Cheffy Wankery Required

[FlyMayBe]

DH and I are taking turns to cook dinner during lockdown. He loves Masterchef, so as a joke the other night I mocked up a Mastercheffy-style presentation for some strawberries with vanilla yoghurt (including dots of raspberry jam coulis and fresh basil). He was very amused by this, so I'm looking for some ideas, vipers. Only tonight, it's going to be spicy lamb with chickpeas and mash. Anyone got any cheffy ideas that a mediocre cook could manage?

Have you got a round pastry/biscuit cutter? If you have, make a thick disc of mash in the disc, top with chick peas. Remove pastry cutter. Serve. Call it a timbale. Cheffy wankery done.

For additional wankery, refer to the chickpeas as garbanzo beans.

Sounds like fun!

You need smears of things. I manage this very well all the time anyway but for Masterchef level a deliberate smear across the plate, applied with a brush seems to go down well.

Also, you could use a huge plate and put a couple of spoonfuls of food in the middle.

Any weeds in the garden that could do duty as microherbs?

Definitely serve food on things like wooden palters, slate tiles whatever you can find at home.

Layering food with lamb served on the top of a mound of mashed potatoes, chick peas in a separate ramekin dressed with assorted leaves

If lamb is sliced it should be balanced at angles on top of the mash.

Deliberately serve him a taster portion i.e. small. Have the rest on your plate served normally.

Make sure there are gaps between the components of the dish i.e. a space between the protein, the veg, the garnish etc. Serve the gravy/sauce/dressing in a small jug. Or serve the veg or salad or potatoes in a bowl i.e. use as many plates, dishes etc for one meal.

Put parsley as a garnish on everything and I mean EVERYTHING. For a joke put a sprig of it on the dessert course.

Serve it and then give an uber detailed description of every ingredient, component, cooking method etc while his meal goes cold. Have a crack at impersonating the MasterChef voice over lady.

Serve on the largest plates you have.

Around the rim or edge of the plate put a sweep of spice such as paprika using a small sieve/tea strainer, or seeds such as black sesame.
Decorate the dish with whole sprigs of fresh herbs, eg several stems of chives or a few stems of thyme.
Take one component of the dish, eg could be apricots with lamb stew, and cook separately such as pan fry them with honey, serve them in a ramekin alongside the main dish.

I'm loving these suggestions!! Am thinking of dying wilted spinach in a ramekin, and maybe a sprinkling of toasted crushed pine nuts and a swirl of yoghurt 😊

Your gravy has to be just a smear up the plate. Or so watery you could bath a duck in it.

Tonight's effort.

Spicy lamb with chick peas and apricot
Timbale of artisan smashed potatoes
Wilted spinach with pancetta and toasted pine nuts

DH was very amused. Thank you ladies

That's a 10 from me. Lovely.

Excellent work. Next time add some crispy fried leaves, for example sage or basil. Extra points if you put them on a pudding.

Love it

Superb effort! Cheered me up, thank you.

Excellent! You deserve

Sign up for the next series please!!!

I hope the OP's husband played his part and did his Greg Wallace growl as he critiqued the food (if he dare.)

Then did his best John Torode to make other remarks in a cod Aussie Accent commenting if any herbs came from the gaaarden.

Fab! I'm going to play this!

Are you going to serve pawk (pork)

Followed by a cheesecake with a buttery biscuit base ?

This is brilliant!

Put any sauce in a stripe across the plate and balance the food as precariously as possible along it

Err.. any chance of that spicy lamb recipe? It looks amazing.

Oh and don't forget the fon - dont (I think it's similar to fondant.)

Brilliant OP! 😂 & remember to “de-construct” everything.....already planning a toasted bread disc, single bean & a smear of jus as a de-constructed beans on toast for tomorrow! 😂 .....must squeeze a “quenelle” in there somewhere!

I made a miniature fry up once, fried quails egg, cocktail sausage, couple of beans, two frazzles.. that was quite amusing (but not very filling ).