Where do I order one of those children that entertains themselves? I seem to have received a faulty version.

[RoomOnOurBroom]

I've looked in Tesco, but they don't seem to stock them (although delivery slots would be a challenge anyway). You know the model I'm talking about, the child that is supposedly happy to colour/draw/build lego/write poems/read books (other options are available apparently) on their own, or even with a parent. I see them everywhere on social media, with their amazing creations, grinning widely. Apparently all I have to do is get them to watch someone called Joe Wicks every morning and they should start bouncing around the house in excitement. Mine just makes an unpleasant whining sound and then screams at me. I have been following the recommended instructions ie routines, regular feeding, making things fun, making things boring. Nothing seems to work.

Anyone else with a faulty model? Can I get a refund? How do I get one that works properly?

I think that's the problem, my doesn't appear to have an off switch.

This is a feature of normal operations with most models OP. What no one ever tells you is that they outsource most entertainment and educational subroutines to other centres. It's unlucky that due to a dangerous virus most of these centres are closed at the moment.

The 'entertaining oneself' module is a function some may be lucky enough to receive from the beginning, or from the system reboot that happens between 9 and 15 years in. Please be aware that the reboot can cause disruption to a range of sub-routines and cause your model to function erratically for several years. This should resolve spontaneously at 18-25 years.

Returns are not possible with these models. However, after the main reboot it should be possible gradually to switch on the self-maintenance subroutines and, at the 18-year point, move them to separate housing for at least some of the time.

Mine is 17 and stuck on the loud setting, no matter where you go in the house you hear her, any commands from "please be quiet" to screeching bluntly "will you shut up" don't work 🤷‍♀️

Mine is just past warranty and I didn't take out extended cover.

Although I suspect the suppliers have now gone into administration.

I feel the advertising is misleading. It showed a shiny, clean model, long neatly plaited hair, sitting quietly and smiling. Mine is more like an irate octopus with a birds nest on its head. Where did I go wrong? Can I complain to Trading Standards?

You only have the 1 model? Consider them like apple trees, without two you do not have the fruit!

Mine are vintage models - dating from the early to mid-90s - and not only do they entertain themselves, but two have had the ‘Move out’ and ‘Earn your own living’ upgrades, and the third, who is at home at the moment, has acquired the ‘Independent study’ module, and needs minimal input from me.

I had one that malfunctioned until age 6 then was blessedly functional until 4 yrs later when an additional malfunction which caused the unit to shadow me constantly

However my other models also malfunction unless all models are together & I require their services - at this point they function perfectly independently from me

Have you tried giving it a bounce? My models are improved by trampoline

Mine are quite good at the entertaining themselves but my god, they need to come with a volume button.

Mine is only 16mo, so a fairly new model, but has begun to make loud noises like UP, SNACK, OUT, MAMA if one attempts to do some work.

I also have 31 other models belonging to other families communicating with me via an app, though at 7/8 they can communicate with actual words.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

Mine is also an early '90's model. The "move out" and "earn your own living" upgrades are working well, but over the past week or so there's been a mild fault with the "what to cook tonight" function with both her and the model she lives with. It appears that the imagination setting when faced with a pepper, chicken breast and some tinned haricot beans fails.

I have a 12 year old model. Fine when plugged in and entertains itself with no problem. However malfunctions when unplugged. I don't want to keep it plugged in all the time as there is of course the worry that this may cause issues with the internal settings.

My 2014 model came with an added extra. This seems to make them incompatible with clothes wearing which makes going in the garden or for a walk impossible. Limpet mode also seems to be permanently activated.

Late '90s models here. Now equipped with independent vehicle add-on, also the laundry and catering options are working reasonably well. Catering option seems to be missing the washing up module though.

Best advice I can give is to find a large cardboard box. Sit it in the middle of the living room, and fill with all manner of enticing random clutter (none of which is either breakable, precious or dangerous). Then make it plain to your child that the box is to be left alone and not touched under any circumstances.

You then go upstairs for 5 minutes.