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No idea what to do with my ds10 anymore

9 replies

Mummypig2020 · 14/04/2020 19:25

Ds is a loving boy and can be sensitive. But it’s getting past a joke.

He’s became arrogant, rude and disrespectful. He claims we all hate him and that he will just leave whenever I try and tell him off.

He makes things up, like I would say something and he would swear down that I said/meant something else which means I’m being mean (if that makes sense).

He buts into half a conversation and thinks he knows everything but in a moody way.

Tonight Iv asked him 20 times to keep the noise down. I finally snapped and shouted to be quiet and he just fell to the floor sobbing that I’m so mean.

It’s so tiring.

He is constantly negative.

I worry he will kill himself when he’s older because he generally believes we hate him no matter what we do.

He overreacts to anything. If Dd3 goes to say hi he will literally scream hysterically that it’s not fair he never gets a break etc. He’s over the top all the time.

OP posts:
peajotter · 14/04/2020 20:12

Argh I feel your pain. I have one dc like this, other two are much more amenable.

The only thing that works for me (sometimes) is a bit of “quality time”, much as I hate that expression. Doing something together that he is passionate about helps to offset some of the negativity.

There’s a good CBT book for kids called “what to do when you grumble too much”, might be worth a try. We didn’t get far as ds complains and sulks whenever I open it!

Mummypig2020 · 14/04/2020 21:45

I will look into that book, thank you x

OP posts:
TotallyKerplunked · 14/04/2020 22:36

DS1 (8) is like this. It's exhausting. I will look for the book as well.

Mine is the the same at school, I'm constantly being contacted about his behaviour, i'm been sent on a "understanding your child" course (once all this c19 is over) which I'm hoping will be useful and he has been referred by school for an autism assessment. If he displays the same behaviour at school see what they can suggest to help.

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Windyatthebeach · 14/04/2020 22:38

Ime lack of routine can be rubbish for dc.
Ds11 is being a nightmare.

MontysOarlock · 14/04/2020 22:40

Also at 10 he is old enough to have a conversation which starts with you saying things like, surely if I didn't like you I wouldn't make your dinner, or wash your clothes?

Do you every tell him what you like about him? So when he is kind you verbalise it so he hears you saying it?

Our internal dialogue is much faster than our speech, meaning we can think a lot of bad things in a short space of time. Maybe not having friends to play with affirming friendships and people choosing to be with him is having an effect on him.

At the end of every school day we used to play "pits and cherries" so pits, crappy parts of the day, followed by cherries, the good stuff. This may help him recognise the good things about a day or himself.

Also if you have had a bad day you can always tell him tomorrow is a new day and the slate is wiped clean.

NotNowPlzz · 14/04/2020 22:45

I'm going to sound like a stuck record because I always say this but the Nurtured Heart Approach by Howard Glasser. Developed for emotionally intense children. They have a free online course and various books about it.

fascinated · 14/04/2020 22:45

I get glimpses of this if he is tired. Or overstimulated. Agree quality time, an early night, a silly ticking game or sth, or joining in watching one of his daft you tubers and laughing along to the vines, or trying to do the fortnite dances and letting him laugh at me sometimes work to break the tension ....

Gettingo · 14/04/2020 22:48

My son was a bit like that but recently things are improving a lot!

Here are things that have helped.

  1. Give him clear instructions what to do when he's frustrated or angry. For us it was to leave the room and take time to calm down. Then, praise him when he does that.
  1. Acknowledge that he needs his space. Younger siblings can be really annoying. It's not wrong to be annoyed and want to be alone sometimes. That is fine.
  1. Lots of exercise, indoor and outdoor.
  1. A schedule and clear expectations, as a PP has said.
  1. Back him up. My son is someone who never complains until it all becomes overwhelming, so I had to look out for examples where the others were being unfair to him and intervene, when he was still quiet. That made a big difference.
  1. Tell him you have faith in him, he's a good person, and that together you'll find a way for him to show his good character.
Gettingo · 14/04/2020 22:51

Oh, and early bedtimes of course!

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