Mummy wisdom- what do you with 2?

[majesticallyawkward]

I am sick of my life, any words of wisdom would be welcomed....
Baby is coming up 5 months and exclusively breastfed and super clingy, older dd is 4 and struggling with jealousy and I just can't give either what they want/need.

The baby will only sleep on the boob, not just on me I mean with a nipple in his mouth! Won't take a bottle or dummy and won't be put down, he'll happily just be involved in whatever we're doing for a short time but obviously I'm then limited because I'm holding a baby. He can't sit unaided yet so the best I can get is 5/10 minutes in a jumperoo or lying on a playmat before he screams to be picked up again.

Meanwhile the 4yo obviously wants my attention, wants to play and is jealous that she doesn't get my full attention like the other times we've been off school/nursery together. She's bored and naturally a bit of of sorts just now anyway, understandably a bit sick of the crying baby ruining whatever we're trying to do.

The house is a tip because I can only clean or tidy in 5 minute bursts and most of the times I can do something it's making lunch or tea.

He won't be put down at night and has stopped settling unless I take him to bed which is usually around 7/8 so I'm getting zero down time, then he's up every 1-2 hours all night, only settling with bf and then sleeping with the nipple in his mouth.

I've tried bottles, dummies, getting him used to not being held or even being put down for a nap.... nothing. Dh is working from home and busy during the day, he does stories with 4yo and puts her to bed but the baby won't settle for him at all. I feel like neither is getting the best from me and I'm exhausted.

Any tips or tricks? On getting the baby to take a bottle/dummy/be put down or even managing the mum guilt?

Sounds very difficult Op my LO is 11 months and very clingy but I cherish the naps/ evenings/ overnight sleep.

I would work on his sleep. Are you sure he doesn't have any milk allergies or silent reflux? I assume you haven't started weaning yet?

Would you consider some sleep training? Can you afford to pay for a consultant? Once you and baby are sleeping better it may help both of you feel better and give you some much needed downtime in this difficult period. Then you can prepare things for your older one to do, spend time with her when baby is napping etc.

And I refuse to take on any mum guilt at the moment. These are unprecedented times. Lower your expectations and aim for survival!

Not sure what advice to offer but I just wanted to sympathise. I am in a very similar situation with a 5 month old and an older child with special needs who would normally be at school and finding it impossible to give the older child any quality time as the baby is so clingy and then the older child gets upset. I know exactly what you mean about no downtime. I am hoping sleep at least improves at around 6 months when we are through the sleep regression. Sending hugs...

I didn't know they could have a sleep regression when the sleep hadn't changed since birth... but he's done it!

Not weaning yet @helpthismama although he's held a few things he's got off my plate and licked/sucked them haha I'm quite looking forward to weaning, I remembered dd was nice easier when she was having solids! Not seeing signs he's ready yet.

I've assumed he's had some wind as he's showing all the signs (bringing his knees up, jerking and calms a bit after a good burp or fart), I give him infacol to help with it. Even then it's a short lived relief.

The older one is really struggling and acting out, I'm trying to stay calm and reassuring for her but it's hard not to loose my shit when she's screaming, crying and hitting me while the little one is screaming and clawing at me.

He's a genuinely lovely baby as long as he's got my undivided attention, all smiles and giggles- everyone tells me what an easy baby he is.

We used to massage with 100

1 drop peppermint oil mixed with carrier oil and it really helped! Did it before bed and tried to do it at other nappy changes. Also I found dentinox drops better for wind. Worth trying?

God that sounds tough. You have my sympathies.
Things that saved my sanity with my clingy babies were a sling, and a swingy chair. Not sure what swingy chair was really called but got it from Mama's and Papas, battery operated, turn it on, swings for 15 minutes and plays music. Only way I got peace.
I also had a stretchy sling that my only-sleep-on-boob would sleep in while I managed a few games with toddler...
Other than that, TV for the toddler. Not ideal but sometimes necessary. And know it does get better.

Just remember that in a few short weeks your baby will be able to sit up and that will be a total game changer. 22 month gap here and as soon as my youngest started sitting up at around 6 months everything got so much easier. I think they start to show more of an interest in what’s around them rather than just you once that happens so suddenly you can sit and play with your eldest and the baby will just enjoy watching rather than wanting to be on you.

Must be bloody tough though, minimum standards to get through lockdown then hopefully everything will ease up for you.

No advice but lots of sympathy. I have a 3 yr old with autism and a one year old very busy baby who is into everything. It’s bloody hard. The baby also was a shit sleeper. Shit shit shit. I don’t know how I got through the first year. But I did. The baby’s sleep is so much better now. She was also exclusively breastfed.

All I can say is you can do this, don’t beat yourself up about it, use the telly, lower your expectations, get your partner to do all he can and then some. I promise promise promise it will get better.

Thanks @helpthismama I'll give dentinox a go.

And thank you everyone else.

I know it will pass, my first was a god awful baby... I dint know how any of us survived, nevermind had a second 😂 she didn't sleep until she was 3, but completely refused breast so was solely bottle fed from quite young.

We have slings and carriers, he'll settle in one if I catch him at the right time. God I can't wait until he can sit up and play with something.... or have a snack.

I had to come to bed at 7:30 tonight, he's finally asleep but on my arm and with a boob in his mouth 🤦‍♀️ i wonder if there's a dummy with a bigger back piece so it's more boob like? I've been considering the ones with the stuffed animal on them as maybe the extra weight would trick him or something

And the batteries have gone in the myhummy, we've run out, the local shops have none and my supermarket deliver isn't for 2 weeks 😭😭