Tarquin and Cressida

[quasimodo7]

Just a distracting lighthearted tongue in cheek thread re how you think the middle/ upper classes will cope with Covid19. Apologies to any couple called Tarquin and Cressida! I clearly have far too much time on my hands ....!

So, Tarquin and Cressida Crudington-Smythe have decided to decamp from Knightsbridge, in their country run about Range Rover ( Would have gone for an Overfinch but reeks of new money), along with week and weekend nannies, latin tutor and fencing coach, to Southwold/ Frinton/Aldeburgh etc.

They are fine for PPE , as they have custom hazmat suits for the odd occasion en route before the crisis, in case they didnt pass a Waitrose and had to venture into a budget supermarket to shop with those under the 40% tax bracket.

Their children, Finn and Elspeth, were always so disappointed that they weren't allowed to venture into something called a "Happy Shopper", it sounded like such fun, and they had heard it stocked some boxes of non organic cakes with artificial colourants by a man they assumed was related to Rudyard...

Do add as you wish!.....

Ha ha ha! Good yin

I know this is meant to be light-hearted but we need fewer divisions among us, not more.

What a shame you see it that way, yes it is very light hearted so probably best to take it in that spirit. Not divisive or intended to be, could have used any spectrum of society. Not much else to say really!

Perhaps you should replace middle/ upper class with no class? Or at least insert a wannabe before them.

Tarquin and Cressida were incredibly disappointed when they realised the genuine upper/ middle classes didn't fit the mumsnet desperate to be perceived as mc stereotype.

When they arrived in the country, blinding the locals with the shine on their brand new hunters and scaring the horses with their stiff new Barbour jackets, they were highly insulted by the insinuation they weren't actually, and would never be, part of the country set.

They decided to publicly demonstrate their newly bought class status by demanding the scruffiest local present move away from their shiny new car. And were stunned when they became aware the same person was titled aristocracy and owner of the entire estate.

'Why the fuck would one need a latin tutor when we have the best public schools, and isn't it an awfully tight timetable trying to accommodate tutoring around pony club' quickly ended any hope they had of impressing the country set with their educational aspirations.

Tarquin and Cressida had to admit defeat, and head back to mumsnet where their bourgeois lifestyle might stand a chance of being mistaken for genuine class.

This place used to be fun.

Oh dear! Bit of sense of humour failure going on here this evening? Never mind! Onwards and upwards!

Aren't Tarquin and Cressida the names of the 'Modern Parents'in Viz?
misses point of thread

I thought this was a baby names thread for a minute.

Hilaire, OP.

Now do one about Keith and Shaznay from down the estate having to hit the foodbanks because their kids won’t get school dinners.

See how that goes.

Shaznay? Keith? I'm having trouble imaging those two having school-age kids at all- surely they're in their fifties at least?

Plus, their imaginary kids are still entitled to free school meals.

Free school meals which they aren't getting because school canteens are shut and the government hasn't out in place any alternative provision

Oh come now mumsnetters, be kind. I'd like to add to the story but my imagination is hopeless this time of day. Perhaps after a coffee.

Not sure how anyone missed your first sentence OP. I think some are being a tad over sensitive to say the least.

Lighten up you lot! People take themselves far too seriously.

Free school meals which they aren't getting because school canteens are shut and the government hasn't out in place any alternative provision

Most schools have put something in place. The one I work at just has the caterers on site at lunchtime and is closed for everything else. Others are doing voucher systems.

Why is it ok to laugh and take the piss out of certain groups but not others? If you reversed this about Chelsea Mai and Tyler going to Lidl and Butlins there would be outrage

Schools have put vouchers in place which are coming out of their own budgets since the government have made no provision whatsoever

Free school meals are already funded, so can't schools just use the money that would ordinarily be going towards the actual meals? We're having to pay for the premises officer and the catering, plus dinner ladies etc., but we were already going to do that anyway, had we been open as usual. The government have said they will compensate schools for any additional outgoings. Though at our school the savings on printing are probably going to outweigh the additional costs!

Ooh quasimodo, you're upsetting the aspirationals. Mumsnet needs one of those dodgy ads from the Olden Days, 'GSOH essential'. Like this moaners.

Shaznay? Keith? I'm having trouble imaging those two having school-age kids at all- surely they're in their fifties at least?

My ex is called Keith - he’s 34.

Quasimodo, I'd love to hear more about the Everyday Life of the Upper Class, please. I'm already invested in the goings on of the Everyday Life of Country Folk on r4 so this will be a great counterbalance

@amusedbush

It's not a stereotypical name for someone that age though. And if the PP is going for stereotypes, the name should be very obviously 20-something. I have no idea what that would be, but it's not Keith.