I can't cope anymore.

[ginandgingers92]

I can't cope right now. I think I'm on the verge of PND or a breakdown.

I've got a 7 week old (3 weeks adjusted) and a toddler and I'm finding this so hard.

My husband is a key worker and works shifts so it feels like he's never at home. I'm breastfeeding my newborn but 7 weeks in and it STILL hurts. Ive tried so many things to make it better. I can't get any meaningful support because of the current CV situation. Understandable but so hard. My baby is cluster feeding all afternoon, every afternoon, and I sit on the sofa, uncomfortable, daily telling my toddler I can't play with them right now.
My baby is either eating, sleeping or crying. There is no time where they seem content, and I don't know if it's too be expected due to adjusted age, or to be concerned about because they're like this at 7, nearly 8 weeks. They won't be put down, and can't be carried comfortably in a sling, so every time I have to do my toddler's tea, nappy, or play with him, there is screaming, like my baby is in pain. I worry how much this will damage them. I also worry how my toddler will be affected by the sudden lack of attention and play from me.

I haven't been outside in weeks. I had the worst pregnancy and shut myself off from a lot of people in attempt to cope, so I haven't had any semblance of a social life for over 9 months and I just feel so alone and not like 'myself' anymore.

I'm sitting here trying not to cry, whilst my baby feeds and my toddler eats dinner, but I'm not sure how much longer I will be able to cope. I've had MH struggles in the past and I worry about the path I may be going down. I haven't had mine and Baby's 6 week check yet, this won't be until baby is 11 weeks, so I haven't had a chance to discuss with my doctor.

I don't know what to do. I cannot imagine the rest of my maternity leave being like this.

I absolutely love babywearing and did it with my son until he was just under 2, but my baby was born with a club foot, was in casts from 1 week old and is now in boots and bars. I can't put her in the stretchy wrap my son was in, so I bought another sling, but the angle her feet are held at means it's not comfortable for her. :/

Pic of the boots and bar because it's hard to explain

I don't have any advice op but just wanted to say that one of my twins was born with bilateral talipes and is currently asleep with his boots and bar on,exactly same place ones as your DD. There's a very useful Facebook group called Happy Feet if you feel like joining, full of help and advice and general chat about it. I found it really helped x

I've got bottles, steriliser and a perfect prep from before so the switch would be easy if I did decide to do it.

I really like the idea of baby sensory videos (I worry she's not alert enough so this could help) but the minute YouTube is opened my toddler wants to watch diggers 😴😂

No real advice just . I found this time really hard with my reflux-y newborn and toddler too. It does pass and get easier _ my two are strapping teenagers now. Do whatever gets you through. Picnic teas on the sofa (could you partner prep it for you??) watching CBeebies together was very definitely quality parenting time for me at that age.

This is such a difficult time, I’m sure you’re doing a great job. Looking after a new born and a toddler is so impossible and daunting in normal circumstances, let alone during lockdown. I personally wouldn’t recommend switching to formula now if you can really avoid it (my 2nd took forever to get the hang of breastfeeding and I was definitely still sore at 8weeks). I had to switch from breastfeeding to formula a couple of months ago due to health reasons and wish I was still breastfeeding so I didn’t have the stress of buying formula right now.

Also my toddler watched a LOT of tv when I had my newborn. I couldn’t baby wear either and my new born wouldn’t be put down to sleep so we all spent hours in the lounge feeding in front of the TV. It wasn’t ideal but we survived. Don’t be hard on yourself.

Oh bless you, it sounds like you are doing a sterling job in very tough circumstances. I am no expert but I think that weight gain sounds really good! You could just introduce one or two bottles if you didn’t want to completely switch, might get you a longer stretch in the evening.

If you want to keep on bfing maybe a video consultation with a lactation consultant?

My DD has terrible reflux and this made her feed constantly, vomit lots, and she was a misery. Like a different baby after getting her medication right - omeprazole suspension. Can you speak to a GP?

In the meantime, do whatever you need to make it through, all the tv, chocolate for breakfast, sod the housework etc. Be kind to yourself

I've spoken to la Leche twice and a lactation consultant once, but no video calls. I'll look into that.
Since putting my toddler to bed at 7, she has literally not stopped feeding. She has gone from one side to the other for 4 hours. Not break in between. Is this cluster feeding?? I thought that was little and often, not all the time!
I feel sad but I asked my husband to pick up one bottle of premade formula on his way home from work. I sound awful but right now I just want her off me and to be on my own.

@MakeLemonade I have thought about reflux but she doesn't vomit (has done it 5x max in 7 weeks. Maybe silent reflux.
This is why it would have been good to have the 6 week check close to 6 weeks!

Hope you manage to get some sleep Tonight. Pp said you are a hero. She’s right. Heros do difficult jobs. You can and you will do this. Good call on the formula. Fed is best.

I will jump in and say there is nothing wrong with switching to bottle (or even do both!) - do what works for you to make this easier on yourself x

I had similar problems with feeding. Two wise, experienced people gave me invaluable advice: 1) count to 10, by the time you get to 10 the pain is bearable and 2) give one bottle at your bedtime to give yourself a few hours sleep and it won't affect your milk supply.
I followed both these pieces of advice and would highly recommend- they saved my sanity.

Oh OP, I really feel for you as I was in this position last year with my DD and felt as though I couldn’t go on. I had only a 12 month gap between her and my DS2 and DS1 was only 4 so her first few months were SO hard. Breastfeeding never worked for us and in the end I switched to bottle at about 7 weeks. I don’t regret it for a second. DH could take over some feeds and I could get a bit of sleep which really helped make me feel human again. I also bought a white noise machine from eBay which was my best ever buy. I’d had it on my phone up until then but was never loud enough. The one I got on eBay went really loud and had a timer and it was a miracle worker in getting her to sleep. Also tightly swaddling.
Hang in there, sounds like you’re doing a fab job

Sounds like it's time to switch to the bottle.

Op I feel for you! Have an 8 week old, a just 4 year old any my husband is recovering from Coronavirus - thankfully he's out of isolation now but exhausted and with secondary pneumonia to recover from. My 8 week old is bf constantly and won't be put down - but I've just received scales (in isolation for 4 weeks now so can't get out to weigh in) and he's only gained 1lb since birth... he's now below the lowest centile growth curve despite good latch, regular feeding, wet and dirty nappies et etc...like you, I carry a lot of guilt about a csection and ff dc1. Obviously I have to add some forumLa now, after a few days of trying he is taking a bottle and I'm giving 2 formula feeds a day and trying to keep breastfeeding up. But it's exhausting physically and emotionally... I feel so broken by the lack of weight gain and how much my 4 year old is suffering that I'm constantly feeding the baby while she's missing nursery so much. She's been very clingy while daddy has been so unwell too...
Reading the advice you have here has helped... lose the guilt about formula and keep going ... thinking of you