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Original poster

Parents with shared custody coronavirus

21 replies

Wifeofbikerviking · 22/03/2020 22:30

Not me personally but my sister has shared custody of her daughter. So if lockdown happens, either her or her daughters father will have to not see their own child.
There are so many families like this. Anyone got advice or idea I can send her way? Shes worried lockdown will be announced when shes not got her daughter

OP posts:
Homemadearmy · 22/03/2020 22:36

It's not going to be a instant lock down. Do she really needs to talk to her ex and come up with a plan for who the little one stays with and get her back to that house when it's announced. And work out alternative contact in advance. Skype or facetime

Luunaa · 22/03/2020 22:40

I worry about this too but think taking a child in a car to their other parent will be ok?

NotReallyAMumButaDad · 22/03/2020 22:47

I’m worried about this too. We’ve agreed to lengthen our custody to a week each to reduce the number of hangovers. Should we be doing two weeks at a time? Should it be the entire “12 weeks”?

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Summerisdone · 22/03/2020 22:57

I'm presuming if the lockdown comes then it won't happen suddenly overnight, they'll probably give us at least 24 hour notice.
Your DSis needs to speak with her ex so they can agree if it does come then where will be best for the child given the circumstances, take into account if either are key workers or if they live with a key worker; personally I'd prefer my child not to be sharing a home with someone having to leave the house, especially frontline NHS staff if it could be helped. If they're not key workers but one will still be wfh and the other won't, then again I'd think it would make sense that the one not working during a lockdown would have the child stay with them as they're not going to have to multitask childcare and work at the same time.
They'll obviously be a few other things to consider that are also personal circumstances to themselves, but with a discussion they should be able to figure out where is more suitable for the child to stay for the duration of the lockdown.

I've had the same conversation with my ex today, luckily ours was quite straightforward as the ex works in a call centre for a broadband company. He usually is sales but given the times they've moved everybody into customer service and he will be required to continue working for the foreseeable, as customers cannot at this time afford to have any issues with their broadband connections.

Original poster
Wifeofbikerviking · 23/03/2020 06:50

Thank you, will show my sister this thread

OP posts:
baffledbat · 23/03/2020 08:49

They stay with the more responsible parent - so my nephew is with his Dad because his Mum took him out on Friday to an escape room and for a meal afterwards Shock

debbs77 · 23/03/2020 09:01

With my partners daughter we are doing a week with us, week with her mum. With a strict understanding of isolation etc. His daughter has been given all the facts to know that this is a dangerous virus, and if either household breaks the rules then she won't be allowed back there until it is all over.

My children aren't seeing their dad at all as he travels down from London, doesn't have a place to live and therefore nowhere to take them. It is just a day a fortnight and he is happy to leave it for now, with facetime calls twice a week

shitwithsugaron · 23/03/2020 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jennylindinha · 23/03/2020 11:41

This is a concern for me too. DD's dad lives 10 minutes walk away and we are both working from home and obviously socially distancing, so I hope she can continue to go between both houses - but if it gets really strict then we'll have to decide... Presumably if we go by car or carefully by bike/scooter it will be okay? I guess we have to see what the rules are when it is announced!

Iwantacookie · 23/03/2020 11:48

I have the same issue. Ds1 and dd dad lives with his dad who is in the vulnerable group but insists his grandchildren go round and has told them both they can stay there if needs be. So that's not helping me.
Because they are old enough to take themselves to their dads it's hard for them because they leave some work here some there and have to make sure they have enough.

NotReallyAMumButaDad · 23/03/2020 22:07

We agreed to only do our handovers (not hangovers as I previously misspelled!) every two weeks. We’re both isolating in our homes so this would be responsible to allow for any potential infection. That was this afternoon.

Now we’re on lockdown so now what? Will there be guidance for shared custody or will the children not see their mother until lockdown is eased?

tigerbear · 23/03/2020 22:12

@NotReallyAMumButaDad
Not a clue. We have 50/50 residency, so not sure what to do.
Currently thinking that could be ok to drive DD to her dad’s when her time with us is up?
Both households have been isolating anyway, as DD’s dad has the virus.

sulkyswede · 24/03/2020 01:23

Both households have been isolating anyway, as DD’s dad has the virus

Then your DCs don't go, to send them would be the height of irresponsibility. I have refused to let my DCs go and if he wants to take me to court over it then he can try. They have both refused point blank to go and are of an age where the court will listen.

NohopeNochance · 24/03/2020 01:35

I’m having to force my ex to have the kids.....which isn’t out of the ordinary at the best of times!!

elshajd · 24/03/2020 07:48

Keep them home and keep them safe. Use FaceTime.

Whoareyoudududu · 24/03/2020 07:53

Keeping mine at home and exH is FaceTiming them a couple of times a week. We live 30 miles apart and he works in a high risk job, not worth the risk.

NotReallyAMumButaDad · 24/03/2020 08:04

Government have updated the guidance as to exceptions (gov.uk)

“ Where parents do not live in the same household, children under 18 can be moved between their parents’ homes”

I think if possible don’t move the children, but if it’s a shared residency then two weeks would be sensible to allow for anything to clear the body, unless someone shows symptoms, then start 14 days from that point in addition.

Looking at another thread on here, there are some very nasty, spiteful vindictive people on here which isn’t helpful at a time of high stress and uncertainty. Always refer to gov.uk in the first instance or another professional before exposing yourself to attack on here. Stay safe everyone

Parents with shared custody coronavirus
tigerbear · 24/03/2020 17:20

DD’s dad obviously isn’t expecting her to go back to his before the end of the 14 day quarantine, just to make it clear @sulkyswede. He’s not that stupid, thank god.

Emeralds1 · 29/03/2020 22:34

Hi all I’m hoping you can help, obviously separated from dad and my daughter has emphysema so she is high risk. He is 40 miles away living with his girlfriend (London) who is a key worker (nurse) and having other nurses staying over. He says in two weeks time he expects to have our daughter. I’m really stressed as we are self isolating bc of her emphysema which was recommended by her respiratory team, this breaks the self isolation. He’s sending me awful messages saying he has a legal right to see her, I know and we have been FaceTiming every day. Can I refuse on the grounds that she has a pre existing medical condition that puts her at risk and his girlfriend who he lives with is a key worker? I don’t want to argue or cause him distress as I know this isn’t ideal for anyone but I’m the one expected to work from home and home school, he’s not going to help and I’ll be buggered if he passed it onto both of us (low immune due to tumour last year) thoughts? X

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