10 mo just never stops whinging

[ADTB]

I’m losing my mind with my 10 mo baby. He just never stops whinging. It was easier to deal with before lockdown because as soon as he got whingey before, I would go for a drive or go to visit family/friends to distract him but now I’m struggling being stuck in every day.
He has always been a ‘handful’ - suffering with colic, then reflux, then a series of ear infections and burst eardrums meant he was generally an unhappy baby.
He isn’t a good sleeper and fights naps so hard. But he gets so tired and never stops crying when he’s tired. This morning he woke at 6am and was so obviously still tired and cried immediately on waking. He had his milk then rubbed his eyes, yawned and started whinging. So I tried putting him back to bed, after an hour of trying I gave up.
Feel like such a failure of a Mum, I make sure he always has a dry bum, he is fed plentiful, I play with him lots and carry him round the house with me but it just doesn’t help. So many people said ‘wait til 6 months it gets easier’ - it’s harder than ever.
If anyone’s got any ideas I would really really appreciate them. And if not, thanks for listening to my rant

You are not a failure at all! DS went through a stage of this, it could be a leap, getting frustrated at wanting to do more but not quite being able to- like walking etc, or teething. It turned out to be mainly teething for us, does he have any yet?

@Marieo you don't know how good it feels for someone to say that.
He's got 8 teeth, the last two came a couple of weeks ago and it doesn't look like anymore are appearing yet. But he can't crawl yet and can't pull himself to standing so don't know if that might be frustrating for him.
I just expected him to get less whingey and 'easier' as he got older and it's just not happening.

I would say most babies go through this, my three did and it's frustration at not being able to get about, I think he will probably be a lot more settled once he can walk, although then you will need eyes in the back of your head!
Lockdown is really stressful with babies/toddlers, try not to put too much pressure on yourself, that's what I am telling myself anyway!

Hi OP, how would you describe your bond/ attachment to each other? Reading your post you sound quite detached. He may well be picking up on this?

What does his nap routine look like?

Big hug. I think some babies (usually the more intelligent ones) just don't like being babies and get frustrated that they can't do everything right away.

It does sound like he may be over tired as well. I use a free app called huckleberry which is excellent for telling me the time to settle my LO for naps, which is normally a lot earlier than I think.

How does he sleep at night? If he is waking a lot I would really try sleep training or if you can afford it get a sleep consulant to help.

@Skeeter2020 I struggled with pnd at the start for the first few months so didn't bond with him very well. And I still find it difficult though I'm no longer suffering with depression. It sounds awful to say but days feel more like a job and all I focus on is keeping him happy til bedtime.
I love him more than anything and of course would do anything for him but I do feel like he challenges me. He naps a lot easier for my partner and my partner says it is probably because of my stress but I don't really know how to manage that as an hour plus of getting him to nap with him screaming and fighting, I just get really worked up.

@crazydiamond222 he wakes between 5/6am, naps about 8.30/9am for half an hour and then again at 12ish (usually an hour), then bedtime is 6pm. He sometimes sleeps through but normally wakes up once in the night

@ADTB I would say it's probably the frustration at not being able to quite do what he wants yet. After each grumbly spell DS started doing something new. I found those periods really hard as the grumble sound really went through me! But it's normal. You know he is safe, fed, clean, its largely one of those things, and more intense when you can't go out and stuff. Sounds like you're doing great, I don't really get the relation to attachment.

It can also mess with their sleep.

@Marieo fingers crossed he starts crawling soon to occupy himself a little bit. I know what you mean about the grumble. He makes what we refer to as 'the gorilla noise' and thumps his chest when whinging. It really grates on you!
Thank you x

. I think some babies (usually the more intelligent ones) just don't like being babies and get frustrated that they can't do everything right away.

Not being able to do things, and not being able to talk. It will get easier, but realistically perhaps not quite yet. My quite demanding LO turned into a pretty much trouble-free teen so in retrospect I got the better deal.

Yes! I find it gets to me more than any other sound or cry haha. Hopefully it eases off soon, it's hard at the moment anyway, have you tried some of the online baby groups etc that are streaming? Might give you a little bit of relief. Or I doing the baby sensory videos on YouTube used to provide a bit of relief!

If he's sleeping for 11/12 hours and still having 2 naps I doubt he's in any way tired. Maybe you're trying to get him to sleep when he doesn't need?

