DP saying "Leave that, I'll do it later"

[CCaK]

Frequent scenario:

I'm about to hoover.
DP says he'll do it.
6 hours later I hoover.
DP does sad puppy face "I said I was about to do that, why don't you ever let me help"

Ditto: leaving pots to soak for 2 days, leaving wet washing in machine overnight.

Etc etc.

If you say you're "about" to do something don't leave it 2 fucking days! In that time I could have done the whole fucking house.

Lockdown is doing my head in.

Sit on your hands every time op...

That would do my head in too.

I've had many years of this OP. Pick up the hoover.. 'leave that, I'll do it in a bit'.

That is bloody annoying.

Yep, you need to sit on your hands and if necessary remind him. Hard though.

Oh sweet jesus this pisses me off

That now get's a reply of "will you though?" in our house

I am extremely time poor most of the time. so I either do the thing when I am doing it or I don't have time.

Mine did this .
As soon as I had completed a task/chore
Sad face "I could have done that"
Until one day I exploded
"But you fucking well didnt, did you?
I did and you are still claiming credit for it"

Hes stopped now

I have a DH who does that; it’s infuriating

My ex used to do that every time and if I said anything six hours later when he still hadn't done it, he used to get very unpleasant. I had forgotten all about that until this thread!

Mine walks into the kitchen when I've just started washing up and says, "I was going to do that!" in an aggrieved tone of voice.

I'm sure he genuinely was but I'm not going to hang around for today's breakfast and lunch dishes to be added to the pile (which has been known to happen) just so that you can decide there's enough dirty stuff to make it worthwhile washing up from last night's dinner.

Mine does it too but adds "you" to the end.

No, you are not helping me, you are just doing what you bloody well should be doing!

In fairness, he has been much better since the lockdown and realises for the first time ever how much effort goes into keeping the house clean and tidy, clothes washed and food on the table.

Don't do it! Write down, whilst saying out loud, DP to do dishes.
That is all. You have just set your self a reminder. Do not do those dishes. After 12 hours stack them to one side.
It is a deliberate thing he is doing. Do not enable him anymore.
Yes, it will take nerves of steel to follow through. You can change his learned behaviour.
I didn't have nerves of steel and bought a wonderful sink top dishwasher. Money well spent.

I had an ex who used to do this constantly. I think he said it because he felt a bit guilty seeing me doing stuff so would say 'Leave that,I'll do it later'. Well 'later' never came. I just took no notice in the end.

"No, do it now"

Fixed it for you!

Glad it’s not just me then. I cooked dinner early (for us) on Easter Sunday. 2pm so we could enjoy a roast, get cleaned up and relax. 9 pm my DH decided it was time to wash up. Seven sodding hours!
Same when he ‘helps’ with “I’ve put a wash load on.” A week it sat in the machine! Then the crumpled shirts got thrown into a damp, screwed pile, because he knows I like to iron them damp.

I appreciate that he wants to help, I hate having to wait. I’ve started just to blast through with a “but it needs to be done now”
I wish I had an answer.

This sounds annoying I would just carry on if I had already got up to get started, I find that's the hardest part of doing chores anyway.

They all do this. Including mine. Our cleaner isn’t coming at the moment for obvious reasons (before anyone starts, we are still paying her) so the domestic work is down to us.

DH interrupted a Microsoft Teams meeting yesterday to ask me to ‘help him to unload the dishwasher’. The same dishwasher I’d emptied on the previous five occasions, each time followed by “I was going to do that”.

I’ve cleaned the bathroom four times since lockdown: “I was going to do that”. I tested him by asking him what he’d do. He had no idea. What would he clean the loo with? “A bit of paper”.

He hoovered under protest two weeks ago. I pointed out that in the bathroom he’d missed a load of fluff and two dead wood lice. Answer: “you criticise everything I do”.

They are pernicious, OP. You have to keep on at them, even through accusations of ‘nagging’ and ‘being resentful’, otherwise you will end up doing everything whilst the lazy bastards lie on the sofa playing Animal Crossing.

And when they take the bin out or change a light bulb they want a ticker tape parade. I have reluctantly engaged in positive reinforcement because it does seem to work.

My ex used to do this. Drove me mad. He never did this stuff and when I asked for something, like the bin taking out which was generally his job, he would huff and puff about it.

Once I asked him to bring the washing in from the line. He did and put the basket down on the kitchen floor where he walked in the back door. And there it stayed. After 5 days I couldn't stand it anymore so struggled with the overloaded basket up the stairs only for him to go 'I would have done that.' Well why the fuck didn't you then.

He's an ex. DP is significantly better and does things happily. As long as he knows he's appreciated (and it really is!) then he's happy because he knows it makes me happy. Plus he genuinely appreciates anything I do, like washing his stuff when I'm doing ours, having tea ready for him when he's been doing jobs around my house or garden. He doesn't expect it and really appreciates it. Before it was an expectation that this stuff was all done and I never got a thank you for any of it.

I wouldn't do anything for him again, don't do his laundry, don't make him dinner, if he leaves shit lying around, throw it in a bag or box for him to sort himself. When he moans that he has no clean clothes, he's starving, or can't find something, tell him he just needs to be patient, you'll do it later...

Yep, same in our home.

Oh and of course when he cracks and does some stuff himself, put on an innocent face and say "oh I was just about to do that".

I do this.....made me feel bad now. Although I dont leave things days, it's more like 10 mins after dinner DH is washing up and I said I'd do it. Makes me feel bad.

@russel19 there's a big difference between 10 minutes and 10 hours.

DH totally pulls his weight but he does sometimes do this, "leave the dishwasher, I'll empty it later." But... it's already been full of clean stuff for 4 hours and as a result I can't get near the sink/worktop because of all the new dirty stuff that has to go in. But I'm not really complaining as overall he absolutely does his share. And I'm sure I do something similar that annoys him.

I usually respond with 'there's no shortage of jobs to do, pick a different one'.