Finding out about friends lives via social media

[AprilMay89]

I'm wondering how others feel about this?

When you log into social media and see a friends page with news about their life - and this is the way you find out - does it make you feel bad, good or neither?

I suppose it's the world we live in now, people announce things on social media rather than telling people face to face, but I think it's common to feel somewhat hollow and sad.

Reason for post, used to be in a group of three close friends. One of them pulled away a bit over the past year, seemed to be disinterested. Spoke to other friend today and she said she had seen an update about a big change in friends life. There was a sense of deflation from both of us, but neither of us could place why! Interested if anyone has had a similar reaction?

PS of course there are no negative feelings towards friend, just a sense of deflation!

Is it just in this current lockdown situation you are feeling this? I don't think anyone is sharing anything face to face at the moment!

Honestly this really depends on the friend.
If it was my best friend then yes, I would be hurt and quite shocked she didnt tell me herself. It would be very unlike her too.

But a lot of my other friends are more casual friendships so I wouldn’t be bothered at all if they did it.

Thanks for your reply - That's an extremely good point!

I should clarify when I say 'face to face' I mean in a personal interaction e.g phone call or message rather than via an online update

Thanks @Russellbrandshair that's a good point. The friendship in question is complex.

We were close years ago, fell out, became close again, then have drifted apart.

She was my bridesmaid and I am godmother to her daughter, so I assumed we had a strong friendship even if we didn't speak much.

I'm just surprised she didn't tell us in a message, but I wonder if our friendship is more casual to her now, it's a bit sad if so but I get that.

It depends on how close the friendship is. For acquaintances and outer circle friends, I understand the convenience of announcing something on FB (it’s the modern day version of the Announcement section in a newspaper). It also helps as topics of conversation next time I see that person.

For a closer friend, I would expect/hope to be told before the official announcement is made.

Do you know why your friend pulled away? If a friendship wanes, I lose interest in a person and either unfollow or skim read their posts.

Thank you for your reply

I'm not sure. The last time we saw each other was a long time ago, and I remember it being quite an average meet up.

She has a competitive streak, and our other friend said she had some quite good news, I wondered if maybe she was worried about dealing with jealousy and so pulled away.

That said, she certainly isn't jealous of me, so I'm not sure she would have pulled back so strongly. She has sort of taken less and less interest as the past year has gone on.

It's a strange one, I still thought of her as a good friend (although we had our moments) and that we just didn't meet/chat regularly. It's a bit of a shock and a bit sad to realise she didn't see me that way.

I love my friends dearly but they’re all busy people and after the debacle where I failed to tell lots of people I was pregnant with DS1 I share slightly more on social media. There’s nobody who I see more than once or twice a month though and ok my friends are that way...nobody has besties (frankly we didn’t even at school much).

It's the way things are now I guess, most of us share lots of news on social media

I suppose I just a bit of a shock to find out sometimes!

Sending you hugs. It’s never nice to realise that a friend doesn’t care as much about you as you do about her. Take care of yourself and try not to think about her so much.

This might be a good time to try to reconnect? Could you suggest a group zoom drinks/coffee meet up?

I would hate this.

I personally rang or texted my nearest and dearest when We got engaged and I found out I was pregnant. If they didn't do the same for me, I'd be quite offended and question how close we actually are.

Thanks for responses I appreciate them

I suppose I could try to reconnect but I wonder if it's best to leave it, I'm very unsure about whether she even wants to

It's just thrown me a bit.

I thought of us as friends still. I feel the big things are the things you tell your friends about. The way she is now, I can see she obviously doesn't see our friendship as important and it's shocked me a bit.

It's made me question a lot and I'm wondering if I've got other things wrong in my friendships