DH being overly concerned - niggling me

[Greenleavesawash]

DH has/is always been family focussed and I’d never have him down as a worrier (always been sensible, caring, thoughtful etc...)

However after realising that for past three weeks I have done the “big shop” every time - I have questioned why it’s me always doing it (every week we say - “when it’s your turn” etc and give tips on where queues begin and protocol re social distancing etc)

Tomorrow is vey much “his turn” and he’s just admitted he’s scared and can’t do it. Now I’m not cross and he’s also doing the other stuff (will go to corner shop, deal with deliveries, clean up etc) but the big supermarket shop is his concern.

At the moment he works (at home) as do I - our kids are older but still living at home (can’t drive) and in every aspect we are pulling together and doing fine, but this seems really odd

He has some health conditions but none affected by covid - I think he’s showing his natural worry side - but it’s a surprise

Anyone else surprised by their close family’s reaction too?

I think the cancer is a huge factor and really surprised you chose to leave it out of your op.

He is vulnerable, and his immunity will be a lot lower than yours, I expect, making him more susceptible.

Thanks all - I left out cancer originally as, like I said, it is not relevant to Covid - nor is his age. Apologies if anyone feels I mis-led them. I don't know whether this new anxiety is related to his condition - he says it's not but can't articulate why. I imagine it's a mix of things - he is avidly watching news (too much in my opinion) and also working and I feel that may also contribute. He is the least anxious person I know and usually very levelheaded - so this is a surprise. He does go out - walks, gardening, smaller shops, pharmacy etc... it's the supermarket shop that unnerves him. Like I said earlier he is doing other things and we are all supportive of each other - so not a biggy! Just wanted to see if others had similar situations

He's 20 years older and lives with cancer.

I'd explicity ban him from the supermarket for the time being....

He’s 20 years older than me and has cancer (still miraculously not in at risk group)

Oh for crying out loud, why can't you understand why he's terrified of going to the shops? He has cancer, ffs! Do you know what would be likely to happen if he got the virus?

Gee thanks HollowTalk I didn't realise you knew my DH's situation better than me! We've been living with this for over eight years - so it's not something I've just adapted to. If he got the virus it would not impact his cancer - I have already said that.

How is his age not relevant though?

As in- if you have teenage kids and he’s 20 years older I assume he must be at least in his 50s which does put him at higher risk than you?

Yup. My husband panicked from the start. Kept saying the economy would collapse. I kept telling him off for being over the top

Every. Single. Thing. He was worried about cane true. I listen to him always now. Lols

The guidance re social distancing says 70 and over. Our children are adults in their 20s

I can understand, given the drip-feed, why he's scared!
I'm doing all the shopping for myself and DP. I don't want him at risk more than necessary. He has mild asthma, not bad enough to be at risk, but still...I don't so I'm doing the shopping. In our case, it's because it makes me feel better!

Has he had an NHS letter saying he is high risk?

Very similar to our situation except it’s me that is inordinately worried. DP has been twice and I have been once and I don’t want to go again. DP has offered to always go but I am aware of the higher risk to men and don’t really want him to. This worry has surprised me a bit as I’m usually so hung-ho.

The guy has cancer, he's obviously worried about his chances if he gets this. Regardless, he's been and is going through a lot. It's very likely that this pandemic has just tipped him over the edge.
I think he's reached his peak emotionally.
We all get to a stage where something can tip us over the edge. It can be absolutely anything and it can be something big or something that seems silly to others.
He's at his limit.

Apologies for delay in getting back - no he has no NHS letter TorkTork as not in any at risk group. Thanks all for thoughts -“ big shop” now done for another week. Agree that this may be time when unknown anxieties come to surface and I respect that.

I'm avoiding supermarkets - I'd particularly avoid if I was an older male with cancer
My brother has covid and it's awful if you get a moderate case - he's been very sick for almost two weeks now bless him 😞

He probably feels very vulnerable because of the cancer. It can bring home that you are mortal.

I won’t let DH shop as he gets bad asthma and struggles breathing at the best of times.

He’s not scared. But I am scared for him.

Everyone deals with things differently, lots of people are scared.

Could you not just do the next shop?

Agree TheHumans - like I said shopping all done (by me) as it has been for past six weeks!

I can understand his anxieties. Visiting small shops but not supermarkets is a bit topsy turvy, though. Social distancing is so much easier in a large store with wide aisles than our little coop with barely a 3' gap to squeeze through, in places.

I know what you mean PickAChew - to be fair though our local corner shop is operating like Checkpoint Charlie and only allowing one customer in at a time! Wr are in a busy inner city area so wonder if that makes supermarkets more worrying (no real quiet times, lots of workers etc)