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New mum not coping

4 replies

Amber2802 · 16/04/2020 11:04

Hello, I’ve never posted before but just feel like I need some support. I have a seven week old baby. I’ve really struggled since he was born, at first we didn’t really bond and I felt like he settled, fed etc better with my partner or my mum. I just didn’t feel like I was coping. I struggled with the sleep aspect, but since I’ve just been so down. I don’t feel like a mum at all, my partner seems to do it all and even hearing him cry makes me feel like I can’t cope even when I’m not dealing with him. I sleep through his feeds, and then feel guilty on my partner. I feel like they would be better off without me. I don’t feel like I do much at all, and when I do I just get so stressed. Just feel like I’m at the end of it all and I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
TwistyHair · 16/04/2020 11:08

I’m so sorry to hear you feel like that. Can you call your HV? Hopefully they’re still open. You sound like you want to bond with your baby, I guess it wouldn’t upset you so much otherwise. Bonding doesn’t always happen straight away and can be a sign of depression or anxiety so it’s good to get support if you can. Also just because you haven’t instantly bonded and are struggling, doesn’t mean that you won’t bond or enjoy being a mum later.

TwistyHair · 16/04/2020 11:11

And I think there can be an immense pressure on new mums to just ‘know what to do’. Like this myth of mothers instinct. Whereas actually, it takes time to get to know your baby and learn their cues. And learn what works and what doesn’t when trying to settle them or feed them. And it can be devastating when other people seem to find it easier. Because it makes you feel like such a failure. The fact that you’ve posted on here makes it clear that you want things to change and that’s an amazing place to start from. It shows you care

Howmanysleepsnow · 16/04/2020 11:51

I didn’t bond immediately with my eldest, and like you felt he preferred his dad. For me it was either the start of PND, or the first symptom.
Speak to your GP or health visitor. Keep in touch with friends and family who make you feel good about yourself. Take the baby out for a walk each day on your own- it’ll give you time together and be something just you two are doing together

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TwistyHair · 16/04/2020 18:44

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