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Any positive stories of non talking toddlers?

45 replies

Trapordo · 12/04/2020 11:00

DS is 2.5 and completely non verbal. He spoke one word (dog) by 10 months and then stopped saying it just before 1.5. Never spoke again.

I'm getting increasingly frustrated inside. I've been so stressed and in bits. We are seeing speech and language, he is now promoting adults to open stuff for him but no luck with the picture exchange yet.

No sessions anytime soon and no end to this in sight so no idea when the next one will be. We are also awaiting the assessing for ASD by the multiple discipliary team, which we still didn't have an appointment before all this started, and now the wait will be even longer. I feel so angry.

I am started to get really down about it all. I'm usually very positive and practical but being locked inside is making me go crazy. I shouted at DS in the face before he went for a nap and feel like the shittest mum alive.

It is okay for now as he's a toddler still so things can be passed off as him being a baby still, but I worry so so much about him as an adult. What on earth will the future hold?

In the last few days I've also had new thoughts about me... How about me? Is that it then, will I never have a normal son? Is it all over? I feel horrific for saying it. I'm in my early twenties and feel like my life is gone. No normality if this is him forever. I've always been happy to make any sacrifices necessary in general but the thought of a disabled child and then adult son makes me so miserable lately. Again, I was fine before now.

I am failing him.

I just want my beautiful boy to be normal.

Has anyone had a toddler that was completely non verbal then spoke? What are they like now, are they just normal kids?

Thank you Flowers

OP posts:
Elisheva · 12/04/2020 11:37

As well as a proper hearing test you should have his sight tested - poor vision can massively impact language development. With speech delay sensory impairments should always be the first thing checked, I’m surprised the SLT hasn’t suggested it.
If the delay is for a different reason then the likelihood is still that he will speak given time.
Are you using Makaton at all?

BaskinRobbins · 12/04/2020 11:40

I was very similar to the boy described by GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER when I was little. No talking for ages, then full sentences. (I also ended up going to Cambridge!).

My DS also had only a few words at 2.5, and refused to play with other children. He progressed rapidly when he was 3, and was within the normal range for talking when he was 3.5.

He is 14 now and has ASD. (I suspect this may be a family thing... ) He is a bit odd but quite happy. Does well academically, has friends at school, goes to Scouts and loves camping. He is affectionate and kind. Your description of your DS reminds me of my DS at that age.

Trapordo · 12/04/2020 11:41

Eli Maka doesn't work with him. Not because I haven't tried. It's just he won't engage, at all. Not unless it's on his terms and even then he doesn't really seek me out unless he wants to kiss me or get me opening something.

If you try to do it whilst he's sat down etc he will either move away or avoid your eye contact at all costs. I sometimes feel like a ghost that isn't really there

OP posts:

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Bobbybobbins · 12/04/2020 11:44

Just to offer my perspective - both my DS are autistic.

One talked until he was 2 then lost all his words. He started talking again at 4.5 and now at 6 you can almost have a conversation with him.

The other had a few words til he was about 15 months then stopped talking. Age 4 he had just started calling me 'nana' (for some reason).

Whatever happens, we found the hardest time with both was the period you are in now - the 'not knowing'. So it sounds like you are doing everything right and things will get easier either way. Daffodil

Floralnomad · 12/04/2020 11:45

Our son was never any good with other children but great with adults , I’m not sure he saw himself as a child iyswim .

midnightstar66 · 12/04/2020 11:48

Remember you don't have to do makaton at him or have him engaged and looking. Just generally use basic gestures along side speaking as it will get picked up even if you don't realise. Narrate everything but don't ask him to repeat words.

Trapordo · 12/04/2020 11:50

Bobby thank you for that. It is so hard not knowing.

Another thing about him is he doesn't seem to recongise stuff. For examplr he loves peppa pig and won't watch anything else. But is not interested in peppa merchandise, from socks to toys. He looks at you like wtf you giving me this for Confused

Whereas my nephew is the same age, loves peppa and will shout the supermarlet down to have anything peppa or paw patrol. And demand.

DS has never tantrumed yet. Never had a cross word with him unless he is genuinely upset at things even adults would be upset at having taking off of them, like changing his comfort preference

OP posts:
Lucindainthesky · 12/04/2020 11:50

DD didn't start talking until after 2.5, we had speech and language therapy for her.

