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Original poster

Anyone else much prefer sleeping by themselves?

63 replies

SmoothAvocado · 30/03/2020 11:20

I feel bad about it but if I was told I could still have a relationship whilst sleeping on my own, I'd definitely be pleased about that.

It always feels like a camping situation to me - a temporary must do due to circumstances rather than something I'd freely choose to do.

To me, there's almost no advantage and a lot of disadvantages - their movement waking you up, them snoring/breathing heavily, hygiene things like wind (both the other person doing it and being conscious of yours), different sleep-wake cycles, annoying cuddles, not having enough space, having to compromise on temperature, feeling uncomfortably warm having another person beside you, finding it harder to fall asleep, etc.

Definitely a part of the relationship I'd rather do without!

OP posts:

Bluewater1 · 30/03/2020 22:02

I love having my bed to myself

thequeenbeyondthewall · 30/03/2020 22:04

Yes but I've been married less than a year, I can't tell him yet

speakout · 30/03/2020 22:05

OH and I have separate bedrooms, and a very happy relationship.

Bliss.

Northernsoullover · 30/03/2020 22:05

I hate it and I will never share a bed on a long term basis. My partner stays over (pre lockdown he did) around once a week and I dread going to bed. Snoring, breathing and hogging the duvet.
I love it when we go away. We always book a twin.

Bluntness100 · 30/03/2020 22:08

No, I’m too used to sleeping beside my husband, but we have a super king size bed, so there is plenty of space. Like a mile between us.

I can’t take it if we end up in a double. Say at a friends or in a hotel, it just feels so small and cramped, like there is no space. Whenever I see a double, my heart sinks.

I honestly don’t know how people sleep in doubles for years and years when they don’t have to ie they have the space and money for a bigger bed. But choose to be all cramped up together, totally and utterly bemuses me.

thequeenbeyondthewall · 30/03/2020 22:09

I'd like a house where you had three bedrooms where to of them where one to either side of the middle one,

All the same size. End ones in whatever choice, middle one the joint one.

AlexaAmbidextra · 30/03/2020 22:10

I’ve always thought it quite bizarre that just because you are in a relationship you are expected to share a bed every night for evermore.

PontiacBandit · 30/03/2020 22:10

It's a bit better now we've had a new king size bought a few months ago, but we spent 18yrs on a double and it wasn't big enough. I do enjoy when he's on nights even if he does wake me up at 6am coming to bed.

RUSU92 · 30/03/2020 22:12

DP and I have separate double beds at my house (I don’t stay at his!) I sacrificed having bedside tables to squeeze two small double beds side by side! He’s a terribly snorer and flails around, bouncing up and down, restless legs (I suspect sleep apnoea but he’s dragging his feet getting it sorted). So I sleep with ear plugs in, under my 4.5 tog duvet while he’s snuggled in his 10.5 with super high firm pillows. Suits us fine. I will pop over to “DP island” for a cuddle etc before sleep, so we don’t miss out.

It gets a bit expensive on holiday though as we need a room with two doubles (two singles doesn’t work for sex!) In America it’s fine as we ended up with 2 doubles in most hotels. Scandinavian holiday recently was much more difficult to find double beds so we ended up in a 3 bed cottage for the two of us

There’s no way I can share a bed with him now, even him touching my mattress as he gets up wakes me up. I sleep without the earplugs when he’s not here but I still need silence and total darkness.

RUSU92 · 30/03/2020 22:14

Yes but I've been married less than a year, I can't tell him yet . I love the thought of you biding your time until you can let him know he’s out on his ear into the spare room

user1471464702 · 30/03/2020 22:16

It’s awesome - try it

ErrolTheDragon · 30/03/2020 22:17

I’ve always thought it quite bizarre that just because you are in a relationship you are expected to share a bed every night for evermore.

