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Anyone else dread their birthday?

23 replies

Readysetcake · 13/04/2020 22:15

I don’t just mean because you’re having a birthday in lockdown. Sending sympathy if you have had/are due to have one and can’t celebrate as you wish.

I mean just in general every year dread it? It just makes me feel shit. Not sure why. Maybe it reminds me how few friends I have? How insignificant I am? How it’s always anticlimactic. Not sure. I just know I’m dreading it and it’s still almost two weeks away. Feel the same every year.

Anyone else feel the same?

P.s. I’m aware this is a first world problem and there are bigger things going on right now. Just interested to know if I’m a minority.

OP posts:
nzeire · 13/04/2020 22:24

Yes! I absolutely HATE my birthdays. Delighted when the day is over!

Mixitupalot · 13/04/2020 22:38

Yep hate my birthday with a passion, I have some childhood traumas & it hits me like a brick on my birthday every year.

I also have no friends & a demanding job so usually feel even worse. This year I’ve booked it off work & I intend to stay in bed and feel sorry for myself.

TigerDroveAgain · 13/04/2020 22:45

I’m not a great one for my birthday generally but last year my mum died on my birthday. It was actually the very stroke of midnight! DS said it was about the most Grandma-ish thing she could possibly have done, she was quite a difficult person. This year DH and I went away for the weekend and just tried to have a nice time, not very birthday themed. I’m not sure how I feel about future ones, probably that I’d like a different birthday really

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Bargebill19 · 13/04/2020 23:20

Yes. I just ignore them. Partly because I hate receiving gifts. I’m very sheldon like, and I get all kerfuffled in having to reciprocate.

MrsPear · 14/04/2020 02:48

They are always shit.

Today is my birthday.

If I’m lucky h will have bought a card before but usually he pops out in the afternoon. The children are only young so that’s that. Lucky if they remember before asking for breakfast. The only person who is thoughtful is my mother - she always sends a card and gift. It’s not the amount it’s the acknowledgement of my existence or rather the lack of acknowledgement that is upsetting. I had a near miss a few years ago and it makes you wonder if I would really be missed or just my ability to produce food, clean/tidy house and make sure everyone has clean pants.

Snaleandthewhail · 14/04/2020 03:37

Yes!

It underlines how much my parents don’t understand me every year. There’s a present which invariably makes me feel worse than
No present (I ask for no present): something very ugly with a “I saw this and thought it was exactly you”, or earrings for my never pierced ears, etc. Even if I give them a really specific, not at all expensive instruction, it’ll go wrong. Last year my card had a handwritten message about my age. Except i wasn’t that age. And despite for ten years me saying that my name is still exactly the same as it was the day they named me, it’s often addressed with some variation of my husband’s surname in it.

All of this and I’m expected to ring them to thank them otherwise I’m the rude one. At least last year my child said “grandma you’re silly, mummy is x this year and you said she was y, I thought you were supposed to be mummy’s mummy”. Bless the honesty of six year olds.

I have other family members too who make me feel bad about myself. I honestly know how lucky I am to have folk to remember me and buy me a present and if they stick to “buy me a book token or a pack of chocolate buttons” i ask for every time it would be fine, but instead every present I have received in recent years has made me feel worse about myself. And then there’s the lashings off gratitude I need to demonstrate. And the guilt I feel that way. And the trip to the charity shop.

I have thought long and hard about it and it would be a relief not to have that palaver.

I also don’t have really close friends, although I find it easy enough to invite random people from the school playground out for a “let’s go to the pub to celebrate” etc.

My husband tries, but he doesn’t do special easily and is an anti social git, so there would never be a meal arranged for friends, a party, etc without me making the effort.

And to top it all we get another year older!

Unhappy birthday everyone.

LoveIsLovely · 14/04/2020 03:43

I'm the same. Not really many friends and just going for a meal with my husband doesn't feel that special as we do that all the time anyway. I always feel sad on my birthday.

Bluewavescrashing · 14/04/2020 04:05

I've never made a big deal out of my birthday and don't go out with friends etc as I always worry nobody will want to come.

Last year I was quite unwell (not contagious) and decided to go out to a busy cafe anyway for breakfast with DH and the kids, it was too much for me and I cried on the way home.

I'll ask DH to cook me some nice food at home this year.

bettybattenburg · 14/04/2020 04:24

I'm not bothered about mine, it's just another day.

Bowerbird5 · 14/04/2020 04:40

Just had mine and it was the first time I haven’t seen many of my children. I felt quite sad about that. They did phone me I think they found it quite strange too. DD Skyped me from NZ so I sort of saw her and she looked lovely and healthy. They are running out of money though as they were supposed to be working starting a fortnight ago.

PhilCornwall1 · 14/04/2020 05:08

Sending sympathy if you have had/are due to have one and can’t celebrate as you wish.

I had a "lockdown birthday on Saturday", absolutely loved it. I was able to do exactly what I wanted for a change. We had a cracking walk on the beach, got home and we sat in the garden in the sun with a box of wine and put a considerable dent in it. Perfect!

