Any parents of severely autistic children? How do you cope?

[DanceMonkey19]

DS is 2. Has a probable diagnosis (from paed neurology) but no community paediatrician in our authority so no confirmed diagnosis and not sure how we'll get one. I feel such despair and guilt for bringing him into the world. I have a family member who is severely affected and in care and don't want that for my boy. Giving serious thoughts to ending it all as I know it's just going to get harder and is no life.

Oh OP, I’m so sorry, I could have written this exact post when my own DS was diagnosed, also aged 2.
I was also completely heartbroken and grief stricken, I thought our life was over and I saw no hope for the future.
My DS is now 8 and things couldn’t be more different, yes it’s hard, as you know, but the sadness gets easier with time and you find a way to make things work. You find happiness and joy in your child’s uniqueness.

It doesn’t have to go the same way as your family member, it’s such a massively wide spectrum, and your own DS is so young, it’s too early to know for sure how it’s going to affect him.
I understand now none of this will make much sense and you’ll just desperately want things to be different, but please know it gets easier and it is possible to be happy again.

I have to cope because he's my son and I love him ,and it's not all doom and gloom ,d's is nearly ten and has severe autism and learning disabilities ,it's really hard work but he's very funny and loving at times ,it becomes a new.normal ,Autism is a vast spectrum and children like my son rarely get talked about ,I wish there was more awareness about how disabling Autism can be,however I wouldn't be without him for the world .

I am in a slightly different position, so I hope you dont mind me posting?
Both mine have ASD (aged 15 and 12). Late diagnosis (bad LEA)
Both are what is called 'high functioning' but it affects them (and sometimes me) quite severely. Neither can manage mainstream school, nor can i access specialist education as they can make eye contact (tho one barely speaks and the other speaks mostly about their toy cat).
Diagnosis, though late and 'welcome' (in a way) was still a huge shock. You are in that stage. It is also too soon to predict the future.
Please seek support and dont feel 'there is only 1 way out'. I have had those feelings so I dont say that lightly. But he needs you.
And he will be an amazing human being. My two are. They all are.
Sending you much love to help you get through your day.xxx

You will be OK. I promise you will
Keep pushing for the diagnosis.
Its OK to feel grief for the life and child you thought you would have. Enter into his world. Find the things that bring him joy. Don't try and shoehorn him into neuro typical behaviour for his age.

You'll be ok, you really will and you'll cope because you'll dig deep and find those reserves.It is hard but accepting things are different is key. I went through many periods like you are, mine's 15 now and not in education at all because he can't cope with it.

You can do this but you have to be that squeaky wheel and don't feel bad about phoning, emailing and badgering every single day. Copy your MP in too.

I don't need them so much these days but go on to the SEN boards, lots of really helpful advice and support over there.

My DC is high functioning so I hope you don't mind me posting here as I know it's not the same. The grief / loss at realising how different life could be for your child is real. My DC is a tween now and some days are wonderful and much easier than other days. Some days are very very hard, but they pass. But my love for them is boundless and the support from my family helps. I take things day by day.