Hit me with your excuses to get out of FaceTime/zoom calls

[AuntieSocia1]

I haven't put this in AIBU because I know I am. I should feel very fortunate to have friends and family who want to keep in touch and I do feel that way but I'm finding it hard to have no excuse to go on video calls since lockdown if that makes sense.

So as not to drip feed I suffer from a chronic illness which fatigue is a big part but I think that's hard to understand it being a barrier when I don't need to leave the house so I think saying I'm too tired for a call doesn't sound reasonable without sounding like I can't be bothered!

So- any good excuses? Are there other camera shy energy zapped mnetters out there?

Internet is down/patchy

Planning to have a relaxing bath
Not feeling great so going for an early night

“No thank you, I’m not up to it/I don’t want to/I’m already exhausted.”

I've used the 'Wi-Fi' has dropped off excuse several times. To be fair ours is crap so I'm not always making an excuse but still.....

Can't you just be honest? If they matter they won't mind and if they mind, they don't matter.

They are just going to have to accept the exhaustion that comes with your chronic fatigue. You have few enough spoons as it is without having to come up with lies and then stick to them.

Everyone know zoom chats are a bit of a hassle so won’t hold it against you if you don’t fancy it.

I'd been on a call for an hour and a half and not much was being said the other night, I think everyone was waiting for someone to go first so the call could end, I have to say I used baby as an excuse to leave, I said he'd woken up, sods law he was up at 1am and 3am though 🤦‍♀️ everyone else said their goodbyes too at that point.

But usually I just say something is happening to get out of group calls, I deleted house party because people I don't even talk to kept inviting me into chats because they'd added me as friends of friends or through Facebook.

I came off a zoom call with friends last night and DP said to me “when are you going for your bath?” I was confused and asked him what bath? “The one you just told your friends you needed to go and have” he said

I love this - I am feeling pressured by catch ups too. Last week I had one with friends I haven't seen for about 5 years after one of them suggested it. It's weird how when I have one lined up for the evening the idea makes me feel stressed. I am making an effort now to not commit and be gentle on myself.

Dog needs to go out / kids need bum stomping / bath 😂

This is a bit tricky because when you’re unwell you are more likely to feel isolated / depressed and so the social interaction of a facetime call might actually be good for you. If they are close enough to facetime you can’t you just tell them the truth and ask to reduce the frequency to a couple of times a week?

A list of no bullshit excuses:
I need to shower/nap/have lunch (whatever works for you)
I need to do some exercise/make a cake/cup of tea
I have to finish reading my book or magazine now. Talk to you later perhaps.
Bye. I have to do some online shopping
My phone is going to run out of battery very soon
I am going to do some art. Care to join me?
I have a big pile of ironing and laundry to do
Sorry I have more important things to do

Thanks all, I totally get the honest approach, I'm just trying to think of ways to spare feelings.

The truth is I'm quite content at home with DH and dc's but feel selfish when I don't keep up with the rest of the family and good friends. I just wish I had more energy. Sometimes the thought of calls, I am due on one in 10 mins, is really tiring but once I'm on I'm ok. It's never about the people I'm talking to just my energy levels. It's just in normal life I don't feel guilty about limiting going out etc but feel bad if I'm too tired to essentially just sit in my own house and chat

@elizabell that's how I feel too. The will is there but the energy is not and I end up feeling stressed!

Are you happy to chat on the phone or is it all calls you want to avoid? If it’s just the video calls then you can definitely use patchy WiFi as an excuse.

This is so funny, I thought it was just me. It's so difficult when they try to change the time to accommodate you. It's actually impossible to escape when they know you are at home. I am feeling overwhelmed with FaceTime /zoom but don't feel I can be so blunt as to say I don't want to join in and I hate to see my face on screen. I avoid mirrors for this very reason, it just brings it home how old and ugly I have become. I know that's really vain and at the moment I should just be grateful to be alive but its how I feel.

I don’t do any FaceTime or video calls. Can’t bear looking at myself on them. Perfectly happy with voice calls. And Im someone who loves talking to people and getting together with friends!

I just bluntly say I don’t do them.

I/small DC has the shits, will catch up with you when we’re better.
Internet is shit today
We are homeschooling right now so turning phones off
We’re watching a film
My phone screen is dodgy
I’m just making dinner
Oh sorry I don’t get signal in the garden
Child is napping can’t wake them
I have a sore throat, don’t want to aggravate it
I’m waiting on a phone call from a plumber/gas engineer/another relative

"I don't do Face Time"

I've told everyone that and it seems to have worked. And yes people still normal call and message me.

I do let the kids video call grandparents / their cousins / the occasional friend from my phone though.

I have had a couple of zoom dinners with DH and other couple who are our best friends. Those zoom calls are lovely. I've opted out of all other ones. I'm old school and prefer normal phone calls. I just tell people that. So far, no one has objected.

Definitely not just you @Sunnywaves

It is mostly the thought of video calls. Tonight it's couple friends of ours so not just me and that takes the pressure off a bit. In fact DH has already started and I'm just off getting some drinks hiding in the kitchen

I think it's acceptable to say you don't like doing video calls. It's not everyone's cup of tea and I think once you have said that it's fairly final, you don't need to think of any further excuses. I have a friend that doesn't like them, and another friend who won't go on large WhatsApp groups. If anyone is miffed about it, they'll get over it.

I just say I'd rather text or voice chat.

Super-sociable DH is forever FaceTiming people. I pop up dutifully for the obligatory hello-how-are-you? then retreat.

I look like the girl from The Ring in a front-facing camera. It just isn't pretty.