn’t with the OW (or your brother but that’s more difficult).

At the poster who suggested it was harassment it was very much both parties involved sadly

In that case I wouldn't want her as a friend.

(I only asked because it happened to me; an old boyfriend suddenly started bombarding me with texts/calls/letters etc. He was married, as was I. I would have been upset if people had culled me as colluding when I absolutely didn't! The only contact I sent was asking him to desist!)