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Original poster

Lockdown has made me realise I only really have a handful of friends

37 replies

Givemestrengthorgin · 13/04/2020 10:49

Being in lockdown has made me realise there is only 3 people in the world out with my own small family that I could phone for a chat and they wouldn't wonder why or think it was a bit odd. I've realised I've got a lot of acquaintances through my DC's school that I sometimes go out for drinks with as a group but if I was to phone any of them up individually they would probably think it was weird. It's made me feel a bit lonely.

OP posts:
cannotfindanickname · 13/04/2020 10:51

But 3 is enough.

LashesZ · 13/04/2020 10:52

Better to have 3 good friends to call upon in times of need than 10 acquaintances that are based on shallow relationships. I've found a lot of people with these huge friendship groups are artificial relationships with the common goal of "having lots of friends". Real friends are are rarity.

BurgerOnTheOrientExpress · 13/04/2020 10:53

There we are. I've made it 3 for you.

StormBaby · 13/04/2020 10:54

Not wanting to sound like I'm downplaying it, but you have 3 more than me! I've not seen anyone socially in well over a year, and even that was just once. It was probably a year before that.

nina97 · 13/04/2020 10:55

I think this will be one of the things we will come out of this, a sharper focus on what and who is important. Someone once said to me if you have as many friends as you have fingers on one hand you are a very fortunate person. We can have lots of acquaintances but when you only have a certain amount of energy who do you really want to spend it on.... So flip what you thought on its head.. How lucky are you to have three friends ❤️. I think you'll find that's more normal that not. And it is easy to feel so so lonely during these times. Just had the same conversation with my little son last night, who was feeling so lonely. Xx

Francesthemute · 13/04/2020 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SliAnChroi · 13/04/2020 10:57

Me too. There are about five people I'm close to and some live in different countries. I could if I saw them, pick it right back up, but we're miles apart. I think I need somebody who lives a kilometre away!

Also, I don't have ''best friends''. I would like to be part of a big group but every time I kind of am, one competitive person will stonewall me and attempt to squeeze me out. I think I have to accept just being friendly with people rather than having close friends. There is no understanding with any of the people I'm friendly with that I would do something for them if they needed it and vice versa. I should offer. I always assume they have somebody closer, and mostly they do.

Original poster
Givemestrengthorgin · 13/04/2020 10:57

Yes you are both right. I suppose i feel lonely because although these 3 are all good friends none are like a "bestie" as the kids say. One lives quite far away and we only catch up occasionally, the other is a friend who is very very busy in her social life and has loads of friends so while I count her as a close friend I expect I am just one of many to her. The other is quite a new friend I met through having my DC that I do really value and she is an excellent friend so I will try and focus on that more.

OP posts:
Francesthemute · 13/04/2020 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oblomov20 · 13/04/2020 11:03

3 deep friendships is more than enough.
I have my mum, and 4 close friends.

QueenOfWinterfell · 13/04/2020 11:16

Three good friends is fine. It’s better than 10 acquaintances. I have 3 good friends and am happy to not have more.

Witchend · 13/04/2020 11:17

Maybe turn it round.

How many people if you received a phone call just wanting a chat would you think "oh nice of them to call" and how many would you think "wish they hadn't"?

Outside family I have about 3 people who would phone for a chat, with no particular reason.
However there are a huge number of other people that if they called me, I would happily talk with and enjoy it-and I'm not a huge small-talk-on-the-phone person. I wouldn't think "oh that's odd" or "why?"
I suspect a lot of the people who you are putting in the latter category are similar, would just think how nice it was to chat if you called.

There are of course the people who if they called you would feel like your opening line should be "what are you after?" However, assuming you're not in that category, I doubt anyone would think anything other than "how kind" if you phoned to check they were okay.

Bluesheep8 · 13/04/2020 11:20

I don't have any friends. But I knew this before the lockdown started.

