TTC after late miscarriage/second trimester loss

[Ripple2020]

Hi All,
Looking for women in a similar situation to me, to hopefully help and support each toner on this difficult journey.
I lost my little boy in November at 20 weeks. A routine scan showed his heart had stopped beating and I had to deliver him 2 days later. Results later came back to say there was a significant bleed behind my placenta.
My heart is completely broken beyond words, however I do find like the pain has found its place in me now and I have been feeling a lot stronger lately.
Physically I think(hope) I have recovered well, I have just finished my 3rd period and have stocked up on OPKs to try to maximise my chance of conceiving. I do spot a few days before my period now which bothers me, scans have all come back clear.
This will be my third month TTC so I suppose I’m just hoping to hear other women’s experiences as I feel very fearful that I may not become pregnant again-no real reason to feel this but I guess I’m just constantly expecting the worst these days. I conceived my beautiful boy my second month trying.
I miss him terribly and in no way am trying to replace him but I need to fill my arms.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my second baby at 16 weeks, was never given a reason for it sadly. I lost the baby in June and was pregnant again in September to my daughter who is 4 now. I am not saying it will happen that quickly but keep holding out hope. I know how hard it is when you want to be pregnant again so desperately.

Hi Ripple, I’m so sorry for your loss of your little boy. I’ve been through something very similar and it was just horrific.

Once we decided to TTC again it took a few months (maybe three or four cycles I think) but I did get pregnant again - I was terrified and I found the pregnancy very stressful, but in all honesty it was actually extremely smooth and my second DD was born safe and well - no problems at all.

When I was in that place between losing my baby and giving birth to my ‘rainbow’ baby, I honestly thought I would never come through it. My mental health was pushed to its limits and at times I doubted that I would ever recover. BUT, somehow you DO start to heal, and having another baby definitely pushes that process on.

Not sure if it’s your cup of tea but I found acupuncture really good - someone recommended it to me and I had treatment while TTC and then to support my pregnancy and I felt that really helped. Even if only to keep my emotions on a vaguely even keel!

I just couldn’t see it at the time but there was a really bright future ahead of me if I could just keep going - and that will be the case for you too, hang in there, I promise it will be worth it.

Absolutely welcome to PM me if you ever want to chat.

Thanks so much ladies. I can’t explain what a relief it is hearing positive outcomes.
I’ve been torturing myself on google and focusing on the terrible stories of women who couldn’t conceive again afterwards. It’s just lovely to have hope.

I had a meeting with the pregnancy loss unit recently and they’ve put me on a higher dose of folic acid and prescribed aspirin that I’m to take as soon as I get a positive test. I feel good that they put a plan in place and were talking about the future with me-that I actually may have one.

@goodnighttv the limbo between the loss and waiting to become pregnant is just unbelievable, I feel exhausted from all of the emotions. It’s just constantly there and feels like there’s no escaping it.

I know another pregnancy will be extremely difficult but I think I’ll honestly just feel so grateful to have even a chance again.
I have heard other women speaking very highly of the acupuncture and I think I will try to find somewhere that I could at least try it out.

I’m so sorry for your losses and I honestly can’t thank ye enough for taking the time to share yer experience with me, I really needed it today.🤞🏼❤️

I'm another who had a loss at 16 weeks. Found out at check up there was no heartbeat and delivered 2 days later.
That was the April and I conceived again in the September and now have an amazing 5 year old girl.
Good luck. And be kind to yiurself.

Ripple I had the high dose folic acid and aspirin too, they have amazing results with aspirin now, even as I was starting my protocol (which was a few years ago) new developments were emerging on how it could help women who had previously experienced loss in pregnancy.

I felt exactly the same as you. There is a fantastic blog written by a girl called Michelle Cottle, she is a clinical psychologist whose first baby, Orla, was stillborn, and she has lots of beautifully written and honest posts talking about her experiences and also giving insight from the point of view of a mental health professional. I found her writing so helpful at the time, particularly around the topic of TTC and pregnancy after loss. It’s fromtheotherchair.co.uk in case you wanted to have a look.

For all the ladies on this thread who have lost babies, sad and shocking that it’s so common.

