help with DS ASD at home

[homeschoolchaos]

I know I could post this in SEN but looking for a bit more traffic.

Obviously DS5 (y1) is now at home for the foreseeable. He’s newly diagnosed as ASD (Aspergers to be precise) and we are all struggling a little bit. Academically he’s above average, emotionally he’s well below.

DS is, I think, reacting badly to the lack of school routine and structure, and we are seeing a lot of behaviour, and a lack of impulse control (lashing out at younger DS,3). We are obviously trying to not let situations escalate, but with trying to wfh and just general house renovation chaos, it’s not always possible. All of his behaviour is feelings related, and I suspect it’s linked to 1) no school, 2) DH & my availability. Schoolwork is a good distraction, as is exercise/outdoor garden time.

I’m really looking for what behaviour management techniques we should try - his paperwork mentions social stories but I have no experience here, where to look/how to start. Traditional time-out style discipline has never worked for him, but how do we communicate very bad behaviour won’t be tolerated (mostly the destructive/dangerous/hurting others kind)? It’s sometimes a ploy for attention, so that makes suitable consequence hard to determine.

Any of you who have experience with ASD discipline, I’d appreciate your input!

Glad it’s not just my child who is hair obsessed. I’m a little worried that I won’t have any left after lockdown as it seems to come out quite easily when he’s playing with it.

I’ll have a think about other ideas. He likes to run his hands through it so maybe a tassel would be good

homeschoolchaos you could be writing about my DS2, apart from the fact he’s a year older! He has a hair obsession and also has to sit on me. I’ve tried a few things with no success, but I never thought of a tassel. Im going to make one today - I have a ball of wool somewhere. He does have a lot of sensory toys and his cave (under his mid sleeper bed) has velvet cushions and fibre optic lights and is his calm retreat space. He is really struggling at the minute - overly structured timetables aren’t working, he’s demand avoidant so we’re keeping to a loose schedule so he knows what’s coming next, and when he’s in a good frame of mind we make the transition to the next thing. He has no real concept of time anyway. I’m giving him choices where I can so he can have some element of control which is important for him.
The hair thing is tough though. He won’t tolerate his own hair being too long (gives him a sweaty head which he can’t cope with), and he likes to get handfuls and twist it round his fingers. I’m gonna be bald by the time lockdown is over!

No hope of him growing out of it in the next year then I found these on Etsy which look quite good: www.etsy.com/uk/listing/755181815/silk-tassels-mala-tassels-jewellery

Yes! The twisting round the fingers. What is with that?! Shamefully I do actually hide from him sometimes in the other room when I need a bit of space. Both my boys are super cuddly but the younger one sits still and calm, DS1 wriggles and fiddles soooo much!

Another thing that feels really nice on hands is red lentils, and lots of people have these in at the moment. If you have an old jam jar, maybe fill it 2/3 rds full and let him run his fingers through it?
His wrists are small enough to get into the jar.

Have you tried a swipe sequin cushion? My ASD twins are obsessed with them. Very satisfying.

Ooh he does like swipe sequins!

And yes we have tons and tons of red lentils

I did see on an educational site recently (TTTS maybe?) they had long thin wall frames filled with swipe sequins which I’m considering (or maybe I’ll make some!)

Hi OP,
We’re in the same boat but my son is in reception.

I’ve made a note of some of the suggestion here, very helpful, thank you.

I’ve found, like pp, that a watertight routine helps the day. If we deviate, especially in the mornings, the rest of the day gets thrown off.
I know that it’s technically Easter, but we will continue with ‘lessons’ for the foreseeable.

I would keep it simple.
In your head, set some basic outcomes for the end of lockdown - eg
I want DS to still be able to engage in work-like tasks
I want DS to understand boundaries in relation to sensory needs
I want DS 2 to be safe and happy

Then think how you will achieve those.

If it were me I wouldn't overspecifically timetable just because if you are too precise then there's a higher risk that something will change or not work and that increases meltdown risk.
So I would just have "work time" and "choosing time" and maybe "screen time"/ "creative time" if you want.

Keep worktime achievable (15 to 20 mins for a child his age?) And have a range of actvities that he can select during the day in any order.

The social story above doesn't quite fit the ideal pattern and anyway they are better if you tackle the missing piece of social understanding rather than an unwanted behaviour (eg if a child hits regularly - track when, work out the pattern, then write a story that explains there is, for example, enough Lego for both boys to have a turn and this will make you happy, rather than a story that says hitting is bad. He probably already knows that, but lacks a crucial skill that underpins that behaviour - in my example, understanding sharing).

@Callimanco that’s really good advice, thank you. I guess this is a time during which I could really work on his emotions with him. And to be fair to him twice today he’s come to tell me that DS2 has done something to him instead of just thumping him. I’m very proud!

@Isawthathaggis sorry you’re going through this too - when did you get the diagnosis? And have you had any support? We haven’t but I suspect that’s in part related to covid chaos.

DS is quite atypical I think, in that he doesn’t present with very obvious traits. Hardly anyone knows but the people who do (small handful of friends, teachers) the main reaction was shock/disbelief. He functions very very well outside of the house. He’s great at school, he’s the model child on play dates, he’s popular. So I think you need to be quite close to him to see his difficulties, and they seem to be mostly feelings/anxiety related.

OP - we got a diagnosis in September last year having been referred on the pre-school pathway for social and communication difficulties.
Ds would have gotten an Asperger diagnosis a few years ago but we were told it’s not a thing now.

He’s a lovely boy (of course I would say that!) and at the moment you couldn’t really tell him apart from other five year olds unless you knew him well, but the time is coming when the other kids will notice he doesn’t engage unless the subject area really interests him. In many ways he flourishes under home schooling where I can structure the day around his interest.

Yesterday he said he wanted to run a cafe, so he wrote a menu himself, we made a price list, looked and money and worked out the change. Baked a cake where he read the recipe and weighted things.

Great and he loved it, but a regular class teacher can’t jump on his interest and he can’t hold his attention or sit still when he doesn’t care.

I am deeply worried about year 1 and the commencement of formal learning.

Really great to hear your reply - there are lots of things I can relate to. DS can be very dominant in play which is fine when everyone goes along with his game and not good when they don’t want to play whatever the interest du hour is. Interestingly there are some friendships where he will happily be directed in play by another child but only select few.

The sitting still and focussing was a big issue for him in year R. But year 1 has been a breeze. He thrives on the predictability of the day and is bright enough to find the tasks easy and therefore engaging - his class teacher is very good at differentiation though.

Asperger is a really unusual diagnosis in 2020, but apparently our trust still make the diagnosis, which surprised me.

If it's reassuring, maybe it's not, I wasn't diagnosed until I was 40 and that was after I'd self diagnosed and asked for an assessment.

I was able to get on well at school and went to a top university. My problems didn't really become an issue until I started working and having to engage with other adults who suddenly weren't in the teacher role, that I'd come to understand so well.

I was a bit spacey until age 13, forgetting to do homework, not really a clue what was going on and where I was meant to be and with what, and then it all clicked into place and I was a straight A student. Suddenly I got it.

Explaining what the hell school is actually for and how it all works, like how the cafe works, might help. We aspies tend to be very bright but pretty perplexed at all these weird things humans do!