Nonsense. Separate rooms for sleeping is entirely normal if you've got the space. And especially if you have different sleeping habits or one or both of you ever snores.
I'd rather share a bed in the daytime when we're awake.

wintertime6 · 30/03/2020 22:19

I didn't realise how much I loved having my own bed until I was really sick with flu a couple of years ago and moved myself to the spare room for a week. I managed to sneak a few extra nights on to the end of my stay in the spare room by saying i still wasn't feeling great, when really I was just enjoying my own space!

Peanut55 · 30/03/2020 22:20

Started to sleep seperate when I was 5mo pregnant and needed a pregnancy pillow.

I do the night wakings so sleep in the nursery, it has a king size bed.

I love having my own bed. My DH sleeps much better too. Sometimes we sneak into eachother and cuddle

cannotmakemymindup · 30/03/2020 22:20

Yes! It's bliss when I get to sleep on my own. I sometimes understand the twin bed thing for couples, seemed so weird and old fashioned when I was growing up but now I relish the thought.
My DH fidgets, moves, nicks quilt, elbows me in the back and generally ends up leaving his side of the bed and ending up on mine.
There is a strong possibility towards the end of this pregnancy he's going to end up on the sofa.
My daughter has inherited his fidget tendencies to so either of them are a pain to share with.

Flupibass · 30/03/2020 22:24

I’ve been ill and dh has been in the spare room. I’m hoping we can stay like this - we both sleep so much better. I actually look forward to going to bed now whereas before I used to dread it because of his snoring and restlessness and having all that space is lovely!

thequeenbeyondthewall · 30/03/2020 23:07

I need one of those houses where the sleeping areas are separated by the main bathroom which is always very extravagant and in the middle with two sinks and one bath.

FrenchBoule · 30/03/2020 23:09

Yes. DH (still love him to bits) is able to pull the sheets from under my arse. He denies it despite all the evidence.
Sadly we have ASD DC who decided our unbranded marital divan bed was much comfier than his wooden frame single so I use it now.
It’s bliss. No farts, snoring in my ear and sheets stay intact all night 😀

Eckhart · 30/03/2020 23:15

It's quite a modern invention, sleeping in the same bed. Used to be viewed by the upper class as something only heathens would do - those without space to sleep separately, and had to sleep in a pile, like animals. All the stately homes have separate bedrooms for each partner. I think it's quite nice. It means you can be in a committed relationship and still say 'Hey baby... Your place or mine..?'

BringMeTea · 30/03/2020 23:15

Me! Luckily dh feels similarly. I sleep so badly with another body.

Slippersandacuppa · 30/03/2020 23:23

Me! Haven’t shared a bed since pregnant with DS12, when I couldn’t take the snoring on top of all the other reasons I couldn’t sleep (size of a whale, SPD, hot, humid climate). We managed a few more kids after that! Every now and then, we try to sleep in the same bed but we never sleep well - shame, as DH would love to so I would have considered part time.

aibuovu · 30/03/2020 23:24

i wish i could but don't have a spare bedroom! I wake up every night because of my DH. The snoring is the worst! Only last night he was snoring sooo loud, i recorded him for a few mins then played it in his ear .

Bouledeneige · 30/03/2020 23:27

I'm divorced. Two best things for my sleep - not sharing a bed with a massive snorer and getting dark blue velvet black out curtains. Sleeping in the darkest quietest room with a large double bed to myself. Bliss.

feelinguseless101 · 30/03/2020 23:29

redeyetonowheregood I had to check I hadn't already responded when I read yours. It's exactly the same here. Husband hates that I prefer to sleep alone. We've been sleeping separately due to bad sleeping kids for around 6 months, and I love it!

OneMoreForExtra · 30/03/2020 23:36

I have found my people. It's not just the physical space and lack of jostling/breathing/morning synchronisation, it's the mental space of going to bed alone and either reading without apology or drifting off without explaining that I'm drifting off.

Currently using DD(3)'s habit of nightly arrivals in the small hours as an excuse to alternate sleeping g in the spare room. Not sure what I'll do to prolong it if/when ahe grows out of it...

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