We lost our baby at 18 weeks and I was pregnant again by second cycle after I'd had her. I was very worried but the hospital we're very good and I had regular scans to keep an eye on things.

Take the time you need though, but Ido understand that need to be pregnant again xx

@Norma27 that gives me so much hope, thank you. I feel like a lot of people were trying to be nice and telling me how “fertile I’d be after loss”(trying to be kind and positive of course) but I guess I half expected it to happen the first month.

@Jelly0naplate that’s amazing, your body must have bounced back very quickly. It’s great to hear about the care given in subsequent pregnancies, I switched doctors recently as didn’t have a great experience with mine through my last pregnancy and they’re fantastic so I feel very confident in their care if I get lucky to fall pregnant again.

@Goodnighttv I couldn’t believe the solution was aspirin, I’ve read about it since and I’m so thankful that I’ll be given it-if anything at least it will make me feel like I’m doing something to better my chances. Do you mind if I ask, did they ever give you a reason for what happened?
I’m going to check out her blog tonight, sounds like something I’d be very interested in.
I didn’t know if I was expecting anyone to write back to me today and if they did I didn’t know if it would make me feel better or worse but yer comments have really really helped me.
I hope I’ll be in a similar position to you all someday with my rainbow baby and be able to help another woman with a positive outcome story too❤️

I've been there. Not as far along, I was nearly 15 weeks. That was hard enough, after seeing him (I had a boy too) on the scan, let alone having to endure what you did.

I've had a baby since (another boy!)

For me the healing process took a bit of self destruction, and gently piecing back together with the help of a counsellor before another baby entered my mind.

Good luck with the future I just wanted to sympathise.

I lost a baby at 18 weeks. Got pregnant 2nd cycle after that (aged 37). DD is perfectly healthy, I had an easy pregnancy.

Nothing will replace the little boy I lost. I think of him everyday.

The fact that I delivered him, said goodbye, gave him a name and held a funeral was helpful IMO. There was never any confusion between my two babies (even though it felt like the longest pregnancy ever).

Good luck

@Ripple2020 Our daughter’s post-mortem showed that she had been healthy; the cause was placental failure. Devastating. The consultant who went through those results with us suggested pushing for a thrombophilia screen, which is a set of blood tests they sometimes offer to patients who have recurrent miscarriages - to check if you have any underlying disorders that make you more prone to blood clots. As it was, something flagged up on that for me, so they prescribed blood thinning injections alongside the aspirin. I think they also had me on high strength vitamin D.

I was a nervous wreck throughout my next pregnancy but I really trusted the combination of drugs and, really, now I look back, it was a very straightforward pregnancy, despite being labelled “high risk”.

The Tommy’s charity website also have loads of positive stories from women who go on to have healthy pregnancies following loss, if you felt up to having a read.

It’s such an awful time, I remember it clearly (my DC is a toddler now so it feels very recent and a million years ago, all at once) - I’m really glad you’ve found the replies here to be of some comfort. I remember sitting in the hospital feeling like our whole lives had fallen apart, and yet less than a year and a half later I was walking out of the same hospital holding my beautiful rainbow DD. We will never ever forget our first DD but in so many ways I feel like she watches over her sister.

You will look back when your arms are full again and be so glad you found the strength to keep going. ❤️

@Goodnighttv apologies for the late reply, between this coronavirus panic(hope everyone’s staying safe😊)and TTC it’s been a busy week!
It’s my fertile week at the moment and I just got my peak today on 2 different OPKs so we’ve been able to the deed the past 2 days and have a weekend booked away to try to seal the deal😊 I’ve a good feeling but trying to not let myself get my hopes up.
Thanks so much again, I hugely appreciate the hope you’ve given me, honestly, I think I’ll read these comments over and over again till I get that positive test🤞🏼
I’ll pop on to update if I get good news this month🤞🏼X

I also found out at my 20 week scan that my baby had passed away. It was such a difficult time and all I could focus on was getting pregnant again I just felt so raw and exposed and was surrounded by very pregnant friends . It took a little while for my periods to return to normal but I went on to have a very straightforward pregnancy and beautiful little girl. I was anxious until I could feel the baby moving in my tummy and paid for some extra scans for reassurance which did help. Wishing you all the luck ttc

Thank you @Robertwars. So sorry for your loss but so nice to hear you got your rainbow in the end. I will be testing in a week so trying to keep busy🤞🏼thank you for taking the time to share your story, it really makes me so hopeful and calms me hearing other women have had happier days🌈x

Hi I know this thread is old but I just wondered how the op was getting on? Breaks my heart reading these stories I’m there myself 2 weeks ago we lost our little girl at 16+2. Beyond devastated. Need to get pregnant again it’s the only thing that will soothe my pain.

