Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Dh wants another baby

5 replies

OhNoNoNoNotThatOne · 14/04/2020 08:53

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I'm just a little shocked and need to write it down.

Dh and I have been together for almost 13 years, married for 8 and have a 9 month old ds. He never wanted children, he only agreed to have ds as he knew how much having a family meant to me and I issued an ultimatum (I'm not proud but when you want something giving a this or that is the only way) he knows I've always wanted 2.

Anyway, after 4 years of not actively preventing pregnancy a year of trying and 3 miscarriages, we have a gorgeous healthy ds.

This lockdown period has been good for us as a couple because we're all in the house together and not had a break except for shipping trips for weeks now, although we've bickered, we've realised how close and how happy we are as a couple, I'm aware how lucky I am here, believe me.

We were talking last night and he suggested once we're out of lockdown I go to the GP and have my coil removed (I had it fitted in November) and we start trying for number 2.

This has really thrown me as for the first 3 months of ds life he struggled to settle into fatherhood, but as ds has developed a personality and started crawling, pulling himself up, generally being a person, dh is loving being a dad.

From day one he was brilliant, helping around the house, changing nappies, doing feeds (ds was express fed to 6 months so all bottle) taking ds out when he got home from work to give me a break. He was basically doing the things that he thinks a dad "should do" but like I said for the first few months he was just doing it, not because he wanted to spend time with ds, although clearly they bonded because ds crawls round the house after him now and he uses ds in his home workouts, it's so cute!

My point is anyway, is it really possible for a man that never wanted children to go 180 and after having one for his partner to decide a second would be good?

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 14/04/2020 08:58

Of course, Expectation and reality are different; he’s adjusted to the reality of becoming a father and now has a different view on the world. Sounds like a very sensible basis for making that sort of decision.

Also - don’t underestimate the power of convention. There’s a widespread belief (for right or wrong) that two kids is the “right” number; having had one, he may well be in this mindset as well.

PotteringAlong · 14/04/2020 09:02

Of course it is. Have you never changed your mind about anything?

OhNoNoNoNotThatOne · 14/04/2020 09:12

I think you've got a point about convention there @NataliaOsipova

True, @PotteringAlong I have changed my mind about stuff, I think it's because children are such a big deal and most of our 20s have been him saying he doesn't want any, it was only when we got to 27 and I said I wanted a baby by the time we were 30, and gave him a year to decide if he could do it or if we would need to reconsider our relationship. I think the fact that he's done from not wanting them, to giving me one to now saying let's have another, it's the total change that thrown me, because I was happy to stay at one for him. If that makes sense?

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

NataliaOsipova · 14/04/2020 10:12

it's the total change that thrown me, because I was happy to stay at one for him. If that makes sense?

It does. But, in a sense, maybe for him it wasn’t about the number of kids per se, maybe it was a lifestyle choice - ie to have the freedom you get when you’re child free versus the life you have as a family man. Having gone down the family route, number two probably seems like the next logical step in life for him rather than any sort of volte face.

billy1966 · 14/04/2020 10:50

OP, I wouldn't think there is anything strange in someone changing their mind after having a child and really getting into it.

I remember my husband being genuinely stunned at home much he loved our first child.
He couldn't believe the love he felt.

I have no doubt that he fell more deeply in love with our baby than with me.

But I felt the same way.

He's loving the baby which is great and part of loving his son is being very protective of him.

He's probably thinking he doesn't want him to be an only child and that a sibling would be lovely for him.

All very normal.

But very normal for you to want to have a good think about it.
It's early days.

I wouldn't stress about it.
Enjoy this time see how things go.

Two small babies under two would be very full on...
Big difference to having one.

Flowers
New posts on this thread. Refresh page