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Struggling to help my friend. Don’t know what to do.

3 replies

NeedSomeAdvice111 · 13/03/2020 13:17

Wasn’t sure where to put this but am hoping someone can give me some advice. A friend of mine is currently 14 weeks pregnant; she found out when she was 6 weeks. The back story is that she had been in a casual relationship with a man for about eight months and he had always insisted it wasn’t a committed relationship, more of a friends with benefits type set up. Neither of them were using contraception.
Since finding out she’s pregnant, the guy has said he wants nothing to do with the child should she continue with the pregnancy but my friend cannot accept this. She has been contacting him sporadically to find out if he will change his mind - apparently now he’s ‘thinking about it.’
The problem I have is how to support my friend. She is NC with most of her family and since finding out about the pregnancy, she has relied heavily on me for emotional support, which I have not minded, except now I’m struggling. She calls every day and is sometimes on the phone for hours at a time and rehashes the same dilemma: she won’t terminate because she’s had one before and it affected her mental health, but she doesn’t want to continue with the pregnancy because she doesn’t have the support of the father. I’m at a loss as to what to say at this point. I won’t give my opinion as to what she should or shouldn’t do as I don’t feel it’s my place but she is becoming increasingly depressed.
I’ve advised her to see her GP and to see a counsellor, which she has done, but neither have helped apparently. I work full time and have a terminally ill DM, my life is pretty stressful at the moment. I will always help my friends where I can but I feel mentally drained from listening to my friend in this situation - if I can’t answer the phone straightaway or if it’s a few hours before I can reply to texts she gets snippy and asks why I’m ignoring her. It’s all too much. DP thinks I need to step back and is getting annoyed with how much this friend is emotionally dependent on me.
Does anyone have any advice on what I can do here please?

OP posts:
ChangeOfName2020 · 13/03/2020 13:59

Not been in your position but I'd adopt the same approach I was trained to do at work as a manager.

You're not a counsellor, and whilst you've been a great friend lending an ear and offering advice.... at some point you'll have done all you can do to help.

I'd explain that whilst I care very much for her as a friend I feel out of my depth advising on such a subject and she'd maybe benefit from talking it through with professionals. Not quite sure who the bodies would be without googling or someone else coming along here to advise. Send her the contact details maybe?

If it's emotionally draining you then your DP is right in you needing to take a step back.

sonjadog · 13/03/2020 14:06

I think your DP is right. Take a step back. You can still answer the phone but do it at a time that suits you. She will get snippy at first, but be breezy and busy and she will get used to it.

YogaLite · 13/03/2020 15:25

Maybe suggest she explores other options like adoption or fostering to give her something else to think about/other lines of support?

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