AnaphylacticAnnabelle · 13/04/2020 11:21

Family
AND three friends!? Count yourself lucky 🍀

Lampan · 13/04/2020 11:25

You are assuming that your acquaintances would think it would be weird if you called them, you don’t know this for sure though, they might be delighted to hear from you. Nothing to lose by trying surely? If they live nearby you could always have an excuse such as you are shopping and do they need anything?
One of my good friends now is someone I was acquainted with and then she made an unexpected effort with me and we now have a lovely friendship.

2000lightyearsaway123 · 13/04/2020 11:27

Op I have came to the recent realisation (although not really because of lockdown) that I don't have a single friend. No one to go for drinks with or to see a movie or do anything with. And im only in my 20s.

At first I felt sad and a bit embarrassed. But I've realised that I have the most fantastic family who love me. That's enough. I'm tiered of being let down by people and hanging my self worth on friends. I'm happy as I am.

isittheholidaysyet · 13/04/2020 11:28

Yes.
I miss the people who I thought were my friends.

Luckily during this time I have made some new ones, and reconnected with my old friends-for-life who live at a distance.

If anyone is sitting at home thinking, I love this, I love not having to contact people, I love the 'introvert' life...
Be aware, some of your friends are thinking, "well, if they can't be arsed to reply to my messages, then we obviously aren't the friends I thought we were, I shall build friendships with those people who are in contact instead"
If you are happy with that, fine.

(Yes, this is me. I have some friends who I know are overworked and stressed and have told me, so I know why they aren't communicating.)

But the rest of them...

bringincrazyback · 13/04/2020 12:07

I know how you feel.

I have quite a few 'friends' on the surface of things, but as I get older I'm starting to see that they never do anything for me and are never there for me, I've always been the one that's had to make all the contact/effort which I've stopped doing lately, and surprise surprise, they haven't bothered picking up the slack so to speak. I got sick of people only bothering with me when it was convenient to them, so I'm in touch with people less now, which does leave me feeling lonely. Especially since the only two 'friends' I thought I could talk to about feelings and problems bailed on me when my dad was dying and have blanked me ever since I called them out on insensitive treatment of me when I tried to vent over how I was feeling. (He's since passed away and all I got from them was a cursory 'sorry to hear that' and then radio silence, so they clearly were never friends, but it's still deeply hurtful.)

I have asthma and am a bit fragile physically, probably wouldn't cope too well if I got the virus, but only one of my friends has asked me how I am during this whole Covid thing. ONE. I am glad to at least have that friend who values me, but at 52 it does make feel feel sad that so few people outside of family seem to care about me.

Hoggleludo · 13/04/2020 12:07

Me too

I had a hen party last year. I haven't seen any of them since July.......

I thought these people were friends. No one. Not one. Has phoned me since to see if I'm ok.

I put a WhatsApp about me being in hospital and could they let a teacher know that. As my child was doing something

Nothing. No one even replied. No one cares about me. No one cares if I'm alive or dead. I'm so sad. It seems these weren't friends. I don't have anyone.

bringincrazyback · 13/04/2020 12:22

Nothing. No one even replied. No one cares about me. No one cares if I'm alive or dead. I'm so sad. It seems these weren't friends. I don't have anyone.

Sorry to hear that. People can be staggeringly selfish sometimes. It sucks, doesn't it. Sad

bringincrazyback · 13/04/2020 12:23

I put a WhatsApp about me being in hospital

Meant to say, hope you are OK.

TippledPink · 13/04/2020 12:26

I already knew my social life was lacking but I notice it now more! Everyone saying how they miss people, I haven't seen anyone any less than I did before lockdown! I regularly go over a month without going out socially with anyone other than OH. I don't seem able to change that though.

TippledPink · 13/04/2020 12:26

OH's phone goes off constantly with friends messaging all day long, I don't get any messages!

milkysmum · 13/04/2020 12:31

I have my sister and one friend who I speak to most days. I have 'friends' from work but I now realise these are colleagues that I'm friendly with rather than actual friends.

Ginandtonic4all · 13/04/2020 12:36

I am in the need more local friends camp. But any tips on how to make them? I have moved to a new area, work an hour away and have a teen aged child.