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Original poster

How to be more “present” in real life And get off my phone

39 replies

plugitinsilly · 09/04/2020 20:45

I’m always distracted, loads of stuff whirring round on my mental to do list, kidding myself I need to “look it up” on my phone to get it don but then procrastinate and get lost down an iPhone rabbit hole... Poor attention span which I’m sure isn’t helped by flitting from thing to thing on the internet.

Too much time on my phone and not enough engaging with my wonderful family. It’s getting me down. Sounds easy to snap out of, so why am I struggling to do it?

OP posts:
wheetos · 09/04/2020 20:47

I could have written this OP! I am looking forward to the replies.

I have started leaving my phone in my bedroom just in the afternoon and only looking again at night. That really seems to help.

Bluewavescrashing · 09/04/2020 20:50

I have this issue. I plug it in and leave it upstairs while playing with the DCs if I can. Sometimes I'll look at it with them around but it's hard not to. If we're watching TV I steer them towards something I actually like watching and then watch it properly without my phone in my hand. Or do something busy with hands eg colouring.

Something I need to do more is to read books in view of them to set an example.

Original poster
plugitinsilly · 09/04/2020 20:51

I work full time, currently from home, and need my phone for work. It’s outside of work hours where I have zero discipline.

I need to put mine somewhere else, sometimes I can look at it for an hour in the mornings laying in bed before getting up... DH and DC get up and dressed and I’m laying there on my bloody phone. Now that I’ve written that down I feel really ashamed.

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DanceMonkey19 · 09/04/2020 20:53

I'm the same. I waste so much time on my phone. It means I'm constantly distracted. I think I'm going to start leaving it somewhere rather than having it in my hand the whole time and set a limit eg 10 minutes and then stop

BrooHaHa · 09/04/2020 20:53

I plan my day in a notebook and stick to it. I intentionally leave my phone upstairs when I'm downstairs and vice versa. Don't allow the phone in your bedroom.

Bluebooby · 09/04/2020 20:55

Smart phones are very addictive. I think it's just the nature of the beast. I saw a hypnotherapist to try and help me give up smoking (I failed), and he told me the majority of his clients these days come to him over their smart phone addiction.

I think it takes willpower. I have the willpower to put my phone down and focus on another task when I need to. Sadly I don't have the willpower to stop smoking at the moment but anyway. I try and do things with my dd and make sure I'm fully immersed in what I'm doing and enjoying the time I have with her, and then I go off for some alone time and that's when I go on my phone. Or a break between tasks.

ladygracie · 09/04/2020 20:57

I have an app called forest. You set it for a certain amount of time (up to 2 hours) and if you look at your phone in that time you kill a tree in your virtual forest! I don’t think I’m their target audience but it works for me!! You have to put the phone on silent or you can still hear all the notifications.
Leaving the phone in another room is also a good idea (& much more grown up than my suggestion!)

rosieposies · 09/04/2020 20:58

I am trying so hard to make a conscious effort to put my phone down and give my kids some 'face time'. I'm trying to plan some games that mean I have to interact, and also trying to schedule my day so that I know what to do next if that makes sense. I often find myself feeling a bit directionless if I'm not on my phone!

Bluebooby · 09/04/2020 21:01

You have to be strict. And after a while it becomes more natural and easier. Or that's how it was for me. I had a bad spell of health, discovered I have a genetic disorder which affects my mobility, which resulted in me dwelling in self pity for a while. During that time I spent far too long glued to my phone. Learning to put it down has made my life so much better.

Original poster
plugitinsilly · 09/04/2020 21:10

Ok so I’ve just deleted a load of apps and turned off notifications as I can’t not check the red alert thing that pops up. It’s always on silent anyway...

I’ll start by leaving it in the kitchen overnight I think. Realistically tomorrow there is no need for me to use it other than to say happy Easter to a relative. No emails, no work, the weather will be nice, my bank account is healthy, the cv19 news is it what it is, Celeb goss is not important, MN is not important, I never buy the clothes I browse, no holidays to research, I just need to click “buy” on my amazon order instead of browsing more and more...

Why can’t I give my kids my full focus when I’m not working? They are lovely and growing so fast. Why do I gravitate to my phone and not them?

