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Original poster

Child being left in her room all day.

31 replies

Flumo · 27/03/2020 15:34

Hi, i just need some advice on my ex partner and my 8 year old daughter.
So basically she has been pretty badly behaved over the last couple of weeks, i think it is down to hormones and maybe over things at school. I try and talk though her emotions and maybe take her toys ect away for a fews days and not let her play outside when she wants.
Her and our son stay at his 2 nights a week, hes always been very controlling and nasty but thankfully never to the kids so far just me and every other woman in his life. We do have a court date coming up so i can hopefully sort things out in a better way.
Anyway he told her to go straight to her room and stay there, which i thought was fair as she had been naughty that was at 1pm. The next day she came back after i finished work 1 and she told me she wasnt allowed out her room all night and all that day only for dinner and breakfast, she started to cry and tell me that her dad didnt speak in anyway to her as well as his girlfriend and my son was not allowed.
Does anyone else thing this is way over the top and maybe be messing with her mental health?? hopefully im not overreacting.
Thank you for listening.

OP posts:
Troels · 27/03/2020 17:11

Emotional abuse. He's a nasty bastard

Gilead · 27/03/2020 18:06

Wow, that’s grim. I wouldn’t be handing her over.

Holothane · 27/03/2020 18:08

That’s shocking, you’ve punished her at home, her dad doesn’t need to do it, separate house.

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Livedandlearned · 27/03/2020 18:09

Yeah, that's controlling and an over the top punishment

Lynda07 · 27/03/2020 18:09

He behaved dreadfully. All children have periods of bad behaviour, it's a phase but punishments should never be OTT - first and foremost she needs to know she is loved.

CheekyMango · 27/03/2020 18:11

Yes abuse... But hormones at 8?Hmm

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 27/03/2020 18:11

Awful! I wouldn’t be sending her back to him and telling him exactly why!

bloodywhitecat · 27/03/2020 18:13

I would imagine the way that her dad treats her has a huge impact on her behaviour, he is emotionally abusive.

IceKitten · 27/03/2020 18:15

That's awful Sad poor little girl.

sneeuw · 27/03/2020 18:21

Wow that made me well up. My DS is that age and he would be so deeply upset by that I can't even entertain thinking about how isolated he'd feel by that.

Please document this in some way (maybe someone else can tell you how). It's emotional abuse.

btw LOADS of kids are acting up at the moment. They know about CV but can't really understand it, their routines have been changed and now they're not in school, their entire world has been turned upside down. They also see adults acting differently and stressing. It's totally normal that they'll act up/out and need more reassurance in general, not just about CV specifically.

WestWasnt · 27/03/2020 18:23

Absolutely awful, poor girl, that would be abuse if she was 16, never mind 8! I would probably ring the NSPCC for some advice and support if I were you, and I wouldn’t be sending her back to his for contact for now.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 27/03/2020 18:23

Can you contact social services or the NSPCC for advice? I would not let My daughter go there again. He sounds like a real nasty shit.

EmpressSuiko · 27/03/2020 18:28

@CheekyMango I started my period at 9, my dd is 8 and is going through prepubescent adolescence, it’s not uncommon.

Poppi89 · 27/03/2020 18:30

What did she do that was so wrong?

EmpressSuiko · 27/03/2020 18:31

His behaviour was appalling, she is 8!
Going to her room for a short time out would be adequate, totally over the top and the silence treatment is just awful, I can’t believe the gf also joined in, I can’t imagine what 8 year old could do to deserve that.
My dd is hormonal, she really pushes the boundaries lately but I never, ever give her silent treatment, I do the same as you, time out, take toys away etc, I would be having strong words with how he dealt with her behaviour.

givemeacall · 27/03/2020 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicLondon1 · 27/03/2020 18:40

For God's sake - we are ALL under a lot of pressure and stress at the moment and everybody, at any age, is acting up. What she needs is love and understanding. Perhaps some "naughty behaviour" can be forgiven in times of national crisis like this? The poor kids, their whole world has turned upside down! Both of you, as parents, should stop with the punishments for the time being.
And yes, keeping an 8 year old in her room all day and night is abusive no matter the situation. A time out for her age should be 8 MINUTES on the naughty step.

oakleaffy · 27/03/2020 18:52

Isn't that ''False imprisonment'?......Isn't that illegal?......How did the poor girl use the bathroom?
He sounds really nasty......A bedroom shouldn't be used for punishment for hours like that... So sad.

Elieza · 27/03/2020 19:01

Time to ask her arse father why this happened? What is he is playing at. Or has she misunderstood and he was trying to keep her away from a corona infected family member or something?

Davespecifico · 27/03/2020 19:04

I would be very resistant to sending her back there. It must have broken your heart to hear her tell you that.

Original poster
Flumo · 27/03/2020 19:18

It broke me, she was so sad thinking she had to go back today. It is mostly her attitude which dont get me wrong she can be awful and she upsets me with it but not so much she would be sent to her bedroom for more than half and hour. Shes a lovely girl most the time it's just the odd time shes in a bad mood, my grandma started hers at 9 so I just kind of putting 2 and 2 together. I have had tons of horrible messages off him, but they have been ignored. Thank you for all the advice so glad to know i wasn't over reacting, will be getting in touch with someone about what route i can go down.

OP posts:
macaroniandpizza · 27/03/2020 19:22

Shes 8 ffs she is a little girl who is going to have days where yes she is badly behaved and days where she is good. No behaviour warrants being held like a prisioner in her room thats just downright cruel

Lifesabeach86 · 27/03/2020 19:23

You say her behaviour has been bad for the past couple of weeks. Think about everything that has happened in that time, her whole routine has changed, her 'normal' is no longer. She can't see friends, can't go to school, can't go to the park! It sounds like maybe she's acting out as she doesn't have the tools to explain how she's feeling.

Poppi89 · 27/03/2020 19:25

No wonder she is acting up. Is there a pattern? Does she get stressed and play up before the times she goes to her dad's?

Sunshiness · 27/03/2020 19:25

I agree with all PP, that's just horrendous and downright traumatising for her I'm sure. Please protect her from this. However, if you're completely honest doesn't you not allowing her to go outside go in a similar direction? I would see this as an unnecessary and counterproductive punishment. If your DD is struggling with something at school why punish her for dealing with something emotional. And surely of all things, some time outside in the fresh air would help her relax and be more balanced?