I’ve never worked from home before, so doing so is a huge adjustment, let alone being in lockdown. I know how important this is and some are simply not abiding by the rules or being sensible, meaning we could see lockdown for much longer, but, I am struggling, probably like so many other so many other people. My mental health had taken a dip last week and then to top it off, whilst working my ass off at home my boss phoned me shouting and being aggressive down the phone to me (this is normal for him). He is prone to asking for one thing, then when you provide just that, he never wanted that but something else and you are incompetent. He gives very little briefing and if I ask for a short meeting to scope things out he says no and what he is asking for is ‘so simple’. It really pushes me down further when I’m trying so hard to stay afloat. He called me twice that day, he was so loud on the phone my other half came downstairs to ask what was going on.
I was asked to find out implications to something, which I did and made a suggestion around them, and then when I gave him the implications he shouted down the phone saying I never liked the project in the first place and was doing everything in my power to throw obstacles in the way. I tried to explain that would never be the case but he shouted over me telling me I’m arguing with him, to stop repeating myself and making excuses. He says he’s printed out my emails to him and shown some of my colleagues who also agree with him that I am being difficult and don’t like the project. I have no idea how he could even have gotten that from my emails as I read them back and all did was as he asked. I came off the phone in tears. It’s still affecting me now and it’s been a week.
I’ve been working solidly at home, sometimes I forget to eat or drink. I don’t skive off or watch tv or paint or read. I’m duly at my home desk for the same amount of time as I would in the office, in fact I check my emails more now! My stomach is in knots everyday that I’m going to get another annihilation, that what I do isn’t good enough, or that he’s trying to catch me out. He’s always on my case chasing me for things or giving me projects that aren’t in my remit, like IT projects that should go through our IT team but yet he wants me to do them (I am in a completely different department).
We’ll work on group projects and he will take ownership of specific parts that involve the project to wait on him, weeks go by and he then chases me asking what the status is and why the project hasn’t been done, if I suggest I’m waiting on his part he’ll go mad and tell me just to keep the project moving and for me to take charge and get it done. He isn’t approachable by any means, and when trying in the past it’s only made things 10 times worse for me, so I keep my head down and work away. He doesn’t treat anyone else like this. I have heard him be very aggressive to a couple of other people on the phone but I seem to get the brunt of it all the time. I’ve tried to speak to HR about my concerns but it is a family run business and they just apologise that I have been treated that way and say their hands are tied. It is affecting my mental health, I’m constantly on edge waiting for the next time he’s unhappy, when my phone rings I dread seeing his name, I haven’t slept properly since the last phone call (last Wednesday), I don’t think my partner enjoys being around me much at the moment as I am always on a downer and just can’t shake myself out of this rut I’m in. I can’t look for another job yet as it’s too risky with everything going on in the world. My partner and mum say it is not forever and I’ll move on when the time is right but it’s easy for them to say, I’m stuck in this every day. Sorry for the rant, I just don’t know what to do right now.