PLEASE reassure me - did you go through a stressful event in first trimester and how is your DC?

[Helpmeplease1234567]

I'm very interested in epigenetics as a subject. I know from prior reading of articles of interest that chronic stress in first trimester especially is linked to maladaptive stress responses in the baby, future risk of mental health problems and preterm birth.

Clearly, we aren't in a war situation here and I need to keep it in perspective, but Covid-19 really kicked off literally as the baby would have implanted (early first trimester) and I have never felt so worried and upset in my life. I'm coping ok I think for DC1, we have a nice routine and keep busy, but as soon as she's asleep I struggle not to burst into tears with fears for the future and sadness for what we've lost, missing at risk shielded relatives etc. She asks all the time about seeing them and going out to park etc too and it breaks my heart seeing how sad she looks when I explain we can't go and I don't know when. We also have an operation that will likely be delayed and other worries.

If the fetus really is switching genes on and off and creating a blueprint based on this environment it's not a great start to be honest.

Can anybody reassure me with stories of your lovely DC after a traumatic first trimester event? We had a complicated stressful pregnancy with our first and I had a high stress job but it was different and I certainly didn't feel like this so early, I've never felt so low and desperate in my life and trying to keep positive for the baby makes me worry more. I thought I'd be so happy once we'd conceived a much wanted DC2, but when I got the positive test I couldn't believe the timing

Well I was 16 and homeless, literally living on the streets in London with my first born. He’s 45 and lovely!

Hi help,
I went through the most stressful time of my life whilst pregnant with DC1 - father was very ill, we were back and forth across the country during this, and he died when I was 17wks. Mother who dramatically fell apart following this. Hugely stressful job with shift work, career exams, house move including gutting and rebuilding the new one.
DC 1 is a teenager now, really bad sleeper when she was little (though I think that was more us than her) and now v chilled - nothing fazes her though for a long time I was worried that she would be an anxious child.
Try to step back a little and look after yourself, this situation won't last forever, and hopefully you will enjoy your time with him/ her when this is all over.

my mum was battling cancer when I was pregnant with my ds. She died when he was 6 weeks old.

He’s fine but I did suffer with pnd.

Yes I had 2 very stressful pregnancies and I cried a lot between 6-9 months pregnant.
My first born wouldn't settle without a soother my second didn't even have a soother
Both traumatic pregnancies, my first born cries almost daily about different things but I put it down mostly to being a teenager. My second born is very happy go lucky and nothing bothers her.

My second pregnancy was a shit show from the outset. Extremely stressful. It was a twin pregnancy and one of the babies died. Then they were born extremely early after an infection. I had ptsd and can't remember the first 2 years of my middle child's life.

His emotional regulation is excellent. His behaviour is impeccable. He's 9, but operates years ahead and is accepted by much older kids (even girls ). He's sharp too. Noticeably smarter than his peers.

Let epigenetics remind you that nothing is set, and remember that your child's attachment relationships throughout childhood will have a far greater impact on their emotional regulation and future mental health than a period of moderate stress in early pregnancy.

With my first dc I was a single mum, my dad was diagnosed with cancer and died the day after ds was born, my fiancée then left me a couple of months after. I had the most stressful pregnancy and first year of ds’s life. He is a normal kid ! Sometimes happy sometimes moody! He is 12 now and actually a funny, preteen, chill lad.

I do think there’s something in it but a parent can negate those disadvantages by the way you bring up your child. I am positive and allow ds his emotions, I’m sure that helps !

DW fell down a flight of stairs (11 of them) while expecting DD. No ill effects (aside from major panic attack for DW) and 30 odd years on, DD has now made us grandparents.

Well nothing compared to what some of you have been through but my DH lost several jobs all throughout my pregnancy and I'm pretty sure I was suffering with depression. I had lost a pregnancy previously and was convinced the same would happen. He's 4 months now and he's as chilled out as his dad. So far so good.

I didn't find out I was pregnant with dd2 until I was 5 months, I did lots of things you shouldn't do.
At 7 months I suffered a bereavement. Dd1 died suddenly. The stress and grief was unbearable.
Dd2 arrived healthy on her due date.

I didn’t find out I was pregnant until 4 weeks and had been drinking a bit the week before while on holiday (normally rarely drink). Then I got hyperemesis gravidarum and spent up until about 18 weeks not eating, not drinking, taking lots of anti nausea medication and laying in bed all day. My DD was born at 39+3. Early labour was long and painful but otherwise very easy birth with no issues for me or baby. She is nearly 6 months now and breastfeeding really well from the start and is an extremely easy baby on the whole.

My dad died of cancer when I was 3 months pregnant, very stressful time driving two hours in motorway rush hour to get to see him in hospital or at home after work, spending weekends with my mum, constantly on the phone with mum when not at work talking her through the various problems she was carrying (working full time in an insane job at the time).

Baby was absolutely fine, even though I cried almost every day of my pregnancy and had pnd. She is now 9yo and perfect, happy, well adjusted, a little bit on the skinny side but that's cos she bounces round all the time. She's the healthiest child ever, has never had to take a single day off school sick.

Obviously I can't tell you what it has all done to her genes but so far so good!

Thank you, I'm really sorry and sad to hear everything you've all been through but feel reassured to hear about your lovely DC

I must stop thinking "if only I could" do whatever to destress because we can't do those things at the moment and I will have to find a way in the house and teach little embryo resilience! If I try and think of relaxing I feel my heart rate go up so best thing to do is keep busy and constructive... sock drawer sorting time with DD!

I had HG from 6 weeks pregnant, was hospitalised etc. Though not an external event, it was absolutely horrendous and I’ve had extensive PTSD counselling since. DS is a toddler now, generally very chilled out (not quick to anger at all). He does have a real anxious streak and I think will be a worrier as he gets older- BUT that’s exactly how I am, so I’m not surprised.

Have you thought of using an app such as Headspace op. Might be helpful for you.

Lots of babies were born in WW1 and WW2. They were fine.

I was in a very abusive marriage which ended just after my son was born. He is now 16 and you genuinely could not find a nicer,kinder,likeable ,resilient and emotionally balanced young man.

Don't know if this counts but I had a bad accident in 1st trimester which resulted in multiple operations, months of physio, a permanent disability. I was advised to terminate as it was thought to have harmed the foetus. I didn't. DS is 15, very intelligent and very too bloody laidback an easygoing.

I had severe HG until term which gave me antenatal depression and led to me losing my job (actually my career that I’d worked really hard for), which I found devastating. On top of the stress and depression, I survived on the odd mars bar as I couldn’t keep anything down and mars bars were the only thing I could just about tolerate.

My DS is 4 now and perfectly healthy and happy! Hopefully no long term damage done, but it’s not as if I could have changed anything anyway - much like you and the other posters on this thread. The things we are powerless to change aren’t worth worrying about (although easier said than done, I appreciate).

@PatchworkElmer

Totally get you. I had this and it’s the worst experience I’ve gone through in life so far. I also had PND afterwards too.

I was very reluctant to have DC2 but DH wanted to. By week 6 it was in full-swing again and I wanted to terminate. Somehow between him and my obstetrician, I managed to get through it. I started taking antidepressants early on in that pregnancy and had to stop a month before term. Don’t think I’d have got through it otherwise. Kudos to you; HG is so brutal.

I had a super chilled pregnancy with my first and my first is quiet an anxious child. I had a super stressful pregnancy with my second and he is so chilled and so sweet. I had exactly the same worry that he'd be absorbing all this stress, but in fact he's my reward for going through such a bad time in my life. Your baby will be fine xxxx