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Original poster

I don't know how to react

18 replies

Cutmylifeintopizza · 08/03/2020 22:32

Name change been around for a while penis beaker, cutter up pear etc.

Been thrown a curve ball tonight and don't know what to do, if anything.

Background.

When I was an under age teen, i was groomed & raped by a much older man. This rape resulted in pregnancy, I kept the baby.
I raised her for the last 21 years. "Father" had no input in either of our lives. Have never come into contact with him or his family for DD entire life, she knows her history but has never been interested in contacting him.

Tonight's issue

He has just friend requested me on fb. Obviously I don't want to be friends but do I just delete & block, do I ask what he is hoping to achieve by befriending me (I mean wtf does he want?). Do I tell my daughter?

OP posts:
stophuggingme · 08/03/2020 22:41

I’m so sorry
Does he know that you had a child?
If so That is an outrageous but I suspect quite studied and deliberate attempt to unsettle you.
Was he convicted or charged with what he did to you as surely this sort of thing can have consequences

No, I would not tell your daughter, particularly given her stance.

I hope he crawls back under his rock Flowers

RoscoePColtrane · 08/03/2020 22:43

That's shit, I am sorry. I would be inclined to just block and ignore and say nothing to dc. If he wanted to contact her now she is an adult he could try, but I certainly would not be facilitating the twat if I were you. I think telling her makes him a hot topic, even for a short period and he doesn't deserve the air time or any upset it may cause her.

willowpatterns · 08/03/2020 22:44

He is a paedophile and a rapist. Don't tell her.

LemonFrenzy · 08/03/2020 22:45

You don't have to do anything for now until you're sure what you want to do. Must be so awful for you him contacting you. No advice but I'm sure someone will be along soon with some. Just didn't want to read and run.

Original poster
Cutmylifeintopizza · 08/03/2020 22:45

Thank you for replying.
Yes he knows, DNA testing was used to convict him. He was sented to 3 years I believe. So has been out for at least 17 years.
I'm sitting here wondering why? Why now? Why at all?

OP posts:
FlamingoAndJohn · 08/03/2020 22:47

Block and ignore.

He possibly doesn’t see anything wrong in what he did.

What would your daughter gain from knowing this. Very little I suspect. No point in telling her.

Bluntness100 · 08/03/2020 22:49

Just block him op and don’t tell your daughter. He’s a convicted paedophile. No good will come of it.

Costacoffeeplease · 08/03/2020 22:52

Block and ignore, why would you want to be in contact with him?

artio0 · 08/03/2020 22:53

Mmmh na, stay away, ignore / block. He wants contact, why give him what he wants? By letting him into your life, even if it's just FB, you're giving him a certain power over you, he doesn't sound like he should be allowed that. He made a decision years ago and he has to live with it, just like you have to live with the memory of it. Please be careful.

Geneshish · 08/03/2020 22:53

Is this not a police matter? I'm no expert but surely a convicted rapist would not be allowed to contact his victim? I would phone 111 to report this.

Paddingtonthebear · 08/03/2020 22:55

I would report to police and then block. I wouldn’t mention to your daughter.

I’m sorry you are having to deal with this.

Daisier · 08/03/2020 22:55

I think I would call 111 for advice too, I don't think he should be contacting you if he served time for raping you. Thanks

Cherrysoup · 08/03/2020 23:00

Block but screenshot and tell police.

WarmSausageTea · 08/03/2020 23:07

I also think speak with the police. Screen shot and ignore the request (I assume there’s no message), but I’d be inclined not to block before speaking with the police.

I wouldn’t tell your daughter; she’s never had any interest in him, don’t bring this predator into her life.

Flowers
Original poster
Cutmylifeintopizza · 08/03/2020 23:10

You are all right of course, delete & block is the way to go.
It was the initial shock of seeing his name.
I've got a million questions for him but I've gone all these years without answers & if I'm honest the answers won't help.
Thank you all

OP posts:
Awesome2020 · 08/03/2020 23:38

Any answers are likely to lead to more questions and so it starts to consume you. It's a difficult thing to do but take back the control by preventing him from contacting you this way again.
You have done an amazing job of raising your child, you can do this, good luck Flowers

WarmSausageTea · 09/03/2020 11:04

I've got a million questions for him...

Totally understandable, but if you ask even one, you’re giving him power, and you know from bitter experience how he abuses any power he can get.

dontgobaconmyheart · 09/03/2020 13:02

He can't answer any of your questions OP, he really can't and there is nothing he would have to say that could possibly be appropriate or help. He isn't an old friend you fell out with, he is a convicted sex offender who deliberately sought to harm you when you were vulnerable.

I would screenshot and contact the police to be honest, then block. I cannot imagine he is allowed to make contact and without wishing to alarm OP, obviously he has been looking online for you so I would check all social media for privacy settings as it would be prudent to ensure he has no way of seeing images of your family, location, job etc. It seems he does not accept what he has done as what it is, a rape. Regardless, he is scum and whatever he says or thinks, he is a sex offender. Very angry for you OP, how violating. I hope you hear no more from him and are able to get back to daily business Flowers

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