Those seem pretty short naps - will he sleep if you push him round in the buggy

I found 10 months really hard with all of mine, even the most content one and I didn't have any colic or reflux or lockdown to deal with. They liked to be carried about a lot but were at their heaviest before walking. I'm sure you are doing a great job. I'd say do whatever you can to get through. We really need to look after our mental health in this time so I am more lenient about screens etc. There are great colourful videos on YouTube called "littlebabybum" that might give you some respite/downtime as my son was fascinated by them and would watch them for a bit. for you in this tough time, this too shall pass.

@ErrolTheDragon I'm really hoping for the same thing!  can't wait for the teen phase where he doesn't get out of bed haha

@Marieo ah I will have a look at them, didn't realise there was any online so will try that today. Thank you for all the advice

@midnightstar66 he would be horrendous if he didn't nap in the day! He has all the signs, rubbing eyes, smacking toys away, refusing to eat and yawning his head off alongside screaming until he has a nap.

@LittleBearPad yeah I've tried to leave him to go into another sleep cycle but he point blank refuses it. He doesn't sleep in the buggy as he's far too nosey. He loves being in there.

@Nicelunch25 will have a look at those. It's good to hear others had a difficult time at 10 months, gives me hope it will soon pass. Thank you for the kind words and advice x

You've described my son to a tee, he's now 5 years old though. Hopefully this is not the case for you but my ds whinged from around 10-11 months right through til he was about 20 months and it was f'ing soul destroying so please don't feel like it's anything you're doing, I had a great bond with my son and didn't have PND but had post natal anxiety and I was grieving as I had a close family death when he was 3 months old.

I remember thinking it will never end and this is just his personality. Funnily enough now that he's older and can talk he does moan an awful lot but now it's with words than I can understand and fix the issue whereas before speech they just have crying and that whingy noise which is ear grinding 😭

I promise it will end, it's just one of those phases of parenthood that you have to "get through" rather than actually enjoying. In the mean time because of isolation if you have a garden, use it plenty for throwing balls around, picking flowers. Play doh, messy painting, lots of baths with toys in.

I'm so sorry you're going through this Op, I know only too well how relentless and grinding it is - two of mine were dreadful whingers, and it's so hard. Obviously none of us can know for sure, but it's definitely not necessarily anything you're doing wrong, some babies are just hard work. Doubly so, when you can't even get out and about to break up the day. It really is just a case of getting through the day as best you can, and it eventually passes. Don't be hard on yourself, and if he settles better for your DP, then let him take on that job for now while you get a break. That's important.

@ErrolTheDragon that's interesting. My dd1 was such a whinger as a baby, and got worse as a toddler. It was awful, I've no idea how I survived it. She's 23 now though, and I can honestly say, hand on heart, I didn't have a single day's bother with her through the teenage years. Same with ds2, although he's only 12, so that could change! He's got a lovely, sunny personality, which I never could've predicted when he was little.
Dd2 was the easiest, most content little baby and toddler - but is a bit of a nightmare tween at 10. I'm dreading the teenage years with her! 😩

@Nogodsnomasters thank you for sharing and for the advice. It's good to hear other people have had the same experience. I have a feeling my son will be moaning a lot once he can too!

@JockTamsonsBairns thank you. It's just so hard to think it's not because of me. I suppose as a mum I should be able to fix it and make him happy so it's really frustrating that I can't.

My second was like that. It didn’t stop until she could walk and talk.

@Marmite27 your response bought a smile to my face. I feel like you are remembering those times with sheer dread. Roll on walking and talking.

Do you use a sling? My 10 month old would have wanted lots of carrying and attention so just got carried around a lot.

What kind of activities do you do during the day? Are you stimulating him under/over average.

You've said he's had problems with his ears-is this still ongoing? Any hearing loss? Is he in pain?

My eldest was like this. When she was awake, she was whining. I was completely exhausted with it by the time she was a year old, and not enjoying motherhood. It does sound cliched but by the time she was able to walk/talk things did get better - I'm sure a lot of it was pure frustration that she couldn't do what she wanted to.

The only thing I would check is for allergies - my 3rd granddaughter was the miserable child imaginable, she had reflux and was just inconsolably unhappy. Turns out she had coeliac disease. Thank goodness DD was able to really push our GP for a paed referral, and they picked it up immediately. Maybe a chat with your HV may be an idea for the future.

Hang on in there - we've all been there and got the T shirt. Some kids are just miserable - it's nothing to do with your parenting . That's why God invented wine and chocolate

Op you are definitely not alone, I'm glad this post has let you see that it's completely not your fault, when it's your first child and you have nothing to compare it to you just start thinking this kid hates me! But it will end at some point I promise.

I second a sling if you don't have one. If have somewhere secure outside, try naps outside, apparently they sleep longer and better. This will pass