AIbu to not want step child over?

[itsakindofmagic]

As a family we've been following the lock down guidelines really carefully. Only going out for essentials, the kids haven't left the house for days, not seen family etc. However partners DD (9) is due to come over tomorrow and her family have totally ignored the rules, visiting friends/ family, having people over for BBQs, wondering round Asda because they're bored. I love her dearly but would rather she stay away due to the risk of potential infection. Dp wants his girl over because he obviously misses her and says I'm being unreasonable. However with a new born in the house plus an asmatic daughter of my own I really don't think I am being. Tia

YANBU, safety first.

Could she and your dh go for a long walk together or something? Or use part of the house while your asthmatic dc is elsewhere?

I can understand your point, but you can't ask a parent not to see their dc for a prolonged period when they don't have any symptoms.

I see your point but still .. ....... She IS his daughter and your wee ones big sister so I would think very carefully about excluding her tbh

Why didn’t you discuss this before? Has he known how you’ve felt for the last 3 weeks and gone ahead with plans to have her over anyway? Every blended family I know had this conversation the minute the lockdown announcement was made. I don’t blame you for feeling that way but he either hasn’t seen her for ages or he’s been seeing her since lockdown and you’ve now changed your mind.

It's an awful situation because his dd has no choice in how her parents behave. It's not her fault she was potentially exposed and bbq and shops but ultimately it's not your DC fault either. It's one of those situations where u cant do right for doing wrong. No matter what u do there will be someone let down. I would encourage your dp to speak to his/her ex and if they follow government guidelines for 2 weeks and his dd is symptom free allow visiting but with a new born and asthmatic I would be reluctant to potentially expose them before then.

He has been to see her a few times and she came to stay the first week of lockdown. I'd never normally exclude her, she spends every fri-mon with us so is a huge part of the family, it's just the last couple of weeks they've been socialising so much that's concerning me.
We also did discuss it, and it was agreed that visiting would stay the same which was fine until I found out she had been at a birthday party with 20+ people there. I guess I'm just worried to let anyone into our safe little bubble!

She's not ANYONE
She's effectively part of your household

Just make sure hygiene is meticulous, just as you would if she still had to go to school, due to being the child of a key worker.

As an aside, the kids haven't left the house for days

Why ever not? Get them outside for their daily exercise! I'd go mad if I was stuck in the house for days, no matter how big their garden might be.

Yes very unreasonable. If it was one of your biological kids who had been at their dads and dad had been behaving like this you would still not have them home? If you wouldn’t you’re a cold parent and if you would why is it different for your partners child? No wonder kids of blended families often find it so hard.

Well if has been to see her and is ok, then I would let her come to see you.

I guess I'm just worried to let anyone into our safe little bubble!

Actually, reading that again doesn't sound right.

Your 'safe little bubble' should include his child. He's already seen her a few times and you've left the house within the last few days, so how safe is your 'little bubble' anyway?