I didn't have a very happy childhood, parents divorced when I was 3 and I lived with my mum who spent a lot of time partying, drinking and bringing new men around. She would take me and my sister to the pub most weekends where we would stay until it closed and have to walk her home drunk. This started when I was about 9. She had a string of boyfriends including an attempted murderer, my brother's friend, a local drug dealer etc .. I would regularly have to listen to her having loud sex with her partners from a young age. On one occasion I remember this being during the day when I had my school friends round for lunch. We never had any money and there were times there was no food in the cupboards because she had got her nails done as this was "the only thing she had for herself". My only goal as a mother is to be nothing like her. I have so many issues from my childhood and really struggle with feelings of anger towards her, she seems to of forgotten how she behaved and won't talk about it/pretends it didn't happen. I have low self esteem and am very scared of sex which I believe is something to do with my childhood. I will admit, she is a very good grandmother to my DC, although I find this angers me? Any advice on how move forward from this would be great as I don't like harbouring all this hatred towards her. :(