Mother in law

[Louisana]

I know I mighty sound crazy but had to get it off my chest.

My DD is 8months and she is my first. So I live with my in laws at the moment and mother in law helps a lot with DD and loves her to bits.

Like when DD sees mother in law she gets so happy and excited. But she doesn't do that with me. If I have gone out for an evening and come back she isn't as excited as she would be if that was MIL. Is this normal with babies ? Or am I just being paranoid. Sometimes I feel like maybe DD loves MIL more than me? I just feel really down. I know I might sound really silly but she's my first child and MIL doesn't help when she makes me feel like I'm not doing a good job an always puts me down an tries to take over with DD.

Is this normal with babies, do they genuinley like grandparents more ?

Sweetie - it’s not that. Do you get excited by your own arm? You are part of them - you are them. There’s no excitement to see you, just a sense of relief that all is as it should be. You are not a theme park, you are home...

@Longtalljosie lol that does make me feel slightly better. I guess I'm just being overly paranoid.

@longtalljosie that is so nice, l also needed to hear that.

@Solongtoshort have you felt that way too about ur DC?

You are baby's constant. DD doesn't get excited when you return because she feels secure that you always will be there for her.
You have a strong bond that noone can come close to.

Its scientific fact that babies see you as "them" for quite a long time. This makes me happy!
My beautiful DS is 4mo and he coos and gurgles when daddy gets home; not for me tho!!

It’s quite true that babies tend to take their primary carer (usually mum) for granted, but react to novelty, such as cooing and babbling when dad comes home.
And it’s also true that new mums often feel a bit insecure and inexperienced, compared to “know all” granny or MIL who has seen it all before.
Have more faith in yourself OP. You are the expert on your own baby, and take it as a compliment that baby feels so comfortable with you that she takes you for granted.

In a few months she’ll realise that you are a separate person and this will change! You might wish for this phase back again!

You are the cake, mil is the icing. Nobody can replace you.

Yes my DD is exactly the same. Even when daddy comes home she's soo excited to see him but with me it's nothing lol.

I just feel like sometimes MIL takes over, it's hard to say anything because she's very sensitive and also would turn it around on me and make me look bad. Also because DD likes being around MIL that makes me feel like what if I lose the bond with my DD and she prefers MIL more than me. It just really upsets me

I'm not keen on bashing MsIL but she's being a bit of a dick.

@springydaff at time she's actually great and she is very good with DD. It's because right at the start after I gave birth she wasn't very pleasant to me. I had a C section and struggled for the first couple of weeks so MIL insisted on helping me to look after her but at the same time she kept putting me down an making me feel like I didn't know what I was doing. I felt so lost. But now MIL is a lot better but I think I still kind of hold that grudge of how she made me feel. So when DD does get excited to see her or always wants to go to her I get upset an think is it because I'm not good enough etc?

NO it's not because you aren't good enough

It's because MIL is a dick.

When the time comes, move out and keep MIL at arms length.

Own that baby, op. She's yours, not MIL's. You're a great mum.

MIL has burned her bridges I'm afraid.

@springydaff Thank you! You have made me feel better so I appreciate that.

Yes me an DH are saving and will be moving it as soon as we are financially stable. But for now I just need to be strong and stand up for myself !

Bravo op 💪

Your baby is YOURS, not MIL's xx

@springydaff thank you so much! Xx

Louisana - before very long it will be" mum/mummy/mom/mama" all day long and you will want to change your 'job title'!

^
It's because MIL is a dick.

When the time comes, move out and keep MIL at arms length.^

I don't agree with this at all. Your DD deserves a granny who loves her. It will be an important part of her life. Grandparents are often very close to their grandchildren. Nothing wrong in that. If MIL oversteps your boundries, then you can make that clear.

It sounds like she has offered you and your DH a home while you are saving for your own home, and done her best for her granddaughter. I'm sure she hasn't meant to make you feel inadequate . Things will be a lot easier when you get your own place.
I wouldn't start by alienating your MIL from your DH and your DD unless it's absolutely necessary. It won't end well for any of you.

Arms length isn't 'alienating' , pusspuss. I think you've got the wrong end of the stick tbh.

you may be right.....