This may be long but I need help. My 2.5 year old DS is so aggressive with other children. He goes to a toddler group for 2 hours, 2 days a week with me one day and his granny another (I work 3 days). If another child comes anywhere near the toy he’s playing with or God forbid takes it, he lashes out - hitting and biting. And sometimes he just does it because he knows he’ll get a big reaction and thinks it’s funny. Every other child (group of 6) was in tears today because of him.
I watch him like a hawk but sometimes this happens when I am comforting the child he has just hurt - he’s moved onto someone else. I say a firm NO, move him away, comfort the other child and explain how hitting is sore and upsets his friends. I have started putting him in his buggy for time out, and did this 4 times today.
Everyone at the group is very kind and understanding but their kids should not be collateral damage in my child’s development. I never wanted to just remove him altogether because I feel like if he just continues to spend time with me or his grandparents this won’t ever get better.
We had a behavioural visit from a nursery nurse sent by the HV team but it was useless. She just wanted to focus on the fact that he screamed and tantrummed when she entered the house and made us ignore him until he calmed down (which he didn’t until she left). He often screams at adult strangers if they try to talk to him and I know this is awful but I don’t think it should take priority over him hitting other kids.
I’ve read all the ‘good’ books - How To Talk, Sarah Ockwell Smith, Philippa Perry, but nothing helps. People say remember you’re playing a long game here but I do not want other children getting hurt in the process.
I have told him that next time he hits at the group then we are leaving straight away. Part of me thinks he’d be fine with this because he’d have me all to himself again so it may not discourage the behaviour but I don’t know what else to do.
I feel like I have no model to work from as my own mum’s anger went from 0-100 in a second. I’d get harsh punishments for really minor things and have struggled with anxiety since childhood. With the books I’d read, I was so worried that doing things like time out, isolating him, instead of ‘time in’ with lots of cuddles, would cause him to develop anxiety. But I have no other choice now.
Any advice would be much appreciated. I feel like there is definitely something wrong here but the HV and team won’t acknowledge this.