...and practical tips from those who have been there and got the T shirt would be very welcome!
I’ve got a just turned 2 year old DS and 2 week old DS. I really struggled with adjusting to becoming a mum last time round. I had a difficult pregnancy, awful birth that took a long time to recover from, and my DS was an unsettled baby who slept badly. I cried every day for months after he was born, couldn’t seem to find my feet as a mum and just got lower and more overwhelmed. The fog gradually started to lift in the last year- I got more sleep and became more confident as a mum the more I got to know DS. I have found it easier as he’s got older and can give me an idea of what’s bothering him when he’s upset. Little babies, on the other hand, terrify me- they are so small and vulnerable and I find it impossible to know what’s the matter when they cry.
Fast forward to now and I really hoped I’d be much more mellow second time around. But again I am crying every day, wondering what I’ve done and how will I cope.
The things that are particularly troubling me are:
- how to practically manage with taking out a spirited toddler and newborn. It feels really overwhelming and scary.
- how to do bedtime for the toddler whilst looking after newborn DS who wants to be held all the time. Had planned to pop newborn DS in a bouncy chair whilst I did bedtime but he cries whenever I put him in.
- Generally looking after toddler DS whilst breastfeeding newborn DS constantly.
I am feeling horrendous levels of guilt for bringing another child into the world when I am such a nervous wimp of a parent who could only just about manage with one DC. I really struggled for so long last time and, whilst I hoped I’d be more relaxed this time round, clearly that’s not the case and I now feel like I’ve been hugely selfish. I feel like a useless burden on DH too. I feel like he has fallen out of love with me.
I’m only two weeks into the sleep deprivation and I don’t know how I’m going to cope with the cumulative effect of no sleep whilst looking after my toddler.
Would love to hear from other second time (or third or fourth or fifth!) mums who are finding it really difficult. And any tips from those who have been there and successfully adjusted.
Toddler DS is in childcare twice a week. I don’t have any family locally for support. I am married but DH works long hours- at work before toddler DS wakes up and home after bedtime.