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Original poster
plugitinsilly · 09/04/2020 21:14

@Bluebooby sorry to hear of your condition.... I think I’ve retreated a lot socially since a bereavement. I had a lot of support on MN at that time and I guess the conditioning to check my phone for replies, googling my relative’s illness, googling about death, googling about grief etc etc etc led me into depending on my phone too much.

Need to snap out of it....

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Original poster
plugitinsilly · 09/04/2020 21:15

Now the phone is going on the kitchen while I get in bed to read a book.

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chicken2015 · 09/04/2020 21:21

Good luck, i feel this is something i really need to do but just dont have the will power and want enough for it to be successful

Bluebooby · 09/04/2020 21:35

Thanks plug and I'm sorry to hear about your bereavement. It's similar to me, retreated socially, spent a lot of time googling about my condition and seeking support online and stuff. I think it's fine to do those things but important to realise when you're doing too much of it, and then make sure you take some action to step back into the physical world. I obviously do still come online. I go on Mumsnet nearly every day which is where I spend most of my online time, but I just am a lot more "aware" when I do it, rather than walking around with my head in my phone and time slipping away unnoticed. I think "fine in moderation" is true for pretty much everything in life!

Rayn · 09/04/2020 23:04

Read atomic habits by James Clear. That has helped me not only in phone addiction but other areas.

Haggisfish · 09/04/2020 23:06

I have bought a lockable box with a timer on it to unlock it. Only other way is to smash the box with phone in it!! Am going to try using it this weekend.

Haggisfish · 09/04/2020 23:14

Thanks for that boo recommendation.

Knocksomesense · 09/04/2020 23:17

I am going to revisit this thread. My phone is a major problem in my life

Sarcelle · 09/04/2020 23:22

My phone and iPad is a problem for me too. When I spend too long on them I feel bad. Time is a precious commodity but I choose to look down and focus on a screen, adding to bad concentration, posture, pain in the neck (tech neck) and adding another chin from looking down too much. It's all a bit sad really. I used to love reading but skimming content has fucked my concentration. I see people walking in the street, 90 percent of them are glued to their phones. I think, fucking zombies. Then realise I am the same. Sad really.

puppymouse · 09/04/2020 23:40

Your post resonates with me so much. My attention span is non-existent these days and I literally spend hours on my phone each day.

With all the news, on here and FB when the CV stuff was kicking off I was feeling a bit angry and crazy. I was absorbing subconsciously all the panic, rage and overwhelming amounts of "advice" that suddenly started to appear and I was just completely done.

I was doing a maths colour in Elmo thing with DD one day and asked her if I could colour in some of the squares if she did the sum and quite liked it so I asked her if I could borrow one of her colouring books. A week on and I have my own pattern books and just quietly filling these books with colours and I'm only responding to messages or checking in with friends and family. No more mindless scrolling. I have also ordered some new reading books in the hope I can do that too.

I think if it makes you unhappy you have to break the habit somehow Sad

puppymouse · 09/04/2020 23:40

I should say DD colours with me so it's a good shared activity.

Sounsociable · 09/04/2020 23:58

I spend way too much time on my phone and I'm hypocritical because I'm forever telling DC to stop using screens all day and DD has noticed since lockdown I've been on my phone loads. I deleted my MN account about 6 weeks ago ....but then restarted it and get involved in threads. I did some colouring (its supposedly for adults and very intricate patterns) the other day and that kept me occupied for over 2 hours. I need to do more and be more productive.

CreepyPasta · 10/04/2020 07:50

I’m the same OP. Watching this thread with interest. I’m embarrassed by how much my usage has gotten worse since lockdown (and it was bad before). Some good suggestions on this thread that I’ll be trying out.

Original poster
plugitinsilly · 10/04/2020 08:29

Omg. Tech neck and a double chin Shock

I’ve been thinking it’s my age and weight as to why I’ve recently acquired a double chin, didn’t think it could be from looking down at my phone Blush

Well it was nice to read before bed, felt a bit strange not reaching for phone first thing, but good too. I’m out of bed earlier than normal for a non-work day and off to do some exercise - obvs recovered on my phone Hmm

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Original poster
plugitinsilly · 10/04/2020 09:02

Got sucked in... recipes, fb, insta.... just lost half an hour! must go out for a run.

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