DH and I have been back and forth on a third child for the last couple of years (we have 3.5YO twins who are both autistic, one has other disabilities but none of these appear to be genetic - he’s had his whole genome sequenced and nothing has shown up so far when compared to panels for his disabilities).
What’s been putting us off is mainly the risk of having another set of twins, and whether another child will have the same difficulties as the twins. I have endometriosis and adenomyosis and am now 37, so whether I can have another baby is a serious question mark anyway (although the twins were conceived very easily). My Gynae wants to do a hysterectomy so we are really in last chance territory here. We reluctantly decided not to have another baby about six months ago.
This month I actually thought I was pregnant after an accident. Initially I was terrified but over the past week we’ve talked a lot and now I think we both want another. I felt really sad when my period arrived today which surprised me.
My biggest concern right now is birth. I had awful tokophobia through my first pregnancy (due to traumatic gynae procedures and a history of sexual abuse). I eventually got them to agree to a planned section but I ended up having an earlier emcs as one of the twins had stopped moving and was very unwell. The emcs was really traumatic plus two months in nicu didn’t help. But it was the spinal that was the real issue - I was already scared of needles but it was genuinely horrendous (took seven attempts to get it in, the needles kept bending - I am the most polite quiet person you could ever meet but DH said I sounded like a cornered animal from the next room and I was involuntary screaming “fuck off!” every time they tried followed by “I’m so sorry” and being mortified). The whole thing was not fun, basically.
I literally don’t know how I would physically have another baby. I can’t imagine managing a vaginal birth without an epidural (and even then, the thought of medical staff in that region makes me feel sick) but there’s no way I could have an epidural. CS means a spinal, again I don’t know how I’d actually do it after last time.
Weirdly the only thing I can imagine doing is having a water birth but as I’ve had a CS I think that’s a no go. Couldn’t have a home birth as I’d be too scared of something going wrong,
I don’t want this fear of one day of my life to stop me having another baby but I don’t know what to do.
Has anyone been in a situation like this? How did you get through it? Any chance they’d sedate me somehow before a spinal, or even gas and air or anything to stop me panicking?
I remember how dismissive consultants were about my tokophobia last time and so I wouldn’t expect them to care much this time.
DH is very much of a “cross that bridge when we come to it” mentality which is easier said than done. Right now logically I think I’d have to just manage a vaginal birth but I know how my thinking spiralled out of control during my first pregnancy.
I don’t know if something like hypnobirthing would be enough to counteract a phobia this severe or overcome my experience last time.
Sorry this is so long - would appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through this.
I actually work for my local maternity service so I could potentially speak to the head of Midwives more easily than most women could, but obviously right now they have a lot to handle so I am not going to reach out until things calm down.