By the time she was 3.5 she had completely caught up with her peers. When she started school her teacher actually commented upon how articulate she was and was surprised when I said she'd had SALT!

She's 9 now, we beg her to stop talking sometimes Grin

Onceuponatimethen · 12/04/2020 11:51

Op my dc was like this at 2 - we finally got a hearing test and it turned out dc couldn’t hear almost any human speech at all. Got grommets and suddenly loads of new words

If you can afford it private SALT really helped. Nhs SALT is hugely underfunded and Often unavailable even for those who really need it

A really good book is Hanen speech therapy book More Than Words. Available from Winslow site and will help you help your dc at home. This really helped my dc as we learned more evidence based ways of helping him acquire speech

nettytree · 12/04/2020 11:58

My son was non verbal. He had the usual speech therapy. Then he was placed in a school from nursery which had a speech unit attached to it. He saw the therapist weekly and had daily sessions with a ta. This lasted till the end of year 2, when he was discharged. The was in mainstream classes just taken out for 30 mins a day.

BikeRunSki · 12/04/2020 11:59

DS said virtually nothing at his 2 year check with the HV. 4 or 5 words at most. He was on the waiting list for SALT. The, at 2 and a half he told his nursery nurse at length about how I was havBig another baby close to his birthday and how I wasn’t very well. He was right, but we hadn’t told him specifically yet! He was soaking everything up. The nursery staff were amazed and managed to kept him talking all day after that. He got quite chatty from then one. He’s 11 now and has talked quite normally with no SALT intervention , since he was about 3.

2beautifulbabs · 12/04/2020 12:05

Hi Op I am in the same boat with my DS soon to be 3 tomorrow.
We had started to see improvements when he started pre school nursery last September, we also were having supported assistance during his time in nursery to help him.
We had someone come to the house once a week to help him with his play and ability to interact more with us.
We were also due to start speech and language but that's now been delayed along with everything else we are still waiting on a paediatrician to do an assessment but we've been waiting for almost a year now for that I'm just so lost myself and upset as my son is due to start nursery in sept and this virus has destroyed any good progress or attempts to help him further along

He is saying more words each day but not awfully clear at times we are also trying to/attempting to potty training which is hard for a non verbal toddler.

We are also trying to set time aside to talk with him play with him and his little sister and just trying to encourage words and new words

AngelaScandal · 12/04/2020 12:08

+1 to the Hanen book recommendations (More than Words)

DevilsAdvocaat · 12/04/2020 12:16

Hi OP,

It sounds like you may get a diagnosis of ASD at some point and maybe that will help you to feel better about it all. I think not knowing is incredibly difficult.

It might be a good idea to start reading about Autism and learn about the kind of things which might appeal to your child.

I feel like if you could find something which you could do with him which he enjoyed it might help.

Look up Attention Autism on YouTube.
Stage 1&2.

Maybe you could start to do some activities like this with him.

If he is too little, maybe order some sensory toys for him from Amazon. Create a basket of interesting, sensory stimulating objects to explore. Look up sensory baskets or treasure baskets.

Even if he is not Autistic, these kind of activities are good for children anyway.

On another note, my friend has a little girl who didn't speak at all until much older. She is very independent and articulate and you wouldn't know it now.

Also my DS was as very antisocial as a child and found making friends difficult up to end of primary. Now in secondary, he has a huge group of friends and well developed social skills.

Focus on the 'now' rather than projecting forward. None of us know whether children will or won't meet milestones or the implications of them not meeting them on time.

Your child is different but everyone is different. Don't feel guilty about feeling sad about your child not communicating with you verbally. It's hard.

DevilsAdvocaat · 12/04/2020 12:21

Obviously I'm not trying to diagnose him over the internet with ASD but sometimes adopting strategies can help even without a diagnosis if that makes sense.

mous · 12/04/2020 12:30

Hi it is completely normal for toddlers of this age to be stressed by, not want to play with, or uninterested by other children - contrary to popular images, children this age don't really have 'friends'. They tend to play alongside other children, not with them - if at all, and that's only because their parents are shoving together in the park. The most common scenario is a 2.5 year old getting a bit stressed by being made to 'play with' another child and will try to hoard their toys (or the other kid's) and cling to or look to familiar adults when they play. They don't have the development in place to seek other children for games or engage with them in any sustained way. Toddlers don't have friends. If They all operate in their own little worlds, sometimes bumping in each others orbit, but not relating to one another in any meaningful way. They relate to mum and other familiar adults, not other kids.

