Work group chat anxiety. Am I rude for not responding

[assburgers1]

(I feel so pathetic just typing this, I went as far as name changing. Also, don’t want to drip feed so possibly worth mentioning I’m autistic and always overthink these things)

I have bad social anxiety so I’ve never managed to befriend my work colleagues.

We’ve never said anything rude to each other, and can talk politely about work related tasks but it’s clear I’m the odd one/ weakest link of the group

My team at work (3 others) have recently added me to their WhatsApp group chat because of the lockdown. Understandably, they’ve been msging each other a lot recently (just general chit chat, unrelated to work).

As I rarely used to chat with them outside of work related topics, and very basic small talk I feel foolish if I were to suddenly start joining in. (Especially as when this all blows over, I’d be back to my awkward self at the office) Almost like a keyboard warrior? But at the same time I worry I seem very rude for not responding

I purposely haven’t clicked/opened the chat so they won’t get the blue ticks from me. (I can still see from banner notifications though)

I’m genuinely thinking of leaving my job, as the social side of work is just so exhausting for me

I don't respond to my co workers, or at least very little. It doesn't bother me or them, they are quite happy chatting away to each other. Don't over think it.

Why not just pop a v short message on, hard to say what as I don't know what the last message was! But something like "hope you are all ok"

Do you want to chat with them via what’s app?

I wonder if you could just let them know that you suffer from social anxiety in person, but this is way easier for you to manage, and would they mind if you joined in? I'm sure they wouldn't and perhaps it might make things easier when you go back to work?

I told my workplace my phone was too old to cope with WhatsApp. They looked me like I’d gone off but I have no regrets. I’m currently stuck in a painful conference call, tuning out and mumsnetting. Nobody has noticed!

OP they HAVE added YOU to the whatsapp group. They wouldnt have added you if they didnt like you or think you wouldnt contribute. I know what it is like to overthink all social interactions and how utterly exhausting it all can be. Read the message if you wish and no rules saying you have to comment if you dont want to as generally these things don't usually require an answer; people just comment if they want to. When back in the office people will just be glad to be bach to normal and that them and their families are all okay, they wont be thinking about some message you did or did not send. People are far too wrapped up in themselves and their own lives to worry about what you're doing. I mean the latter in the nicest possible way and it's what I tell myself when I overthink things too

ArseholesOnToast you're not talking to my dh are you?!

Yesterdayforgotten I might well be although I’m sure there are many, many painful conference calls going on 😂

Don't leave your job over this! If they are happy to chat among themselves, then they will just get on with that and they won't mind you not replying. Equally, you wouldn't look foolish at all if you did decide to contribute. I'm sure they are being kind and didn't want to leave you out.

If they are just involved in general chat, then that's surely about as harmless as it gets. If you'd said they were bitching about people or deliberately leaving you out, that's unacceptable, but it sounds like they are a pretty benign team of people.

You don't need to do any more than the occasional "Hope everyone is keeping well, isn't the sunshine nice, it's keeping my spirits up". Anything just to show you're in the team without getting too involved.

OP they HAVE added YOU to the whatsapp group. They wouldnt have added you if they didnt like you or think you wouldnt contribute.

I think this is the important bit. We often hear of people being excluded by their coworkers, but yours have included you. They clearly care about you. You wouldn't want them to be worried about you if they didn't hear from you. Just send a general reply, depending, as a pp has said, what the most recent message.

ArseholesOnToast haha yes I see dh rolling his eyes as I bring him some food; pulling teeth..

I'm on a random WhatsApp group and chip in/out. No-one seems to take offence. I guess I was the slightly odd one out in that group but they still seem to like me. I guess, looking at the other side, because I tend to do my own thing, I'm not massively needy on the group either. Maybe that's why they like me???

However, I know what you mean. The other lady in my office has added me on a group video conferencing thing. It's going to be so awkward but we get on okay so hoping I can pull off 15mins of random chat.

I'm like this with the parents WhatsApp group for my son's class. Although he's been at school for 3 years there are many parents I've never spoken to at all (due to my shyness)! However I'm in the WhatsApp group and joining in whole heartedly. I thought maybe they might get a better impression of me and it'll be easier to talk whenever I do see them again. Just join in!

If you feel like responding perhaps say "thank you for adding me I really appreciate it. As you know my autism presents me with many challenges so although I might not post, I am reading, and you are helping make my world that little bit better just now"

I’d just not join in, you can still read the messages, I’m sure they know how you are now, so please don’t think you need to leave your job over this
We need all sorts in the world
So good luck op and please don’t worry about this 💐

I like TARSCOUT’S suggestion.

Loads of introverts are like this and most people know that! Comment away!

If you feel you have to contribute, post a funny meme occasionally or something. My department were evidently chatting today, 20 messages when I checked, but my phone is on silent all day-teacher habit!

I don’t let a WhatsApp group dictate to me, and you don’t have to join in if you don’t want to, maybe a message every few days to let them know you’re still alive if you’re all wfh.

Don't over think it. If it's just general chit chat I'd just respond if someone posts eg 'is everyone OK'. Just respond something like 'hi, yes I'm OK, hows everyone getting on with being at home all the time?' And don't over think any response either. And you don't need to respond every time there's a conversation either.

I’ve added a couple of people to ours in the last few days. It’s not problem if they don’t comment but I would never want them to feel left out. If it’s you, don’t worry! You’re taking up the same position as you do in the office: quiet but valued.

I'm in lots of groups, I don't think anyone minds when people don't join in. Maybe just respond with an emoji now and then, a smile or a thumbs up or similar. If you're scared of cross posting you can reply directly to one comment by pressing it for a couple of seconds.