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Original poster

Feeling important

11 replies

SingleMummy2020 · 08/03/2020 22:14

Hello everyone, hoping for some advice and help!

I’m a single mum to a 5 year old and 4 month old. I am currently breastfeeding my youngest and not ready to ween onto bottles yet. My eldest has had a really tearful week, saying several times ‘I’m not important anymore am I’ this completely broke my heart, that he could even think this 😢

My youngest does tend to fed lots, and rarely naps at all in the day! However everytime she does, I use that time to do something With my eldest, we still try to do days out, go to the park, im constantly grabbing Him for cuddles and telling him that I love him etc, I can see how it must be hard, being use to having all my attention and now Sharing me with his sister, I just can’t bare the thought that he thinks he means less now, please does anyone have any ideas how I can do something different, to stop him feeling this way??? Any advise is much appreciated! Thank you 😊

OP posts:
Avebury · 09/03/2020 23:48

I used to say to the baby in a nice tone obviously that they had to wait while I did something with their older siblings so that I wasn't always telling them to wait while I did something with her.

TheNestedIf · 10/03/2020 01:06

Could you get him to do some daft little chores whilst you're feeding? Fetching a blanket or reading you both a story or something simple that he can do and that involves all three of you? Then, as soon as you've finished feeding, lavish him with attention?

Ponoka7 · 10/03/2020 07:54

Could you get a few "I'm a big brother" books?

Big up that the baby is a helpless baby, not like him, big and clever etc.

It'll be better when the weatgers better as well. You can big up his ability to climb etc 'because he's big'.

Spoil him at Easter. It's one thing that you won't be doing for the baby.

Have you got any babysitters for a in a few months? (if you're not confident about leaving the baby yet).

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AngryPrincess · 10/03/2020 10:53

You could point out that you have loved your oldest for 5 years longer, that you two have a strong relationship because of that and that they are important because ‘You are the one that made me a mummy. Before that I was just a regular person’. Also that thebaby will need them to teach them all the fun stuff. Older siblings sometimes are wonderful at getting babies to laugh and smile and blow raspberries andbang saucepans. All hugely important skills.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 10/03/2020 11:08

Don't wait until your youngest nap to do something with the oldest!

gospelsinger · 10/03/2020 11:11

You do need to know that he hasn't said this because of anything you have done wrong, but actually because of everything you are doing right. He is growing up and grieving the loss of that closeness to mummy that babies and toddlers have. It's a fairly normal process. Just listen to him, be there for him, reassure him, empathise and be glad he's mentioned it rather than bottled it up. Suggestions from pp are good too.

AngryPrincess · 10/03/2020 11:15

Also whenever the baby learns a new skill like sitting up, ask the 5 year old -
‘Wow! Did you teach her that? She must have seen you doing it! What a great big brother!’
And if someone is saying how beautiful or clever she is say ‘Yeah, she really takes after her big brother. I’m very lucky!’

Dozer · 10/03/2020 11:17

Recommend the book Siblings Without Rivalry.

shivbo2014 · 10/03/2020 11:33

We have just been through this. My dd is 5 and ds is 8 months. It was really hard at first as dd would always say you love ds more than me etc. It really upset me. I just reassured her that I loved her just as much as I always have. I made time for her whenever baby was napping, content in his bouncer. I also let her stay up a bit later to have some time with us to watch a movie. Kept going on about how much the baby loved her and was always smiling at her looking at her etc. She basically ignored him for the first 5 months. She now totally adores him and shows no signs of jealousy at all. It will work itself out...

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 10/03/2020 11:45

Ah poor little thing. His said it because that’s how he feels, his 5 and a new baby has come in to his life, his attention has dropped to him this is the worse thing ever as his 5. I think it’s important to not dismiss his feelings.

I think it’s always difficult for a while when a new baby comes but must be even harder when your a single parent.

Where is his dad? Does he see him? Could he not take him out for some 1 to 1 time?

Who’s not ready to wean to bottle, you or the baby? At 4 months the baby could take a bottle sometimes and that would be best for your oldest if baby could be bottle fed now and then as it’s easier in my experience to play with an older child while a baby is drinking from a bottle than sucking your breast.

Leave the baby on a play mat and read etc on the other side of the room with the older one.

Baking when baby naps

Original poster
SingleMummy2020 · 10/03/2020 14:31

Thank you so much for the advice everyone, hugely appreciated! Xx

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