If you are WFH with preschoolers how flexible are your work being?

[Missmybarbell]

DH and I are incredibly lucky to have employers who have said they will continue to pay us (In the short term) to wfh. We are both ft. We have 2 dc (5&2) it’s not fun but we are coping. Our plan was shifts 6am-8pm and a half day at the weekend.

I have always done a lot of wfh anyway, although it was always refused as a flexible working request and I did my 37 hours in the office too. I generally like my job and it pays well. My boss has been amazing and let’s me do as I wish as long as I am available to my students (further ed) and attend a weekly 2 hour departmental catch up. I am a grown up and feel more than capable of looking after my workload.

DH on the other hand seems to be at his managers beck and call. He is being contacted via teams every half hour and it’s always something urgent to them. He says it’s not really and they’re checking up. They didn’t want to let them WFH and only have done as his department was planning a mini revolution last week! DH assures me he is a good worker and always meets deadlines etc...

This constant “I need to do this now” dialogue means I never get a decent chunk of time to get stuff done. I’ve had to tell students I’ve been skypeing with that I need to get back to them later. They’re amenable but it feels like it’s always my work that come second. I earn considerably more than my husband too but that’s not something we generally talk about.

I don’t see why I should drop hours as I feel like I can do this until June, July, sept... DH doesn’t really see an issue but I am being very accommodating at the moment. I am starting to resent him and his boss TBF.

So how flexible are your employers being? Are they accounting for every second of your time? Do you think for those managers not wanting to embrace WFH this will become easier and the new normal?

Sorry no experience but I think you both need to get diaries out.
Block out regular meetings.
Block out a separate hour each for lunch. One starts earlier one finishes later.

And when it's your block of work, dh is the call for the kids and vice versa. He has to respect your work time too. But you'll have to say no to him when he comes to you.

6am-8pm means that one of you needs to work 6am-1pm and the other one needs to work 1-8pm. Tell your managers/teams that you are not available outside those times except by prior arrangement and for something that cannot be moved eg an important meeting.

He needs to set boundaries with his employer.

I don't suppose he's a trade union member? Not many people are sadly

Also, consider using some annual leave.
We had booked a week of annual leave at the end of April which we will cancel because they're no point if you can't go anywhere or do anything.
Instead we are just taking one day or half a day of annual leave each week, that takes the pressure off a bit.

I think he needs to speak with his bosses and say when he is unavailable. We are tag teaming at home by doing 1h15/1h30 slots each but being flexible around scheduled calls. Unscheduled calls are just picked up when we get back to work.

I have teams on my phone so can respond even when not ‘working’.

I'm NHS but my role can mainly be done from home. My trust have it in our WFH contract that we cannot work whilst caring for children. We've all be issued with keyworker letters and advised to use the keyworker child care available. If we won't, we can take unpaid leave. They won't authorise annual leave or furlough us.

Individual managers can use their discretion with regard to when we work, but my role is 9-5, with (now) phone assessments and strategy meetings.

So they aren't being flexible at all.

At the moment dh is working mornings 6-12. We are having lunch together with the dcs then I am working 1until 5 then we are both catching up with a couple of hours in the evening. I know this looks like he gets more work hours than me but I work part time. I normally do 3 days a week so I'm just spreading it out over the whole week. We are both being flexible if one of us has to have a meeting in the other's work time and I am also checking my email on my phone throughout the morning and he does the same in the afternoon.

My work told me to do whatever I could whenever I could and not to worry too much.

My work and DH’s are being pretty good. DSs are 7 and 4 and otherwise one of us would have ended up on unpaid leave. I’m officially ‘key’ (Head Office at an insurer) and DH is a teacher but pitting the DC in school felt off given my role. I book out my ‘slots’ when DH has meetings (he’s in charge of coordinating with the exam boards on grades so he’s been fairly busy) or has been remote teaching and he does the same for me. There was only one clash last week! I make it up in the evenings (as does DH). This week is easier as DH is officially on holiday so under much less pressure. Not looking forward to school being ‘back’.

We are doing shifts and just let our teams know, so dh has done 6am-10am every day then he logs off saying he'll be back early afternoon. I sent a message to our WhatsApp group at 2.30 saying I was taking the kids out and I'd be back later.

If one of us is on a call then they are not to be disturbed, I'm faintly horrified you're having to stop your stuff all the time. Your DH needs to say to his manager sorry, I'm not online right now but I'll be back at 4pm.

My work have said 'get your work done in the way that works for you and your family right now' and I've never been so glad to work for them as I do now.

I've been starting an hour earlier than usual to get some work done before my children get up for the day (I don't work a normal 9-5) then taking a longer lunch to get some time in with the kids, and that seems to be working thus far

Though I should add that my children are not preschoolers, so actually my answer is not in the slightest helpful - apologies!

I'm on maternity leave, so in theory DH working from home should be alright, but we have three children under five and it's virtually impossible to stop him being disturbed. We live in a small house so no study or anything and I'm having to try and keep the older two from playing too noisily etc, which is murder.

Luckily his boss is being really understanding and doesn't seem to he expecting him to work to the usual level. It's really stressful for all of us to be honest.

Work have been v flexible, my new hours (usually 4 days a week) are now a split shift, regular hours in the am and pm, mon-fri. They've just let me get on with it.

I went to them with the request when we had to go into isolation but were well enough to work. Since then nursery has closed and the arrangement stands.

Your DH needs to agree some new hours with his work so that it accommodates his family commitments. Then he needs to keep to them...

It’s not business as usual so no one should feel forced to act like it is

Our union ucu have been brilliant and as such my employer emails max once a week

I work but there’s no tabs in time, no phone calls , just 2x week email thatsvit

It’s not business as usual so no one should feel forced to act like it is. Our union ucu have been brilliant and as such my employer emails max once a week

That's pretty bad for employers trying to stay afloat, though, isn't it? There's a balance to be struck.

I sympathise as am in a similar place - the higher earner yet somehow also the one who has to be more flexible. We don't have a perfect solution but have found that 2-3 hour shifts through the day work better than one long chunk, and then put a movie on at naptime and both get to work then..

I've also had to be firmer with DH about being on call, I think he actualy.quite liked the break of work from singlehandedly wrangle multiple young DCs for long periods, so was being more.responsive than strictly needed.

I'm an NHS employee, my team are being fantastic (but I don't think it's the Trust, more Dow to the individual manager). Only the most senior members of the team are going in (on a rota) with everyone working from home (but with a recognition that productivity will be down). Our team meeting this morning featured 4 small children on laps in different houses. I am able to openly say I am taking my dc out for an hour's walk, or that I have to check whether my dp is on a call at a certain time before booking things in.

I have put in a lot of extra work over the years, and I really feel I'm reaping the benefits of being a valued employee.