Hi @StillStandin I was surprised to get an email notification about a comment here but hope you get some comfort from this thread☺️I remember hating not seeing updates on how people were getting on further on down the line and have meant to update this once or twice! So I conceived on month 5 after losing my son(it felt like an eternity and I had myself convinced it would never happen for me!) but currently sat in bed next to my son who turns 18 months soon....plus 16 weeks pregnant again!😅Pregnancy after loss is another ordeal in itself but everything was "normal" and although nothing will ever fully take the pain away it definitely does soften the blow! I'm so sorry about your recent loss, the first few months after I lost our boy were so dark, it's an indescribable pain and I still cry from time to time but not all day everyday like I used to...it will get easier I promise you that! 💐 don't give up hope, brighter days are ahead, grieve - you absolutely have to just wake up each morning and roll with it, whatever you're feeling let it be and don't fight it, it's an enormous loss you've had! Hope this all helps☺️

Thank you so much, so thoughtful and kind of you to post your update after all this time.
what a huge blessing having your little one and expecting again 🤗 many congratulations to you.
it really is such a shocking situation to be in, I still can’t quite believe it’s happened to me, we are awaiting our results from the post mortem to find out any answers, if we can get any. But I am prepared either way. My only focus is trying again, I have had healthy babies in the past so I’m holding onto this positive, I am 38 now though and the pregnancy I just lost took a while to conceive, but I can’t go down that route of what ifs, I have to stay in the positive, I did get pregnant naturally and I will again.
I just long to hold my healthy baby.
I had a first trimester loss (mmc) 4 years ago, then got pregnant with my son 3 months after d&c, he turns 3 in a few weeks time.
Soooo wanted his little sibling, my last baby. Unfortunately this happened after getting the all clear at the 12 week scan and low risk for all the trisomy’s, biggest shock of my life when they said there’s no heartbeat 😔 at 16 weeks.
I will feel like the luckiest person in this world when I bring my baby home.
Thank you for this thread it’s really helped me connect with other similar stories.
Enjoy your little darlings you deserve every happiness 🥰

Hi. I know this is an old post but I just wondered how everyone is doing? My husband and I lost our twin boys on Boxing Day a few months ago. They were 22 weeks old. We’ve started trying again but my luteal phase seems very short (8 days) so I guess my body is still settling! All we want is a family. We had an early loss last March and then it took 5 months to conceive and we’re thrilled when it was twins so we are heartbroken to have lost our boys. Any positive stories are really needed. 💙💙

Hi my love I’m so sorry for your losses 💔
it’s been nearly 4 years since I lost my little girl. My story is that I did go on to have a healthy baby boy, he is now 2yrs 5 mths. I feel beyond blessed to have had him. It took me 4 years to conceive, I had 6 months of ovulation induction and 2 rounds of ivf. I also separated from my partner when we lost our baby, lots of reasons but it all became too much. I parent solo now and I am so happy. It’s an awful experience to go through having a late loss as I remember thinking all would be ok now I have got past the first trimester, it really knocks you for six. Take care of yourself as best as you can and find people who are easy to talk to. I think about my little girl everyday and I wanted to talk about her.
I had acupuncture to help with short luteal phase. Many times I felt like throwing the towel in but I’m so glad I kept trying. It will happen for you too. There is life and hope after baby loss. Sending you lots of love and strength and RIP to your little angel boys. ❤️ all the best for your onward journey.

Sorry forgot to add that I gave birth 4 months before I turned 40, you haven’t mentioned age but that was not on my side and I still managed to have a healthy baby. Hope this brings you some positivity. I remember reading everyone’s stories when I was in the middle of it and it helped me so much.