People who say their toddler is very social or has lots of friends at nursery is, with all best will, probably interpreting I have managed to get my toddler to not scream when I leave them with other kids, or he has not poked anyone in the eye for their Paw Patrol car for three days on trot' as 'Eliot is such good friends with Olivia! They love seeing each other do much, isn't it cute!'

If your son isn't at nursery, this behaviour is probably more glaringly apparent to you than it might be for someone who might not be seeing how their child interacts with other children hours at a time. If you work in a nursery, an honest worker will tell you most 2.5 year olds can't stand or ignore other children and tend to focus on an adult (nursery worker) for a a playmate and attention. Older children (3.5 - 4.5) will be relating to other children, bit not a 2.5 year old. Their emotional worlds are quite linear and focused on 'me-other' at this point, which is themselves in relation to another adult figure. It hasn't developed to include other children.

Making and having friends, imaginative play with their own toys, playing with not next to others - these are developments that come a bit later.

A lack of interest in other children at this age or not wanting to play with them is actually quite normal. They might have a passing curiousity in a baby or older children but usually their contemporaries are sources of stress and threats to toys they want and their mum's attention 😂

Boys are slower to develop than girls as well when it comes to language. Being non verbal at that age isn't unheard of for a boy who later goes on to be completely verbal, no problems etc, although it is a point to start making sure there isn't an underlying physiological or otherwise cause.

If there is no underlying cause or nothing apparent, songs, reading rhymes and short rhyming stories as much as you can (although will peck your head in) is good for triggering that sudden 'jump' to verbal in non verbal toddlers

I'd hesitating at offering any diagnosis or 'it sounds like...' online. But you do sound like a great mum who has a lovely little boy. Kids can also be incredibly frustrating and it's frightening to see your kid seemingly going at a slower pace than other children or not behaving in a way you would expect. Tbh if he is interacting with you well, forget about other kids for now, that is the main 'green flag' for a normally developing child. Obviously you need to know and understand what is going on, but you are taking all the right steps to do so. Good luck and maybe get some rhyming sing /song books in and sing / rhyme around house as much as possible - it really is a good trigger for verbal expression 👍 ('here is the washing machine, it makes clothes clean, lalala' )

PrimeraVez · 12/04/2020 12:37

Sorry I haven't read the full thread, but I would definitely recommend getting his hearing checked. Does he suffer with ear infections?

DS1 was veryyyy slow to talk, and his pronunciation was all over the place. It turns out he had really bad glue ear and so had significant hearing loss. When he was 2.5, he had grommets put in and the difference within just a few weeks was incredible. Definitely something worth talking to your GP about.

DeathByBoredom · 12/04/2020 12:44

My eldest was v slow to talk. He's an a* type student now, probably a bit spectrummy but not diagnosed as such. He says he is aspie (runs in our family) but it's no big deal in how it affects him. He wasn't talking at all at 2 1/2 but was ok by 3 1/2.
Definitely get hearing checked though. My middle child was very lacking in attention, turned out to be glue ear.

bloodysqueakyeggs · 12/04/2020 12:55

My DD didn't talk apart from three words until she was 2y 4m. Then the words came, and by 2y 6m the paragraphs came. It was literally like a tap being turned on. She's 4 now and it's like talking to a small adult. Her vocabulary is absolutely vast.

She was diagnosed with ASD at 3 and a half though. Not that that's a bad thing - we know what we're dealing with and so can put help and support in place for her at school before she even starts.

Try not to be hard on yourself. It's hard when things aren't going as you'd expect, and you have to learn to reset your expectations and not compare them to other children who don't have difficulties who're the same age. No matter what their diagnosis or abilities they're still your lovely child. They just might need a bit (or a lot) more help along the way.

boymum92 · 27/02/2024 10:28

Hello, I know this post was a few years ago, but I feel somewhat the same way as you did back in 2020.
how are things now with your son. And I hope you are okay. X

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