Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

My husband threw a plate, can we move past this?

42 replies

changedmynameforthis1424 · 10/04/2020 12:31

As my username suggests I changed my name for this. This happened two weeks ago but I can’t seem to get past it. One night after dinner whilst clearing up I had a minor disagreement with my husband. This then escalated and he smashed a plate on the floor. A shard of porcelain cut my bare leg quite badly. Obviously he didn’t mean to hurt me (he didn’t throw the plate at me) and he is mortified, but I find it really hard to forgive, even though the marriage is otherwise good (two small children).

He’s been feeling really stressed (made redundant because of corona) and it is out of character. But for some reason I still find it hard to forgive. Could you forgive this?

OP posts:

pawpatrolmightypup · 10/04/2020 14:11

While he didn't mean to hurt you he did throw / smash a plate in anger/frustration during a disagreement. Surely that's not right? I'd be horrified if my partner reacted in that way during a disagreement - in fact I'd be horrified if my toddlers did and they have hair trigger tempers! It does sound like he's stressed but it's surely never ok to react that way?
I think your initial response to this is justified OP, not sure I could get past it either.

goldpartyhat · 10/04/2020 14:26

I'd let this go, as it was so out of character and he was apologetic, but tell him if it ever happens again the marriage is over.

Violence is a genie best kept in the bottle, because once it's out it just seems to want to stay out!

MyDcAreMarvel · 10/04/2020 14:33

You are massively overreacting of course you should forgive him.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems

Original poster

changedmynameforthis1424 · 10/04/2020 14:59

Thanks so much all! You all telling me to get a grip made me seee this in perspective and now I feel so much better. Thank you

OP posts:

MyDcAreMarvel · 10/04/2020 15:01

Glad you feeling better op, it’s a stressful time for everyone .

FaFoutis · 10/04/2020 15:02

Good!

sallycinnamon14 · 10/04/2020 15:03

Depends if he has regular outbursts like that. One one hand even the best of us can lose our rag and do things like this occasionally. I've been known to launch a mug in temper, I don't think it makes me a bad person.

I had an ex though who started off with stuff like this then escalated into regular violent outbursts, smashing up household items and eventually becoming violent.

Only you know what type of person your dp is x

Ughmaybenot · 10/04/2020 15:07

It’s a really tough time for everyone right now and it sounds particularly so for your DH, and for you. He didn’t mean to hurt you, and it wasn’t aimed at you, and it’s completely out of character. I would let this one go, as he seems suitably apologetic.
I think this stress is getting to us all really. I dented our worktop by smashing a tin opener that wasn’t working down on it the other day, and I’m otherwise the most chilled person you could meet. I was thoroughly disappointed in myself and DH saw it for what it was, a moment of madness in a crazy situation.

LuluBellaBlue · 10/04/2020 15:11

Do you discuss ways to release anger and tension?
In my opinion this is one of our (society’s) biggest faults!
We are shown how to laugh, cry, be scared yet we are now allowed to express anger or rage.
I’d work on, between you, ways of releasing your anger and rage - safely and not projected at one another

Ostanovka · 10/04/2020 15:13

I'm surprised at the responses. To me, it was an act intended to intimidate and frighten you. If that was his reaction to a minor disagreement, what would he do over something serious?

sonjadog · 10/04/2020 15:23

I´m glad that you have got perspective on this now. I would see it as a sign of the enormous stress he is under at the moment.

sallycinnamon14 · 10/04/2020 15:24

@Ostanovka unless he has a history of intimating behaviour I doubt that this was an act intended to do that. Sounds to me more like a momentary loss of control which admittedly still isn't great but it's not the same as deliberately trying to scare or intimidate someone.

Oly4 · 10/04/2020 22:33

I once threw something during a row. It’s never happened again. Of course it’s forgivable. If it’s a weekly occurrence then of course not

Lynda07 · 10/04/2020 22:36

Oh yes it is forgivable, changedmyname. It's not as if he meant to hurt you and, as you say, he is mortified.

These are trying times for us all, maybe he'll take a few deep breaths from now on when he is wound up.

I hope your leg is OK.

limpbizkit · 10/04/2020 22:42

Let it go. He's human.

Drogonssmile · 10/04/2020 22:59

I agree with the majority. If he's under a lot of stress which it sounds like he is, is out of character, wasn't aimed at you and he is remorseful then, after a clear talk with him I'd forgive. Difficult though I can imagine.

PlanDeRaccordement · 10/04/2020 23:00

I would hope it’s forgivable. I’ve smashed a few plates and cups due to an argument. Probably at a rate of one every five years so not regularly or often. Dashed them to the floor (never thrown at anyone and no ones ever been hurt). It was during periods of high stress. The kind of stress that builds up and stays high for weeks at a time.

Since it’s high stress, and out of character I think forgive.

Flip

1 2