Reasonable "chores" for a 12 yr old.

[letitpea]

Having just had a conversation with a friend, I'm just wondering what you all consider to be reasonable expectations on a 12 yr old. I don't have children of this age myself, but I was one once, and it seems that current expectations are very much lower these days.

So, what do your 12 yr olds do daily/ weekly to help in the house.

Wash up the things that can't go in the dishwasher one meal a day. (She wants to do this)

Make bed and put dirty clothes in the wash basket.

Tidy up once a day all the toys that have been played with.

DD IS 6.

When I was 12:

We had a dish washing rota, so 2 days a week I'd do dishes
Make my own bed daily

Clean my own room weekly - including hoovering and mopping, spraying and wiping down surfaces

Responsible for sorting my own laundry (but mum would do the washing)

Wiping skirting boards every other week

Dusting every week

Nothing strenuous or time consuming but builds good habits!

My 13 year old washes up once a week, hoovers and dusts the downstairs once a week. Puts his laundry away (I separate the clean, dry washing into piles for myself, him and his brother to put away)
He also lays the table for dinner, takes recycling out (in turns with his brother) and he has started to change his bedding once a fortnight too

I think 'expectations' are very much down to the individual family, not to 'these days'.

Mine are all older now, but at that age they would:
-cook one evening meal a week

• when not their turn to cook, one would have to lay the table / get drinks for everyone / the other would have to unload + load the dishwasher

-responsible for their own rooms (I think at 12, they were still doing an okay job, before the pit of despair came in at around 14) -putting away their own clothes back from the wash -generally helping with the odd task as and when requested (making everyone a cuppa or collecting the bins from round the house to put the rubbish out for the binmen, or helping put the shopping away type things - but on an ad hoc basis, not regularly.

Why, what are your friends' dc doing / not doing ?

I think so much varies depending on standards of parents in the first place, how many children, ages of various children, whether the family has a cleaner etc.
I am expecting totally different things of my two (10 & 7) now we're at home all the time and, critically, the cleaner isn't coming. They've made their beds, put dirty clothes in the laundry basket and helped with things like laying the table for years but now they're cleaning their bedrooms, changing their beds (10yo did hers by herself; 7yo needed help), hoovering, putting the washing on. The fact that they are pretty bored means they're much more willing to get involved than usual!

My dc 11 unload dishwasher daily, sometimes put clothes away and tidy their rooms ( although I do also do this)
They also join in with general family cleaning times.

@BackforGood they're not doing anything, and moan constantly if it's suggested that they do something to help. They occasionally tidy their bedroom. Apparently their friends dont have to do anything either. I just remember what I did and really hope my own do more!

Twins (13) Load dishwasher and wash up/ clear up kitchen after dinner every other day (take turns). Put laundry away, tidy rooms and strip / re make beds. One likes cooking so cooks quite a lot, the other will mow lawn, water plants. Both occasionally hoover. It’s been a bit of a battle to get this far though!

I don't think it is down to 'hope' though, as setting expectations from when they are little. Very much like 'expecting' your child to use please and thank you - if you teach them when they are small, and are consistent that the words are always used, then it just becomes automatic. If you'd never expected them to say please or thank you when they are 3, or 4, or 7 or 8, it is going to be a LOT harder to get them to do it when they are 12.
Also, what they see as an example - does everyone automatically say please and thank you - or, in your question , muck in and clear the table / load the dishwasher / have an 'automati rule' that the person that didn't cook washes up, or whatever - or isn't that what is modelled to them ?

I expect mine to tidy up after themselves and do all their homework.

After having my own childhood clouded by caring for younger siblings and a lot of housework I never wanted the same for mine. Plenty of time for home responsibilities once they are adults themselves.

All kids age between 13 and 8 expected to keep room reasonably hygienic so vacuumed, occasionally dusted, strip beds and put clean sheets on. All set and clear table and load and unload dishwasher and help with washing up. Some days they do it, some we do, some a mix. No hard and fast rule. All also help fold laundry and definitely put own away when folded. All capable of sorting laundry and mostly capable of putting a load on. Might also get asked to vacuum other areas, sweep hard floors or mop.