I didn't end up with a tonne of stuff I didn't want either. A couple of cards and vouchers which I can actually make use of.

blablablablablablabla · 14/04/2020 05:15

I have pre birthday grumps, no particular reason. On the morning of my birthday I wake up fine but leading up to it I am quite hard to live with. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don't know how to change it really.

PhilCornwall1 · 14/04/2020 05:32

@blablablablablablabla The pre-birthday grumps certainly are a thing aren't they. I do get them. I think it's because I normally get some comments like "oh, you are going to love your birthday present". That's usually from my mother. I get grumpy because I'm late 40s not bloody 12!! Grin

I've not had that this year as I haven't seen them, so there was no grump.

SnowsInWater · 14/04/2020 05:35

The only day of the year that I ever think about the fact that I am adopted is my birthday. Usually I don't have a problem with this but as the years pass - I am now in my 50s - the "I wonder is my birth mother still alive" thought seems a little sadder.

ItsAlrightItsASecret · 14/04/2020 05:43

Yes. Same here.

It's actually my birthday today and its the first time, for as long as I can remember, that i haven't felt dreadful in the run up to it. This is partly because there is no expectation of me to 'celebrate' it due to the lockdown.

It reminds me that I'm unloved; that I have very few friends. I don't receive cards or presents and haven't for a good many years.

I have no issue at all with getting older so it has nothing to do with that.

It's more a hangover from an abusive upbringing where I am reminded that a) my existence is resented by the people who brought me into the world and b) just how little of it I have lived and just how much I have left. It doesn't feel like something to 'celebrate' tbh. It just shines a spotlight on me that I don't want.

I'm 45 today so I think my contentment is largely down to the fact that I'm finally (over?) halfway through it and m confident I've got less to go than I've already lived. I'll keep my head down for the next 40+ years and then it'll all be over.

Pelleas · 14/04/2020 06:57

No, I usually look forward to it as I always take the day off work and plan a day trip and meal out with my family (husband, parents, sister). I don't have many friends and none that I would think of seeing on my birthday, but my family are enough for me - I would probably feel very differently if I had no family, of course. It will be very depressing if we are still on lockdown, as I'm sure it will be for most people but in normal circumstances I see it as a pleasant and special day.

DappledThings · 14/04/2020 08:42

I hate it. Have done for as long as I remember. Nothing to do with ageing, I'm fine with that. I just hate presents. I hate being made a fuss of. It's just awful.

I spent years trying to politely minimise it, being polite when people ignored what I requested (to ignore it) and decided last year when I was 40 that I was old enough to put my foot down about it and stop pandering to what anyone else wanted. That meant PIL taking home again the presents they had brought. They were the only people who had tried to foist something on me and hopefully will this year have accepted it like everyone else has.

Readysetcake · 14/04/2020 17:13

Thanks for all your replies. So glad I’m not the only one the that the pre birthday grumps!

Sorry to everyone that has a real reason to not enjoy their birthday rather than my crap unknown one Flowers

So Sorry for your loss @TigerDroveAgain that must be hard to reconcile.

(Un)Happy birthday @MrsPear @ItsAlrightItsASecret

I too wonder if it’s because I question what little impact it would have on people (except my mum who is the only one that makes an effort bless her) if I just disappeared. Or if it’s because there is always such expectation around your birthday - what did you get, how did you celebrate. Like everything else in this shitty world it feels like something else to be judged on. Also agree about gifts. The ones I get make me feel like no one knows me at all. I don’t want expensive things. A good cookbook, something crafty. I’d rather get nothing than some for the sake of it.

Ah well they are an inevitable fact of life. Maybe I should do the whole spend a day in bed thing. Especially this year as I can’t go anywhere anyway!

OP posts:
dyscalculicgal96 · 14/04/2020 17:21

I love birthdays. To me they are a excuse to celebrate and have fun. Plus I get to dance too. And have some fun as well and eat too much cake. This is a interesting discussion question. On my birthday, we always play some games as a family. Last year we played games like Charades and Scrabble too. We also make small talk over wine.

Howmanysleepsnow · 14/04/2020 17:28

I hate mine. Growing up I haven’t really celebrated since one year (10th I think) every guest either RSVPed no, cancelled last minute or just didn’t show.
I’ve had one non-family present since (bubble bath from a baby group acquaintance 14 years ago) and I was so emotional I cried!
I have no friends so not even a Facebook message here.
DH goes all out, but I think I’ve too much baggage now!

Readysetcake · 14/04/2020 17:42

@Howmanysleepsnow that sounds traumatic! I would never throw a part for fear no one would show. Nice that your DH tries though Flowers

OP posts:
Howmanysleepsnow · 14/04/2020 17:46

@Readysetcake he’s great! XH used to forget most years with the excuse I “hadn’t told him” so it’s a refreshing change!

ItsAlrightItsASecret · 14/04/2020 17:53

Thanks!

I've seen most of the day in bed. I tried to put a brave face on it this morning when I relied to fb messages but I wont speak on the phone or get into a conversation.

I thought that, by removing all presents from my life, it would ease it a bit. It hasn't. At all. But at least I no longer have to feign enjoyment to anyone!

Doldrums doesn't quite cut it. I can't even speak. I just need to be left completely alone.

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