Family split

[Julesyorks]

My two children 13 & 15 split their time equally between me and their dad. I love them unconditionally. I however feel I have to move away and start a new life as there is too much painful history here (not my home town) for me (detailed and complicated). My children are reluctant. I don't want to force them. Its 100 miles away and they can see their dad lots. Equally they could see me lots. I really don't know what to do but do know staying here is damaging me which can only end up having an impact on my girls. Has anyone ever left their children with their dad/mum to start afresh? I don't want to seem harsh or callous. Any advice much appreciated.

I'm moving away although my kids are young adults, one is fine with it the other is super annoyed at having to live with her father (she could just move out but she prefers the easy life of living at home). It's a very difficult decision and important to talk to your children about their options

I think you need counselling rather than moving.

I think is fair enough to want to move away.
How are you proposing the childcare would be spilt?
Would the dc be happy to stay with their dad? Is he happy to have them full time?

I think 13 & 15 is not a great age educationally to be moving away. You could just about do it this summer if 15yo is y11 and 13yo is y8. But if they are y10 and y9 then it could be very disruptive.

Don't move teenagers. It's the hardest age to be uprooted. Try to find coping mechanisms for five more years. I know that's not easy, but they need you to put them first. They seem all grown up and independent sometimes, but they really need you still.

No.
You can’t do that.
I’m sorry op but you must put yourself on hold for at least the next 5 years.
You’ll have the rest of your life to move anywhere in the world you want
Your daughters needyou

Yeah. Sorry you'll need to stay - they need stability with schools, friends etc. How far away do you and your ex live from each other?

I wanted to move back to my hometown (1hr 10min drive away, 1hr 30min public transport) but I can't - have 50/50 and when I suggested it to ex he threatened to go for full custody to keep kids in same schools, area etc.

@dowser and others, that’s not really fair. Putting herself on hold for the next 5 years may break her. I think sometimes children need to adapt to what their parents need in order to keep a stable home for everyone overall. The OP shouldn’t have to martyr herself for children.

They will see it as you abandoning them if you move and leave them with their dad. No matter how much you let them visit. I couldn't do it.

Sorry you are in this position. No advice really. Didn't want to read and run.