Online dating in your forties. Share your experiences with me!

[JustinMyJustin]

Background: H minus the D left in December. I’m 41 and have toddler twins.

It’s looking increasingly likely that he isn’t coming back. I have no desire to date yet, but it seems that if and when I do it’s likely to be online. Nobody seems to meet anyone in RL anymore as far as I can see? (Happy to be told otherwise though)

Do I stand a chance or is it likely to be a colossal waste of time? I’m past my first flush of youth with two tiny children. Probably not most men’s idea of a catch! Would love to hear other people’s experiences. To be fair I do have a divorced friend who met a great man through OLD but she’s a much sunnier happy go lucky type than cynical old me.

I’ll assume nobody has ever been successful then

Lots of men 40+ on OLD though a large proportion probably want women in their 20's and 30's. The world of OLD is an amusing, eye opening but often depressing place OP. Just go in with low expectations and a sense of humour. There are some success stories. I'm not one of them 😆

Yes that is what I was thinking regarding most men wanting younger women. Quite a depressing thought.

Ironically in RL I always seem to attract younger men, but really want someone my own age now.

You’re age isn’t really the issue but the fact that you have toddler twins as that can be really overwhelming for prospective partners especially online when it’s easy to skip by people for whatever reason. The vast majority of men and woman date around their ages. Those who date significantly younger/older are truly outliers so don’t worry about that.

@Fantasiaa Yes I can imagine having two very small DC will be massively off putting for the majority of men.

God it’s depressing. Perhaps the best I could hope for is a fling/casual arrangement. Not sure if I can be arsed getting into a proper relationship again anyway tbh.

I'm 40 and been OLD on and off for 6 years so from 34 . The majority of messages come from balding 50+ year olds (I still have the same pictures up so still look 34 to them)

@midnightstar66 Have you met any none balding fifty year olds in that time?

Or indeed any men who aren’t fifty

Yes i have - mostly awkward, either overly shit or massive egos most with obvious reasons they are single lol. I'm sure there are lovely men on there too, I've just not been lucky enough to meet any.

To be honest I think the fact you have children can actually be a tick box for many. Many men (particularly if they have a family from a pre partner) are not looking for more children or the pressure to have more. My fitness who dates in their late 30s found it stressful as they had to declare that they wanted children within 5 mins of meeting. You won’t have that pressure

Enjoy it and see where is takes you

I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than do online dating again. I know of people happily married who met their spouse on OLD though so you never know.

What jumped out at me from your post was " it doesn't seem likely he's coming back, so..."

Without wanting to sound preachy - I don't think OLD is for you just yet. It can be an awful , unforgiving, misogynistic place that takes tenacity and a really thick skin to weather. I understand that you probably feel hurt, upset, desperate, angry, lacking in confidence etc but it's only been a few months. You don't necessarily get back on the dating horse just yet.

But yeh agree that kids aren't a huge hurdle especially for those that also already have them

@LadyOfTheCanyon Oh I have no intention of dating anyone for quite some time yet. I can’t think of anything worse right now.

I’m just very aware that I’m not going to want to live the rest of my life as a nun and as a single parent the chances of me meeting men in the RL are slimmer than Kate Moss in the 1990s!

Interesting what some replies say about kids though.
I wouldn’t see a man having children as any sort of issue. Appreciate it might not always work the same the other way round though.

I was SUPER picky with OLD. I actually used an app, not website.
I made it obvious what I wanted, and ran as soon as there were any red flags.
I met my husband within a few weeks!

Which app was that @Bookaholic73?

Well done btw

In the past I played around with both declaring I had a son, and not mentioning children either way (on profile page)
When I stated I had a child, I received at least 50% less messages maybe more - however the ones that did message seemed to be a better quality of man!