I really worried about getting corona and having to quarantine and dh either getting it or having to stay away, so my dc got a long overdue crash course in household management.
We have a book now with step-by-step instructions for everything from washing clothes and dishes, to cleaning the litter tray, cooking basic meals to cleaning the bathroom.
I’m really glad that I got this kick up the bum because they need to be more involved in the running of the household for their own sakes and I feel I was failing them by not getting on top of this.

I wouldn’t expect as much help during the school term because extra curricular classes, homework and play take up most of the evenings so as a minimum I would think

• making bed, folding pjs, clothes in laundry hamper or hung up and curtains pulled
• setting table for dinner and clearing dishes afterwards
• 5 minutes tidying up before bedtime.

During holiday time I’d expect a lot more participation and help, and by the summer I’ll be giving them responsibility for their own laundry, a meal to cook once a week and bigger jobs like window cleaning/ car washing.

Mine are 10 and 11.

My 2 grandchildren have a turn and turn about chore routine. One hoovers and the other empties the dish washer. Next day opposite. They are 15 and 11 boy and girl. They are also supposed to keep their rooms tidy but I think my daughter has less success with that

what their friends allegedly do or dont do is irrelevant - kids lie anyway.

your house, your rules. Doing no-one any favours (you least of all) if they don't pull their weight. Whining and whinging results in removal of tech. They can read a book if they are bored, should that happen.

Ds12 has to empty and refill the dishwasher everyday and open and close the house blinds (there's a lot!). Then he puts away his clothes after washing, helps with putting washing in, helps cook, ad-hoc jobs like making me a cuppa 😁 and anything else that crops up in the general running of a household.

Ah yes the mysterious friends who are allowed to do so many things but never have any chores.

The 12 year old cleans up after dinner (usually with my help - at least, I’m around), puts away his laundry and changes his sheets. He also in theory tidies and vacuums his room. He’s started cleaning the loo, and makes me a cup of tea every night. He does ad hoc stuff - cooks occasionally, waters the garden, washes the car (I pay him for that).

I wouldn’t expect as much help during the school term because extra curricular classes, homework and play take up most of the evenings

My thinking has always been not that others in the house "help me", but that 'everyone who lives here contributes, as they are able'. I don't want my dc thinking they are doing me some kind of 'favour' by doing things around the house, I want them to understand that things don't happen by themselves - "someone" needs to cook if we want to eat / "someone" needs to shop if we want to cook / "someone" needs to wash up or load + unload the dishwasher if we want the pots and pans to use for that meal / "someone" needs to put washing in, dry it, sort, fold and deliver it to the right people if we want clean clothes to wear / etc etc.
dh and I have both always worked outside the home and if the dc want us to be able to take them to hobbies, give them lifts to places, support them generally in the way parents do, there is only a finite amount of time in the day, and we can create that time if we all work together.
Once they get into their heads they are somehow 'doing you a favour' rather than just 'doing their bit' , it seems to me it will have all gone wrong.

what their friends allegedly do or don't do is irrelevant - kids lie anyway.

This ^
Don't go basing your parenting decisions on what your dc say their friends do / don't do, or are allowed / aren't allowed

100% @BackforGood

Daily chores are washing up, wiping table, bed making and a bit of tidying at the end of the day. But also asked on occasion to Hoover, dust, sort recycling out, help put shopping away, cut grass, clean bedrooms and bring down own laundry.

There is four of them so it is not loads of work per child but I do think housework is an important skill/habit to instill in children. I've house shared with people who didn't do chores as children and you can tell filthy buggers.

Ds12 and dd13 do a combination of setting table and getting drinks, clearing up after meal, tidying bedrooms, make bed, strip bed but sometimes need a hand putting it back on, hanging out or getting in washing and sorting in piles then put theirs away, hoovering, feeding pets and cleaning them out, dd helps cook but ds is a liability in kitchen!