Education worries

[Ivebeentohellanditscalledikea]

Hi all sorry if this is the wrong place. I'm really struggling with my middle son 12 who is refusing to do any schoolwork. He has is going through diagnosis for ASD and goes to mainstream school. My problem is he freaks out when he sees large amounts of work. For his SATs he was given extra time and a teacher sat and uncovered one question at a time for him. Now he's in secondary school and they are sending his work through a homework app and he has a list of things to do (about 25) that open into more lists of documents and he's just point blank refusing to do it. If I offer to help he screams at me and throws things plus he's completely fixated on the fact that they don't have due dates on each task like the homework on there usually does.

I just don't know what to do I know there are more important things at the moment but he's already falling behind at school and it's just going to get worse. Especially as the school are sending 5 more lessons every day.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking for just needed to let it out somewhere really.

Contact his head of year, the sendco as well if you have their contact information. Explain the situation and that you will do your best, as well as your fears about him falling further behind. But beyond that, just do your best!

If you are able to print some off and give them a 'due date', great. It's a simple solution to what seems like an insurmountable problem. Even get the school to print it off and send home so you can filter it down into smaller pieces, so it doesn't look so visually overwhelming. But most of all, don't make it a battle between the two of you.

I have 1 out of 4 who is definitely resisting the idea of doing school work at home - he doesn't do homework because school is for work and home is for fun. I have managed to get him to do some maths, because he enjoys it and I have let his teacher (primary school and also the sendco) know and she has suggested some tips to try using his interests. But importantly, she has said as long as we are safe and well, everything else can come later.

You won't be the only parent in your school going through this right now but secondary parents tend to talk to each other less than primary parents so you feel like you are all alone.

(parent of 4, 2 diagnosed ADHD and 1 of those suspected ASD. LSA in a secondary school for all of a week and a bit before shutdown).

Thank you so much. I don't think it's helping how stressed I am at the moment either. I just feel so cut off from the world. Plus trying to sort out my work is all getting to me. Pathetic I know.

As suggested if you contact his SENCO, Head of year and/or form tutor and explain the situation, they should hopefully be able to help.
It might work better if the work is sent to you first, then you can try and break it down into more manageable chunks. If your DS likes routines then try and stick to the normal timetable for work to be done.
Lastly, don't worry too much. This is just unknown territory and I should imagine lots of children/teenagers will be in the same position and finding it hard to work from home. I'm sure school will help them catch up when everything goes back to normal.

So update. He will now do maths and that's it. I have contacted every teacher and explained and senco who said to tell him to do one thing at a time which I was already doing but he is refusing. He smashed up my living room this morning. I tried to help him and he still got really angry. I just don't know what else to do with him. His anxiety is through the roof and I feel like all the hard work we had put to help which has been working for the last couple of years has gone out the window. It's affecting my other twos learning as well.

Stop the work entirely. Put no pressure on him. His mental health is more important. I say this as someone who's been there! I have two children who can't cope in the school system due to ASD. When anxiety is high he won't be getting anything out of the work anyway. Allow him just to be for now. Education can happen at any time and education happens in MANY more ways than school and formal lessons. He can't do anything without his mental well-being intact!

Very true. Only thing is the work is just piling up so when he does decide to do it there is going to be so much work he will get overwhelmed again. They are adding 5 a day plus homework and expecting them to have zoom lessons (which he is refusing). I'm just worried how behind he is getting.

You tell the school he's not doing it. He will do what he can when he can. That he's overwhelmed and you're putting his mental health first. During this time the school work is optional anyway. For my school going yr3 child I'm not doing any of the school set stuff. I home Ed 3 of my children and I've just used resources I know and can fit in with the others. I have one who is very demand avoidant and I have to use different strategies every week to get her to do anything that would be classes as formal. At the moment she's using Adventure Academy, which is an American online curriculum. Out his mental health and that of the family first!! Xxx

And stop worrying about how behind he's getting...he's an individual and educational is continuous not finite. He has to work within his own disabilities, constraints, abilities etc. Actually school is meant to do this but they're usually absolutely awful at actually doing it!

Thank you for your reply. The school haven't been very helpful because at school he is very compliant and just keeps his head down so they don't know the side of him where he fights any demand put to him (even showering).

I am a bit of a stickler to rules so I worry about him getting into trouble more than he does. Looking at it written down things really do need to change dont they for everyone's mental health. Plus for our relationships.