DH not helping

[helppleaseDH]

I am currently juggling looking after a 1 year old and a 4 year old with working full time in a busy financial services job and home schooling the 4 year old.
My DH also works full time in a busy financial services job but he is doing nothing to help with the kids. Occasionally he puts the 4 year old to bed. If I need to do a work call that I cannot have the kids on with me, he will watch them for the duration of the call and no longer. If I have to shower I have to put the baby in his cot to cry because DH will not watch him. I am of course doing all cooking and cleaning as well.

Is anyone else experiencing this? I know it isn't right and we have a lot of issues and I have tried to address it but it doesn't help.

Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can cope during this period of the the kids not being able to go to school or childminders? I am feeling very low and need some support.

What normally happens? Is that is your normal household dynamic?

If not, just tell him he needs to take on his fair share now you are both wfh and kids are there.

If it is the norm, where you have accepted doing all the 'womans work' for years it will be much harder to suddenly change. But that doesn't mean it shouldnt, just that there will be more resistance from him to give up having a servant on hand and unlikely to change overnight.

Have you told him he needs to do his fair share?

Yes and he doesn't agree and it ends up with him shouting at me.

Tbh OP your DP sounds like a prick.

How dare he shout at you because you’ve pointed out that he needs to do more childcare.

You need to split the childcare equally so you both have some uninterrupted time to work. One do mornings, the other afternoons, or alternate days or whatever works best.

Employers are having to be sympathetic to people who have no choice but combine caring responsibilities and their work, as best they can under the circumstances.

The parent doing the childcare takes DC out for fresh air some of the time. Forget trying to homeschool the 4 YO for now.

Did it not occur to him that he would need to look after his DC? What would he do if you went into hospital, or God forbid, died? Why is he not doing his share of cooking and cleaning if you are both working too?

Down tools. Stop all domestic services. He can do his own washing, cooking, ironing - in fact EVERYTHING that you do for him just STOP.

Marriage is supposed to be about teamwork, not about a woman going into a life of servitude.

Do also go out for your daily exercise walk on your own, leaving him to look after the kids. This is NOT babysitting. They are HIS children.

And if he shouts at you call him out on it. Wanker.

Ask him if he wants to do the 8 till 12 shift or the 1 till 4 shift with the kids.

Whether he wants to make lunch or dinner.

Because those are the options! What a twat.

How come his busy financial services job is more important than your busy financial services job? I bet you're senior to him.

I'm working fewer hours and in a different pattern, DH is still FT. Even then he takes DS until 8am so I can work and does bedtime most nights.

Can you take it in turns to do some work early?

Lower expectations for meals. Which you can BOTH cook.
Your 4yo presumably only started school this year? Don't worry about home schooling for now.

Agree with ditching the homeschooling for the 4yo, honestly it will be fine.

Personally, I think it's about a lack of respect. He doesn't seem to respect you; your need for a break; your job. I'd find that deeply unattractive.

I tend to use a task A or task B question. Makes DH/kids/whoever choose one or the other. Or I say, "please do A while I do B".

So he has zero respect for you - is this a new thing and what are you going to do about it?