Tearful, anxious and intrusive thoughts.

[Lausch95]

Hello,
Not sure where to post this so apologies if it's in the wrong section.
I've suffered from anxiety all my life, it was mild throughout my childhood and teens and didn't really bother me much but since having my last child in 2014 it has reared its head a lot more. I had the baby blues after having my son and mood swings which I know are very common in the weeks after the birth. I didn't feel depressed as such, just anxious. I used to lie awake fretting about my baby stopping breathing and worrying if someone would be cruel to him or hurt him (irrational thoughts). It was as if his birth really kick started this awful anxiety. I was able to recognise that these were just silly thoughts and knew logically that my son would be fine.
So fast forward to now. These last few days I've felt fine and positive but suddenly for no reason I feel like crying, feel overwhelmingly sad, panicky, anxious and very lonely and isolated with my thoughts. I'll suddenly imagine horrible scenarios and then be very distressed about them. I'll suddenly remember a sad or upsetting life event from the past and it my mind will replay it for me and I'll relive the bad memories again and again. I'll remember my Nana dying in agony from cancer when when I was a young child. Suddenly it will all come flooding back.
There's nothing that's triggered this that I can think of. I'm puzzled why I suddenly feel this.
I've been to the GP several times since 2014 and been prescribed various tablets (amytriptaline, citalopram, sertraline... Spellings?) but none seemed to help and citalopram made me more anxious.
I feel very lonely and isolated, it's hard to explain.
I fe desperately sad tonight but nothing has happened to make me feel this?!
Anyone else had a similar thing? Thank you

Hi @Lausch95, really sorry you're feeling this way! When I saw you mention 'intrusive thoughts' in your title I clicked on your thread in case there was something I could say to help. I'm not a mother yet but around 4 years ago I developed OCD and low moods on top of existing anxiety which was present during my teenage years. In the beginning I suffered awful intrusive thoughts that made me fear having children, and the intrusive thoughts you describe, I had with my family and my husband. I tried medication once, a liquid version, due to a fear of swallowing tablets but it was so foul, I wasn't about to do that every day. Unfortunately I can't comment on medication... but something I saw you didn't mention was therapy in your thread. I wondered if you had tried it, or are yet to try it?

I have found therapy to be so so helpful for me personally. I'm so glad you have approached your GP, it can be hard to make a step like that, but it seems you've recognised you need help. If it's appropriate for you and what you're going through, have you thought about therapy? CBT is the therapy found to be best for what I struggle with, mainly intrusive thoughts, and it has taken a few years but I'm so happy with the improvements I've made. I have learnt tools to handle upsetting or stressful situations, understanding intrusive thoughts, why they're happening and that they don't reflect me as a person, and even better, they don't really affect me anymore, I don't have those huge emotional reactions to the thoughts anymore. Having children has gone from one of my biggest fears to something me and my husband are talking about as something in the very near future for us.

I didn't want to talk too much about myself, but just show you some support, and let you know although all of our experiences with anxiety, low mood and intrusive thoughts are different, we're not alone. Keep us updated if you decide to give therapy a try (or if you have already done) x